Lalaland123
New Member
Hello,
I'm Lucie, 25, from Germany and have Chronic fatigue syndrome. About 3 years ago, I woke up unable to get out of bed with a whole bunch of symptoms: Severe fatigue, brain fog, exercise intolerance, muscle weakness, POTS, insomnia, light and sound sensitivity, nausea, headaches, ice cold hands and feet, shortness of breath, blurry vision, extreme pallor and much more. After some time, I was diagnosed with CFS.
Over the last years my symptoms have improved a little bit but I'm still severely disabled. I can go for short walks but that's about it. I'm willing to try whatever it takes to get my life back. I've started listening to Dr Sarno's book (The Mindbody Prescription), is this a good starting point? I'm also seeing a Somatic experiencing practitioner once every two weeks.
About my past:
I was born about 10 weeks premature/early and had to stay in the Nicu for two months. I therefore didn't attach properly to my parents - I have a dismissive avoidant attachment. I barely remember my past, which is also due to my attachment style (dismissive avoidantly attached usually don't have a lot of memories). I have always dealt with my emotions by suppressing them, it was the only thing I knew.
There was a lot of arguing at home, mainly because of my twin sister - she had massive amounts of rage and anger. She would insult me daily and attack me verbally almost 24/7. I was also bullied at school. I have never felt connected to anyone before in my life, not even my parents. They provided us with everything, but I feel like the emotional support was lacking.
I did pretty good in school and university. I would describe myself as a hardworking and very self critical perfectionist (a lot of negative self talk) and I would continuously push myself to get better and better in almost every area of my life (university, work, sports, other hobbies). When I "failed" and didn't get the grade I wanted, I would see myself as a failure and would continue to be even harder on myself.
Maybe performance/workoholism helped me to not slip into depression because of the missing emotional connection to anyone. Plus the external validation increased my self esteem... Until I crashed hard and developed CFS. Although I did experience mind body symptoms before: insomnia (since birth basically), allergies, hair loss, acute hearing loss, tmj issues, stiff neck muscles and more. I ignored all those symptoms and pushed through which lead me to developing CFS.
I know this is a long story but I couldn't keep it shorter. I'm hopeful for this journey because I know I'm a typical case of mind body disease (this took me 3 years to accept), although this journey might take a long time. A goal of mine is also to reconnect with my emotions, especially felt emotions in the body since I hardly feel anything in my body. Plus there might be a lot of repressed anger since I don't remember being angry at any time and I don't even know what anger feels like. Basically the only emotions I have is occasionally joy and sadness and fear in extreme situations. That's it - finally
.
I'm Lucie, 25, from Germany and have Chronic fatigue syndrome. About 3 years ago, I woke up unable to get out of bed with a whole bunch of symptoms: Severe fatigue, brain fog, exercise intolerance, muscle weakness, POTS, insomnia, light and sound sensitivity, nausea, headaches, ice cold hands and feet, shortness of breath, blurry vision, extreme pallor and much more. After some time, I was diagnosed with CFS.
Over the last years my symptoms have improved a little bit but I'm still severely disabled. I can go for short walks but that's about it. I'm willing to try whatever it takes to get my life back. I've started listening to Dr Sarno's book (The Mindbody Prescription), is this a good starting point? I'm also seeing a Somatic experiencing practitioner once every two weeks.
About my past:
I was born about 10 weeks premature/early and had to stay in the Nicu for two months. I therefore didn't attach properly to my parents - I have a dismissive avoidant attachment. I barely remember my past, which is also due to my attachment style (dismissive avoidantly attached usually don't have a lot of memories). I have always dealt with my emotions by suppressing them, it was the only thing I knew.
There was a lot of arguing at home, mainly because of my twin sister - she had massive amounts of rage and anger. She would insult me daily and attack me verbally almost 24/7. I was also bullied at school. I have never felt connected to anyone before in my life, not even my parents. They provided us with everything, but I feel like the emotional support was lacking.
I did pretty good in school and university. I would describe myself as a hardworking and very self critical perfectionist (a lot of negative self talk) and I would continuously push myself to get better and better in almost every area of my life (university, work, sports, other hobbies). When I "failed" and didn't get the grade I wanted, I would see myself as a failure and would continue to be even harder on myself.
Maybe performance/workoholism helped me to not slip into depression because of the missing emotional connection to anyone. Plus the external validation increased my self esteem... Until I crashed hard and developed CFS. Although I did experience mind body symptoms before: insomnia (since birth basically), allergies, hair loss, acute hearing loss, tmj issues, stiff neck muscles and more. I ignored all those symptoms and pushed through which lead me to developing CFS.
I know this is a long story but I couldn't keep it shorter. I'm hopeful for this journey because I know I'm a typical case of mind body disease (this took me 3 years to accept), although this journey might take a long time. A goal of mine is also to reconnect with my emotions, especially felt emotions in the body since I hardly feel anything in my body. Plus there might be a lot of repressed anger since I don't remember being angry at any time and I don't even know what anger feels like. Basically the only emotions I have is occasionally joy and sadness and fear in extreme situations. That's it - finally
.
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