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New here....thanks in advance for reading

B

bold_as_love

New Member
Recently discovered TMS. 44 years old and have been fighting anxiety for years. Myriad of symptoms that "move around." Most common are ectopic heartbeats, which will go away and then I'll suffer upper back/neck tightness. About twice a year I'll get migraine auras but no headache. Never really get pain, per se, just very anxious and tense. Been checked out by Dr. and of course, never find anything. Now, I have the inner ear, hum thing, where I'll have an episode where my head feels as though it's seizing up, or very similar to the Psycho-physiological dizziness syndrome I've read about here. Happens when my eyes move to the side or even when I'm on the phone. I'll have a sensation like a buzzing and feedback in my ear that'll set it off. Lasts for only a few seconds, but scary as hell. Like I'm having a seizure, but has happened on and off for years. And of course, ears checked and nothing to report. Guys I'm miserable at times and although I function fine, I'm sick of it. There's ALWAYS something and I've read Dr. Sarno's book a couple of times since downloading it the other day and even though I have always somewhat believed in emotions causing all of my issues, I can't seem to get going. I'm a classic perfectionist and although I had a great childhood and not much trauma into adulthood, my mom parented by guilt. So even now, I essentially live my life knowing the decisions I make will be judged, not necessarily by her, but by whoever. Every day, then, I have cycles of feeling good, then having palpitations, etc., then feeling good again. I sleep fine and have always been very social, but anymore I'm just not as much fun because I worry about something happening. Great wife too, but I feel as though I'm not giving her the "me" she married. I just have very little stress-management skills and am an information-gatherer type but have a hard time putting it into action because I'm someone who wants resolution now.

Anyway, it's almost as though I find TMS and when I start to read more about it or try to put it into action, my "symptoms" get more intense. I assume that's a good thing? Just looking for some tips to get started down the road. I will guarantee you I will sleep great tonight (always do), feel fine until a few hours after I'm up, and then the obsessing with the humming head will start. Same thing every day with whatever my "ailment" is at the time. I'll take the tense shoulders over the fear that my "seizure" thing will fire up again. Cannot get off the roller coaster of my complex and conscious thinking. Oh yeah and have had an immense fear of illness and death since I can remember. And of course again, I've never really even been sick.

Thanks for reading and any advice is appreciated. You all seem like caring and helpful folks!
 
<<when I start to read more about it or try to put it into action, my "symptoms" get more intense. I assume that's a good thing?>>

You may not understand it right now, but yes, it's a good thing. As you learn more, the pieces of your life's puzzle will mesh together until you are whole again. As you approach the truth, it intensifies on both ends of the spectrum as the opposites collide.

It is never about healing, it is about seeing deeper. Those who only want to see what they want to see, will suffer, because ego is still involved as arbiter.

When you can see past your own ego, you will breathe a new life of freedom. You're blessed to have found this site. You can heal, if you want to. No one can heal you, only you can.

Pillar 1 is the gathering of the information, pillar 2 is the acting on that information.

Very few will reach pillar 2. Will you?

Steve

 
Welcome, and you are right that this forum is full of helpful people who, more to the point, have been there and done that. Lots of information, good advice and caring. You are not alone.
 
Hi Bold - So glad you're here! This forum is playing a significant role in my journey. And as he usually does, Steve knocked it outta the park with some sage words of encouragement.

I am presently in the "intensifies on both ends of the spectrum as the opposites collide" stage. That really explains a lot to me. Strange physical twinges and aches and messy dark emotions to work through. (Thankfully, I have a very dear friend who is on a similar journey so we can support one another through this.)

I can totally relate to the wondering what "ailment" is going to visit me each day. GAH! Kick that thinking in the head! Wellness, strength and wholeness are going to visit!

True story...just the other night I dreamt I was dancing. Just a brief little glimpse. (I am not a dancer, btw!) But the freedom and joy I felt in the dance were clear. And then BOOOOOOM! I was jarred awake from that delightful dream with a sharp pain in my big toe. My.Big.Toe. SERIOUSLY?! I thought. How TMS of me. ;)

Hang around here and draw strength....like njoy said, you are not alone.
 
Hi, Bold. I read your post with great interest and also Steve's excellent reply and advice.
Your feelings of guilt, put there by your mother, are a big part of your pain problem
You have to lighten up on yourself. Even if you were a serial killer, God would forgive you.
I've known people who weren't happy unless they were miserable. I hope you're not one of those,
but if you are, even to a small degree, stop bullying yourself and enjoy each day and each moment
of each day. You had your ears checked and they're okay so maybe it's just the ear ringing most of us get
(I've had it for years). Tinnitus or something (I can never remember how it's spelled).

You're on the right track, but need to take Steve's advice that it's not about healing but seeing deeper
inside yourself. Don't be scared by learning more about yourself. It leads to healing pain and feeling great.

You may remember your childhood as being good, but that guilt trip you got from your mother tells me
otherwise. What about separation? That's another big cause of TMS pain.

Try to be happier, for your good and your wife's. Steve says a lot of how healthy we are depends on our
personality. The sunnier the better.

At the bottom of it all, you need to convince yourself that you have TMS repressed emotions.
To learn what they are and are causing your pain, you have to stop worrying about your health or
the next seizure or pain or headache. Worrying about all that brings on the pain or makes it worse.

You also say you're big on gathering information. That can cause anxiety. Steve's written about it in his book
The Great Pain Deception, chapter 18, on personality types, and 19 on separation. We discus those two
chapters this coming Tuesday night on our weekly TMSWiki call-in. See my post on it in the general discussion forums.
Here's the link to it. I think you'll find it helpful. I'll post this just in case I can't put the link in this.

It's good to have you with us in the TMSWiki. You'll find a lot of good stuff in the forums.
 
Yes, it's not about healing; it's about seeing deeper. That's a better way of approaching it. Life is not about solving all our problems, but of rising above them. How do you rise above them? You let most of it go, and you teach yourself not to over-react. It's finding balance in a wobbly world of woes (WWW).

How about that Mich-OSU game Walt? There were about 8 records broken. The last time it was a one-point margin in the score was 1926. Then with Bama losing the NC is open for business.

Go my favorite sports team! Go! (that's from Brian Regan, funniest guy in the world).

Steve
 
bold_as_love said:
I just have very little stress-management skills and am an information-gatherer type but have a hard time putting it into action because I'm someone who wants resolution now.
Click to expand...

The best way I know to put TMS knowledge into action is to use one of the structured programs available--there are two free ones on this site and Schubiner's Unlearn Your Pain. This is what it took for me--one step at a time, one day at a time. Then putting what you've learned into practice every day. There were no short cuts for me. It's a lot of work, but well worth it.

Wishing you the best on your healing journey...
 
Thanks all and especially for the encouragement. I definitely know my anxiety-related stuff is emotional and have started the journey. I've made an appointment with an ENT for the ear thing. I've NEVER been one to go to the doctor, but this is more than ringing. Same thing my dad has had for years.....excess wax......and to be safe, I want to see a specialist, which of course is always recommended. I will say that just knowing about TMS has already been empowering. A little extra tense as I mentioned above due to these emotions surfacing, but knowing I'll be OK and all part of the process is comforting. Already realizing I'm stronger than I know. I'll still in touch and active here, as I know it'll help me along. Again, thanks!
 
Bold. Right there with you. If you go to next page and see my post "never seems to end" you will read some great support for my recent ear ringing TMS symptom. I relate to the "twinges" thing and how it sets off my anxiety. Also, the just wanting to feel normal attitude which I am beginning to see in myself as potential "perfectionism." I can concur with letting go of the guilt issue. Allowing yourself to know your are forgiven goes a long way in this process. I went to ENT he told me I just have to live with the symptom. I am making every effort to delete statment from my brain. Read the article on Outcome Independence from Alan Gordon. I am reminding myself each morning of this concept. It's hard man, but Lord Bless you in your recovery.
 
Hi, Steve. That was really an exciting game. Two powerhouses running all over each other.

I seem to be free of pain by keeping so busy. I wake up about an hour early every morning
with thoughts of new projects I want to do. It doesn't make me stressful. It just fuels me up
for getting more done.

Most of it is thinking about new books I want to write. I never run out of ideas for new ones.
But I then focus on a few that I really want to do, and work on those. I get them written, too.
 
Walt, I want to be like you when I grow up. Your productivity as a writer has me in awe. Seriously.

I still have kids at home and I'm finding I just can't focus on stuff like I used to be able to...much less form a coherent sentence some days! :)
 
Hi, North Star. Thanks for your post which has me laughing.
I remember when I worked for an ad agency and a friend there was their art director
who had a fun but quirky sense of humor in his ads.

He told me, "If I ever grow up, I'll be out of a job!"

I don't think I ever grew up either. I ignored the fact that being a freelance writer
was not a very safe way of making a living. But when I decided I loved writing
and only liked girls, I chose to spend my life writing. My books are like children to me
but I never had to send my books to college or buy new shoes for them each year.

A list of my books, if you haven't seen it, is online at walteroleksybooks.com
and at amazon.com books.

I have two new ones coming out for Christmas, a novel about my dogs at Christmas,
called A Midnight Clear, and a nonfiction book, Christmas with the Famous,
with the favorite Christmas memories of 150 famous people. I wrote them a few
years ago but couldn't find a publisher, so now I'm self-publishing them.
I'll let you know when they're available.

If you give me your email address, I'll tell you how to get them and show you the covers.
Mine is waltmax69@gmail.com.

When your family gets a little older, maybe you'll have time to write.
It's great therapy.
 
Ok, Walt, this is the big weekend at the Big Ten Championship, my OSU vs. your MSU. Mano y faceo. Do you care if i root for my Buckeyes?

Send me a pic of your cover Walt.

SO
 
Steve and BoldasLove,

I was at MSU and in Spartan Stadium when we won the national championships and
was on leave from the army that fall when I watched them on TV win the Rose Bowl,
so I guess I'll keep rooting for them. I expect it will be an exciting game.
I'll watch with margaritas, cheese nachos, and Annie.

May the team with the least TMS win!

Here's the cover.

midnight clear cover.jpg
midnight clear back cover.jpg
midnight clear back cover.jpg

You can order it -- A Midnight Clear, A Dog's Christmas -- ($6.99) at

www.CreateSpace.com/4503267


I get a better royalty from them than I get from amazon.com

TMSWiki people are the greatest!
 
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