Newbie

[Alyssa5]

Hi,

I am new here and just wanted to introduce myself. I am a member of the Chronic Pelvic Pain: the Mind/Body Connection facebook group and have heard a lot about this forum so I decided to join! Wow, I did not know there was so much information regarding TMS. I have felt very alone in this painful journey; no one around me understands what it is like to live with pain every day. I want to get better but my negative thinking has gotten the best of me. I know that I must be more positive but I feel defeated most of the time.

My pelvic pain started after delivering my daughter (Feb 5, 2014) via C-section. A few days later I started having pain with bowel movements and sitting pain. I have done several months of physical therapy, MRI, botox, been to several doctors but no one could find a reason for my pain. My physical therapist did mention that my muscles were a little tight but not enough to be causing me all this pain. The last pelvic pain specialist basically said that I have neuropathy which is a disease in the nervous system (brain sending the wrong signals). I have tried medication as well with no results. I have sitting/ pressure pain in the sacral area, both butt cheeks, back and now front of my thighs. Some days, my whole body seems sensitive. It hurts to sit and lay down so there is no comfortable position for me to rest. This month, my arms started "burning".

A little on my background, in 2009 after delivering my son via C-section, I had a hemmeroidectomy which was very painful and traumatic surgery for me. Fast forward to 2014, my pain began in the rectal area. I don't know if there is any connection or if it is just a coincidence. Any advice is greatly appreciated.

 

[MWsunin12]

Hi. I'm new to the TMS information and reading Dr. Sarno's book. I'm posting under your post, Alyssa5, because I have many of the same TMS symptoms as yours.
I'm probably 25 years older than you, yet it's interesting how our bodies get our attention. I can't write out my full story at this time, but I did want to let you know that there are posts on here, especially a member named Carolyn, who has gone through extensive western medicine treatments for years and then found relief and a pain-free pelvic from accepting this as TMS. After reading your post, I do believe most women with pelvic pain have TMS. I want to believe fully that that is true for me. I'm a newbie myself, so I won't profess to knowing anything about the program, but I can tell you that I recognized my issues as TMS because of the following: 1. I had to travel to my niece's wedding 2,000 miles away. I was distracted and socially busy for 5 days. I barely felt or noticed the pain. 2. It came back in full when I was back to my regular life and alone with my thoughts. 3. I'm a person who was never, ever allowed to show anger or even a bad mood as a child. I learned early to put myself second or even last to…well, in my case…my domineering mom. I feel that we don't easily break free of that early "conditioning" even though we don't think about it. I feel that we suffer in the pelvic because it's our connection to our creation, and our creating.
All said, I join you on this journey. It good to know we aren't alone.

 

[Alyssa5]

MW,

Thank you for your response; I too feel less pain when I am distracted but it never does completely go away.

 

[Andy Bayliss]

Welcome Alyssa5,

I am glad you found this forum, and I bet you can find your way out of pain if you are patient and persistent. I had three physicians ready to operate on me (foot) for neuropathy. Now I'm fine, but I was on crutches for years and could barely make it to the bathroom.

Many of your own physician reports support your diagnosis. This is good to see. Build on this and gather as much evidence you can (personality traits, shifts in symptoms, unexpected symptom relief--like MW mentions--) and consider taking the Structured Education Program and doing Alan Gordon's Recovery program, both free at the Wiki. And keep saying hello and asking questions. We are here to help.

Andy B.

 

[Alyssa5]

Andy,

Thank you for your input.. Any suggestions on how to be positive? I tend to be a negative person and it is so hard to believe that this would help "me". I have emotional up and down days, one day I feel that I am going to beat this and then another I feel depressed and defeated.

 

[Andy Bayliss]

Hi Alyssa5,
Read success stories, and substitute whatever symptoms you're having, for the ones you're reading about. We all get hung up at first about "whether this applies to me." We want specific symptoms and stories. But you can work with whatever success stories you find. It is all the same approach, the same root cause for pain.

Also, find ways to distract and soothe yourself. I took up guitar, which is very hard for me, (which means it takes great concentration) during my time for pain. Another thing to consider is self-hypnosis. I had a practitioner create custom recordings for me. I also used Alpha Stim device to relieve anxiety. Any activity which distracts and/or soothes you is recommended, while you get engaged in some basic Sarno work. Others here will have more suggestions on this too if you ask... Try to find ways to stay active and social.

Learning/practicing mindfulness is also very helpful to observe, but not become overwhelmed by the thought stream.
Andy B.

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Hi, Alyssa5 and MWsunin. I know what it's like to need a boost of confidence in positive thinking. I'm 85 and had severe back pain before learning about TMS. I have healed thanks to the SEProgram and journaling which led me to realize I was repressing anger going back to when my parents divorced when I was seven. I learned to understand them better and to forgive them. That ended my pain.

A good place to get a boost in positive thinking and relief from anxiety is to watch some of the Youtube videos on those topics. They also have some wonderful ones on relaxation which also helps with TMS recovery. Good luck to you both and keep posting.

 

[MWsunin12]

Thank you, Walt and Andy B. for your insights.

I don't know if this is true for you, Alyssa, but will add this in because it's been true for me regarding pelvic pain. I had to stop looking up symptoms and looking for a break-through cure on google. I especially had to stop reading other people's posts that are on the medical sites. They are dire and I've thrown myself into long tailspins from the mostly unhelpful and even wrong information. Plus, you will not read success stories on those sites. Right now, I feel like I had to climb back to a neutral place where I can be willing and open to the TMS diagnosis.

(as an aside: I had the burning arms symptoms, too. It is COMPLETELY anxiety provoked, even if you aren't feeling too anxious at the moment. Our adrenal glands are still in the fight or flee state. Ignore your arms. Go for a ten minute walk. Swing your arms around. Take deep breaths.)

For myself, I've found I can't have one foot in both worlds (western medicine and TMS). Both feet are now in the TMS diagnosis.

And, regarding pain when distracted: mine doesn't go away completely, either. But, it does comfort me in that our brains can only keep one thing going full force. If it's attention to pain, then we will feel it fully. If it's attention to things that bring happiness or following a passion, then our brain have to relinquish some of the control of feeling pain. That tells me A LOT. And, it's good.

Happy weekend to all.

 

[Alyssa5]

I am obsessed with doing research regarding my symptoms too and I decided this week that I need to stop looking for a miracle cure. I am now dedicating myself to tms as best as possible. I deleted several Facebook pelvic pain groups since they are so depressing and not helping me keeping my chin up. I definitely have trouble expressing my emotions, i even ask myself "what do you feel" and cant even answer that. I am very angry because i should be enjoying life but instead i am living in a freaking painful nightmare. Thank you all for your suggestions.

 

[Alyssa5]

By the way, I spent Halloween with my family (parents, siblings, nieces and nephews) and had very little pain but then today I have much more pain; my skin aches while just standing. That's what so depressing about this whole thing.

 

[MWsunin12]

Alyssa,
Seems we are walking a similar path. I, too, had a good day yesterday…was feeling hopeful. And, today I feel like I'm sitting on a burning branding iron, my rectum is in spasms, and my my feet are tingling and have shockwaves. I was feeling pretty crushed, until I read your post. I think that we are having a brain backlash, because we are so used to the pattern of pain. Just remember, you didn't do ANYTHING unusual to cause all the pain today. Neither did I. So, it must be our brains are locked up in a pattern that we will eventually break through by accepting this as TMS.

Also, I wanted to point out that you said you don't know what you're feeling, but you do. Start with being angry. I wrote pages of swear words. Language I would never use on anybody. Most of my anger is at myself for letting people emotionally be abusive to me. No one else has to read it. I think we hold ourselves back because people would be shocked by what we really thought, but…just tell the truth on paper. I got away from writing stuff down, which may be part of the reason my pain is getting my attention. I'm going back to it. Some of it I have ripped up because I wouldn't want anyone to see it. But, It has helped me.

I agree with your decision to leave the other support groups. They are more depressing than helpful.

We can do this. You are a young woman and you DESERVE to enjoy life. Thanks for writing.

Marcia

 

[Alyssa5]

Marcia,

Yes I need to start writing out my feelings/ emotions. I often hold myself back because I don't want to hurt anyone.