New Here with some questions...

T

TomPNY

Peer Supporter
First, Thanks for all of the information in these forums. I've been reading through them the past few weeks and I really appreciate all of the effort you've all put in. It helps.

On December 1 of this past year, I had a click in my back picking something up, hit the ground, and was in agonizing pain. I've had SI joint issues before, and it felt like this. Prior to this, I was very active, doing crossfit type exercises, kettlebells, etc on a very regular basis.

I went to a chiropractor the next day and got adjusted. By this time, I had lost all push-off power in my calf, and my left foot was dead and tingled out... with sciatica on fire up my entire leg. A week later, I got an MRI, and it showed an L4L5 Herniation, and a severe 15mm L5S1 Herniation. Chiropractic and Physical Therapy ensued for the next six weeks, I did the McKenzie Press ups, avoided all drugs, steroids, etc and eventually the pain got central to my back, and then stayed there. I couldn't escape it, and it was always just sitting there. Sometimes it would "move" around, and I would get pain in my legs, calves, etc. But I couldn't shake it.

I changed my shoes, bought a new chair for work, switched to a standing desk, changed how I sleep, did PT, Chiropractic, Acupuncture, Massage Therapy, etc. etc. etc.

During this time, I ended up hooking in with a great physical therapist, that trains in bodyweight work, etc. He got me feeling great at times, and I was able to go back to a lot of my functional training work, including some kettlebells. This makes it about 3 months past my original injury.

But I kept having pain. It would move around, sometimes clear for a few days... other times I would be in pain for awhile. My Physical Therapist encouraged me to be more active, and I even did some full crossfit sessions during that time... some REALLY intense workouts.

Fast forward to about a month ago, and I pick up "Healing Back Pain" by Dr. Sarno. I found this book by reading a crossfit forum about a guy who healed his backpain doing kettlebell swings and reading this book. I am at this point four months out, and still having pain deep in the base of my spine. Within a few days of reading, my back pain is GONE. Not just a little... I mean... GONE. No pain for DAYS. I started refocusing on things I was angry about, and was able to dispel the pain. It was great for a couple of weeks.... and I felt great about it.. I went back to the gym and got my workouts going again. I mentioned it to my PT, and he said "your back has been healed for a couple of months now.. glad you finally realized it." It was great.

Then a few weeks ago, all hell broke loose in my body.

-My joints got all crazy, and pop all the time.
-Trigger Points everywhere.
-Ache after workout like I've never had before.
-Muscles in my legs strained, hip flexors tight
And perhaps most discerning...-My Hands fall asleep at night... wake me up around 3 AM every night. I've heard everything from ulnar nerve impingement to carpal tunnel, etc. But I can't seem to shake it, and thus I sleep horribly.

The TMS Psychology at the time all of this stuff happened?
-My son was born 1 month before the "Back incident" - leading to a complete disruption of sleep, life, and everything else (and I wouldn't trade him for anything!)
-Sick father in a Nursing Home
-Mother rushed to hospital, almost died
-The Holidays
-Work Stress
-Fear there is something really wrong with me - MS, ALS etc all go through my mind because of how I feel.

I feel like I've made SO MANY Strides, and while I am convinced that I did have some sort of an injury, I believe I am completely healed from it, and have been for a few months. I also believe that the pain was brought on my TMS, and that I beat it.

BUT I can't seem to use the same TMS techniques to knock this other stuff out that has since surfaced.

If the hands going to sleep at night are the result of TMS - how do I actively address that through TMS techniques if it happens while I sleep? I dont' really feel much pain during the day from it..

I work on a computer all day and type. part of me thinks this could be a cause, but if I address tht cause - am I denying the existence of TMS? I know there is a lot of risk to "treating" something that is TMS driven.

How do you address TMS that dances around your body and changes its landing spot constantly? Anyone else have this?

There is a piece of me that wants to think that these pains I'm getting are a positive thing... that my body is resetting and reclaiming itself from TMS... but damn, they bug the hell out of me!


Thanks again for your help and input. I'll be reading regularly.
 
It sounds like you have the perfect storm for TMS. Having a child, having a father in a nursing home, holidays, and work stress are all things that can fuel TMS. Just one of these things can create these symptoms, having all of them at once, is a perfect storm for it. The good thing is that once you recognize the effect these events are having on your body, you will overcome them. This is evident by the fact that your back is already better.

When your symptoms move it can be frustrating and challenging, but this is where accepting the diagnosis comes in. Remind yourself that they are benign and review the Daily Reminders. This will help the TMS message sink in, and change your conditioned negative thinking.
 
Thanks Forest. Appreciate the feedback.
I can't seem to figure out what I can do about the hands falling asleep at night... as i'm not consciously in a positition to use any of the techniques. Know what I mean?
Are they the result of tension built during the day?
 
I agree with Forest - the perfect storm for sure.

Notice how you mention amidst everything you wrote that your "back incident" happened after the premature birth of your baby boy. I forget where (it might've been on this forum but I think it was Caroline Myss' new book, Defying Gravity) but I read not too long ago that women often feel emotionally dis-empowered when they first become mothers. Suddenly being thrown into the reality of suppressing one's own personal needs for those of another being is, despite the gains of a beautiful, loving baby, enraging...one's sense of freedom and the power that goes with that freedom, is gone. You can't sleep an entire night, all is changed for the mother and you, your parents who you were possibly hoping to have around for assistance, needed their own care. The baby came a month early and so all of the preparations were possibly not complete. How dare he arrive EARLY! Even though this is really normal to feel this way, they're emotions that are not acceptable - in other words, you tell yourself, "How can I blame a baby for disrupting my life?" I would focus on this issue and see if it resonates at all with you. As Forest said, just one of these events you list is enough to create TMS pain. But I wonder if the frustration with the baby is ultimately the most maddening because you cannot allow yourself to feel angry with a baby. Enter, TMS pain...
 
Thanks for the response. The baby is definately part of it. I love him like crazy, but it really did a lot to disrupt a lot of my sleep patterns, work patterns, etc.
I'm also identifying other "anger" issues that are contributors to the problem.
I think one of the toughest things is trying to keep up with the pain when it moves so much - or being able to reset it once it moves. Its like I have to start right over every time it moves.
 
It's possible that the symptoms with your hands during sleep are a result of your dreams. I know the last thing you want to do when you wake up in the middle of the night in discomfort is stay awake, but it might be beneficial for you to put a notebook and pen next to your bed and when you wake up with the discomfort in your hands, let that be your signal to try to remember as much detail as you can about the dreams you might have been having just then. There is some research that supports the subconscious' use of the dream state as a "test run" for the really difficult emotions. The physiological responses in the body are exactly the same for an event that is happening in a dream as they would be if it were occurring while awake so the thought is that the subconscious uses the dreams to "test" whether or not we can be "trusted" with the feelings consciously.

Also, if you haven't watched it yet, I think you might find the interview Forest did with Nicole Sachs (believe you can find it in the general forum) very helpful - especially what she has to say about motherhood.
 
Thanks a ton for your response Leslie. I'm going to look up that video and see what's up.
The other thing I'm looking at with my hands is that it may be happening at night from sleeping on them... which I've done for years.... but now that I'm dealing with all of this TMS and it's rearing its head in my shoulder and neck - I wonder if the tension that I create during the day is causing these issues to happen at night. I may post another topic just on that to see if anyone else is having that issue.
Thanks again.
Tom
 
Well. I wrote this post eighteen months ago.
I haven't died. I haven't been diagnosed with a horrible disease.
It hasn't gotten worse or better.
There were good days and bad days.
I am glad I found this old post. It gives me confidence that a year and a half ago I wa struggling with the same stuff and I know I had some really good times in the time since,,, weeks with no symptoms or minimal.
I've gotten better. Just need to learn how to do it longer. And then forever. :)
Thanks.
 
Just popped in again researching some other things and wanted to say - its been 3.5 years and I am still not dead. I do not yet have MS, ALS, or Parkinsons, though I still will exhibit signs of all of them on a regular basis! :) I love TMS> I've never really gotten back 100% - which I believe means that I've not fully accepted the diagnosis. I have moved it all around my body - and the back thing was just the start. In the past 4 years it has been lower back pain, then it became carpal tunnel, then it was a headache that lasted 6 months (and included CT Scans that ruled out the horrible diseases many of us fear) then it was an eye twitch, I've had panic and chest pains... I've always had the hands falling asleep at night

... and now I've got calf twitching that doesn't stop. It simply does not stop. It twitches day and night. Both calves. Sometimes the rest of my body. Always the calves though. Been about a year - I can't get past it so far. My parents both died in March - both in nursing homes - within 3 days of each other. It knocked the shit out of me. My dad was 88 and in the nursing home because he couldn't walk or use his legs anymore due to neuro complications from chemo (my calves twitch.) my mom died after multiple strokes where she lost all function. Also one of my good friends has been suffering from ALS for the past 5 years and I was visiting him... but I can't do it anymore. Too much reality. Too many nursing homes.

SO mom and dad are dead. The infant mentioned above is now 4 years old and an awesome handful - and every day my calves twitch and cramp out constantly. I've taken the magnesium done PT had them checked - I don't have the horrible disease in my brain - but i arrive back at TMS> Here i am.

Thats why I am searching.
And also I wanted to post because - as I mentioned - I'm not dead yet :)
 
Hi, Tom. From your several posts over the years, I think you are doing very well. You've lost your parents and have spent time in nursing homes, all of which is bound to have been stressful for you. I don't want to sound like Mary Poppins, but I think what you need most now is to take your mind off of past emotional stresses and put fun back in your life. Put the past behind you and live in the present. Try make the present as carefree as you can. Laugh often, even if you have to pretend you're happy. Even just smiling does almost as good. Both laughing and smiling release endorphins in our body that are calming and make us feel good. There are some good videos on Youtube about the MindBody benefits of laughter. Good luck and yes, be glad you are not dead yet. That alone should make you happy.
 
Hey Tom.

Know this is a month old now but if you do pop in to check your thread I just wanted to say this is 100% a stone cold classic physical anxiety presentation. The stressors and subsequent physical manifestations are total textbook. Just to say I have had each and every one of the same symptoms and worried about the same conditions. I had to have a knowing smile about the hands going numb at night thing. This first started for me when my anxiety struck 10 years ago and will stick around for a month or two and then disappear for a year and then resurface...in hindsight it is always when I'm stresssed. I have heard others with physical anxiety mention this symptom before and it's a weird one as it's hard to account for it...the fact that when I wake up and my hands are numb and I can shake them back to feeling within seconds makes me think it isn't a true physical issue.
 
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