New to forum (I think)

Hi, I thought I was on this forum a while back, but it didn't recognize my email, so maybe it was a different one. I'm just here for support as someone whose healing journey is a slow one.

I ruptured a disc in my neck on Sept 1, 2005 and had spinal fusion surgery a month later (was losing neurological function of my arm, and unfortunately didn't know anything about TMS at the time). I continued to have debilitating pain after the surgery (I developed "myofascial pain syndrome," as the doctors label it).

Nine months after my surgery, I read The Mindbody Prescription (which only had a few-day effect on slightly reducing my pain). Then in 2007, I started John F. Barnes' myofascial release (JFB-MFR) bodywork and had an amazing amount of lasting pain reduction (I finally really "got" the mindbody connection), but I wasn't quite done. In 2008 I re-read The Mindbody Prescription 4 more times, but my pain was still at a plateau.

Then in 2009, I was rear-ended in my car and my pain spiked up again. I did more JFB-MFR bodywork (which helped reduce my pain) and read the Divided Mind (which brought down my pain some more, but then it inched back up). In 2012 I read Steve Ozanich's The Great Pain Deception (which helped me be able to jog again without bad pain). I've also read Schubiner's Unlean Your Pain and a host of other books, including ones on trauma and pain (e.g., Levine, van der Kolk, Scaer). I also just recently read Nicole Sach's book, The Meaning of Truth, which has inspired me to really focus on journaling again.

I know my pain is emotion- and trauma-fed, but it's still a bit frustrating when I've made so much progress but my body is still so slow in gaining that last bit of healing that I know it can achieve. I guess I'm just looking for some solidarity from those of us who "get" it even if our subconscious is lagging behind and our bodies are slow to implement change. For what it's worth, I've created a website describing my journey if anyone is interested: http://www.healingfromchronicpain.com/ (Healing from Chronic Myofascial Pain--Support for chronic pain sufferers: Defying Gravity--An Athlete's Journey of Healing from Chronic Myofascial Pain) (I don't sell anything on the site, just hoping to share my journey with fellow pain sufferers.)

Even though I know emotions and trauma feed my pain, it doesn't mean I haven't tried a million other things to heal, too. Maybe others on this forum feel the same way??

Thanks for listening

 

Hi Healing,

Welcome to the Forum. I am sorry that with the amount of work, over time that you have done, that you don't have better relief. You might do one of the programs at the Wiki which are free. Both give you extended, concentrated work. So does Unlearn Your Pain, however.

In some cases, it can be very good to get diagnosed by a TMS physician which will give you more confidence. In other cases, people need support with counseling or coaching.

John F. Barnes work by the way is very soothing to the nervous system. I paid for $1000s of this treatment by good practitioners, before I found Dr. Sarno's work. The nervous system relaxation can also be a very supportive approach, if you disengage that help from there being anything "physically wrong." You might find totally different, low cost ways of relaxing, such as music, movement, yoga ---anything pleasurable and relaxing every day, as part of your program.

Andy B

 

Thanks, Andy. Yes, I agree about the bodywork. It's not about fixing anything physical. It was just a very effective way for me to tap into my deeply buried emotions due to a childhood trauma. I don't think just talking or self-driven digging would have done it, or at least not as quickly as bodywork did. It's like my physical body didn't have the same defense mechanisms as my mind which had perfected repression and denial. The feelings and memories came unsolicited through the bodywork for me. It was during a 2-week intensive of jfb-mfr that the memory of my trauma came to me. But to your point, I do find other ways to relax now.

I don't really think I need an official TMS diagnosis because I know for a fact that my pain is in no way structural and is absolutely driven by emotions such as anger (which I think I've really diminished), fear, and shame (this is a huge one) to name the big ones. I feel like fear and shame are so hard for my 10-year old traumatized mind to let go of. But I've done so much work around that that I also wonder now if it's more of the present stuff I need to incorporate into my program... I just read Nicole Sachs' book and will either try her suggestions or try the SEP(?) program, which I haven't done. I read Unlearn Your Pain a long time ago, before I did more digging into my childhood trauma, so maybe now if I make another concerted effort at trying that, SEP, or Sachs, maybe it'll all click soon I know body can shift. I just really hoped it would have done it already ... 9 years after accepting the mindbody explanation, and 11 years after first rupturing the disc in my neck. But I never give up hope (but admit I do get a little discouraged at times).

Thanks for your support!

PS, I also have done psychotherapy, tapping (EFT), and EMDR to address past trauma. Its not fun work, but I feel it must be helpful as part of my healing journey. We shall see I guess

 

Yes, I understand this.

Dr. Sarno's studies of his clients, described in The Divided Mind, showed that it is the moment-to-moment or "personality" factor that was found to be a greater contributor than "past trauma" or "life stressors." So I think you're onto something. Of course it is that constellation of both our history and our present inner relationships ----they are intertwined.

Another thing you might do is to ask yourself the question: "What in my life wants to be known, or more clear, that is hidden by my dealing with pain issues?" Or in other words, what kind of inner expansion or change is being called upon in me, which TMS is calling me to look at? I mean that in a positive way: what wants to happen in me, in my life at this time? What might need to be "resolved?"