Newer to TMS, but pushing forward with hope. Would love some feedback <3

weezybreezy

weezybreezy

New Member
Hi everyone! Glad to find this community. I'll first start with my questions, and then fill in my story for anyone who wants more info.

I'm curious specifically about allergies and asthma, and whether they are worsened by TMS, or whether they are caused by it. Also, I'd love to hear specific tips on allergies and asthma, trying to push back against the triggers and not believing the body's lie, while there is a conditioned response happening anyway (especially a severe one). I'd love any thoughts and help on those curiosities.

What brings me here: I grew up in a difficult home -- severe neglect, verbal abuse, and a requirement to suppress all pain (physical and emotional) unless it was emergency-worthy. I never felt safe, and was constantly hypervigilant. I was diagnosed with asthma at age 1, and allergies around 8, and lived in a house full of my allergens, even after diagnosis (specifically, pets, dust galore, etc). After an incident at age 10 (I believe I almost died from allergy-induced asphyxiation, after mom brought me in a car with pets), and was rescued (911), and started having strong daily stomach pains for 9 years. (Age 12), Doctors did an endoscopy, stomach was bright red inside, told me I had GERD. I had never experienced heartburn prior to that. The pain lasted until I moved out of my parents' house. During that time I began also having pain show up in random areas, and was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis, after a scan showed inflammation all over. That pain decreased after leaving home, but showed up 'randomly' (I didn't notice patterns back then). At 22, after finally divorcing abusive husband, that pain very rapidly went away, and is now gone. (I've also done extensive emotional healing work, and eventually became a trauma therapist.)

I've had stomach pain come and go all throughout my life, and have basically believed it to be stress-related, and went through all kinds of avoidance, on and off. The most recent bout happened when I was preparing to confront my (now mostly-estranged) parents. The pain came, and hasn't gone away, even though that situation has leveled itself out, and even though I know the pain is most-likely from that stress. I have a small lump in the belly (immovable), and wake up with a bubble in the same spot every morning (small-hamster-sized, very movable, and goes away after I use the restroom). I haven't had it checked, but I am almost totally sure it's stress induced, and don't have health insurance, so I'm not planning to get it checked. Late 2021 I had a bout of severe stomach pain and was given scans and ultrasounds and given the all-clear.

Currently I am in a safe home with my incredibly safe, loving, and emotionally mature husband, working shorter hours as a trauma therapist, and working daily to break off the bondage of my fear and somatic pains. After a recent blood test showed that I'm no longer allergic to pets or grass, I feel hopeful to move past this, however my body still reacts to these things. Internally I am talking myself down, reminding myself what the test showed, and how my allergic responses don't seem to make sense. (I often feel the reaction 1-3 hours after encountering the allergen, and the breathing restriction lasts 5-7 days.) I logically know that isn't how allergies are supposed to work, yet the intensity of the reaction makes this very hard to overcome. I am walk/jogging 3 times a week (x 50 mins), indoor climbing once a week, giving my lungs regular challenges. I'm doing my best to start gentle exposures to things, keep my anxiety down, and believe the truth. ("I'm having a reaction because my body still believes it's allergic. And that's ok, it'll take time for it to feel safe and not react.")

I know my job as a trauma therapist can be stressful, but I've cut down my hours, reduced to non-emergency cases, and no longer ride my motorcycle. I no longer have full-fledged PTSD, my (severe) depression is gone, and the anxiety is significantly lower than it's been most of my life. Nervous system is learning the idea of safety. I've been through a lot in my life, and overcome a lot. I'm ready to overcome these things, too. I believe these things are TMS (belly, asthma, allergies), and am appreciative for any suggestions or support.

-Rachael
 
Wow, Rachael - what a journey! To tell you the truth, I kinda feel a little intimidated by the amount of emotional strength and resiliance that you must have developed in order to have come so far and overcome so much! It's really interesting that you became a trauma therapist, but that sounds like a story for another time. And I do have some thoughts, so see what you think.

The fascinating, and incredibly frustrating thing about the TMS brain mechanism is that we can't "cure" it or get rid of it - all we can do is figure out how to manage it. It is always going to come back and play hell with our equanimity because even if we do all of the TMS work in the world, whenever we have any kind of stress response, our primitive brains will NEVER be able to tell the difference between some kind of perfectly safe modern stress, like our computer crashing just before a big Zoom meeting, and a sabre-tooth tiger waiting to kill and eat us. Our brains and our bodies were never designed to tolerate the way that the modern world constantly exposes us to an uncountable number of constant low level threats. Think about it - in the primitive world, which is where our brains still live, the threats were extremely few in number, they were extremely tangible, and they were often over quite quickly - as were human lives, which, you know, didn't last very long, right? Not a lot of different things to worry about, and not too many years to worry about them.

And then we have the last 8 years or so, which, let's face it, are pretty damn dismal if you're sensitive to world dysfunction. And as someone who had to survive a dysfunctional childhood, I imagine that the dysfunction of society today might be placing an inordinate amount of pressure on your equanimity. I don't think that this is acknowledged enough, because most people are just trying to get through the day, and don't have time to examine how world disorder is really affecting them emotionally. It's actually a perfect topic for Sarno-style repression, in fact, because it comprises two things that the human psyche can't handle: uncertainty, and uncontrollability. These two things were, of course, key components of the pandemic, so even though life has been getting more stressful for a decade, the pandemic really blew everything out of the water, and we're still suffering from those repercussions.

weezybreezy said:
The most recent bout happened when I was preparing to confront my (now mostly-estranged) parents. The pain came, and hasn't gone away
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You know better than anyone that there might be soooomething, some doubt, some self-pressure, some unfinished business, lurking somewhere in your unconscious...

weezybreezy said:
I'm curious specifically about allergies and asthma, and whether they are worsened by TMS, or whether they are caused by it.
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Well, 1) Yes definitely (this is well known by asthma/allergy specialists), and 2) Yes, possibly. I think there might be a correlation between childhood asthma/allergies and stress in the home, but I haven't looked into that research. As Dr. Gabor Mate MD postulates about certain pathological conditions, there might be a genetic component, and there might also be an environmental exposure or trigger, but there is also often an emotional component at play, which I believe is due to stress causing weakness or disorder of the immune system.

My own 2020 RA story is all about the emotional stress and distress factor - since I don't have a family history of any autoimmune conditions - but the stress I endured in the spring of 2020 was unprecedented, after a lifetime of anxiety. But that's another story.

I feel like there's a lot to discuss here, but it's getting late! I'll be interested to read your thoughts.

~Jan
 
Hi @weezybreezy,
Wow! I related to your story on so many levels. I have had multiple TMS symptoms over my entire life. Asthma made an appearance for me about 10 years ago when I had a boss who belittled me, and I stuffed it. I had never had asthma before. An allergist diagnosed me. At one point during that period, I had an attack at night and almost called 911. It was scary. When I left that job, the asthma left. I have also had seasonal allergies for 20+ years. During the spring I would never go outside. When I learned about TMS in 2017, I literally commanded the allergies to go, and they did! I don’t have any reaction to pollen now. BUT—I do have an allergic reaction to wheat and have tried to command that one away, and it hasn’t gone. Yes, I believe asthma and allergies are TMS. Some symptoms are harder to get rid of than others, or at least that’s been the case for me.
 
Diana-M said:
Some symptoms are harder to get rid of than others, or at least that’s been the case for me.
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I think this is common to almost everyone - if not everyone. And there's probably a very subtle emotional reason why this happens, but spending more than a brief amount of curiosity about it risks becoming distracted instead of doing the work. Sometimes, we just gotta say "it is what it is":D
 
Allergies are a tough one but if you think about what allergies are, they SHOULD be manageable with TMS-like solutions.
Allergies are a physical response to a perceived threat that is not a real threat. Note the word PERCEIVED. Not a real threat.
Our bodies react to the perceived threat in a grossly exaggerated way. Why?
Our bodies have somehow become "afraid" to use the only word we have. It seems like it happens at such a deep, cellular (not the right word but I'm not a biologist) level. So the question becomes, if we can train our brain to feel safe, will the over response still happen?

These are just all the thoughts I've had as I've considered how to reduce allergies and histamines for myself.
When I talk to myself when I "write shit down" -- my inner self has told me it's too scared to stop overreacting for fear of letting something bad in.
It (me!) feels like it's better to overreact and stop anything bad from happening.
I've kind of made peace with that. Instead I have opted for small wins.
I wrote in another recent post about "teaching" myself not to react physically to yukky smells.
I've learned to say "hello" to my friendly hive that pops up. And not dwell on what/where/why/how.

All that said, I must confess that I still have a phobia about anaphylaxis after getting a food allergic reaction of a bad case of hives after eating a little soft shell crab. Since then I get fearful eating something I haven't eaten before.

Wishing you good luck!
 
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