Hi all,
I literally burst into tears when I found this forum and read stories of people with symptoms very similar to mine becoming pain free. So thank you for having this here as a resource.
Three months ago (some say the official timescale for 'chronic pain') I had the most intense pain in my right testicle. It was like I had been hit in the groin but it didn't subside. The pain had grown over three days to become the worst thing I had ever experienced. When I tried to make sense of it I realised that my two-year old daughter had jumped onto my scrotum the day before the pain started to come on. She landed with her full 10kg weight on my testicular area. What is odd is that even now I doubt my own explanation because it took so long for the pain come on badly after she jumped on me. But I told myself sometimes injuries are torn and then only start to hurt later. At the time my daughter jumped on my scrotum I was sat on my sofa exhausted, feeling torn between playing tennis (a compulsive habit I used to feel good) or staying home to prepare for a family holiday that I had organised yet again. In other words - stressed!
I was embarrassed and scared in case it was something terrible even though I have been monogamous for over a decade so STI seemed unlikely and my physical health is generally excellent.
I have seen two GPs and two radiologists - the GPs reckoned my daughter's jump on me bruised me, no infection was indicated in urinalysis. The radiologists saw nothing wrong - just small cysts which both they and the GP's said were not implicated in pain and a small varicocele which one radiologist said could cause the pain and be operated on to tie the vein. But I thought "Why kill a vein that is supplying my testicles with blood?!" and subsequent research showed that the procedure did not guarantee pain relief. I have stayed away from pain killers as I'm afraid of dependency or that I might harm myself by having no pain and doing too much exercise. Thankfully I have no problems with urination or ejaculation.
I am someone who is very aware and very intolerant of pain, a people-pleaser, avoiding conflict, and a high achiever, but find it hard to stay still in case I feel angry or sad. I have a history of doing things for others and I have a history of being afraid I won't be loved if I don't do things that others want.
Since this pain started I have tried to ignore it, battle on as normal but I am scared to do the things I used to do in case it aggravates the pain - things like tennis, active sex, or running. I am in apparent good health except that prior to this pain coming on I was driving my body hard on the tennis court - playing 5 or 6 times a week and not stopping if I felt tired. I had an injury prone summer. The other thing I had before this pain was occasional bouts of insomnia. One odd thing: the insomnia has disappeared since the pain came along - I am sleeping better than ever (apart from the few nights of intense pain at the beginning of this ordeal).
I am 41, married with two young kids and I have spent weeks bed-ridden in the hope that rest will cure the pain. It has been difficult as my wife has had to assume nearly all of the child-care. I have my own business so I haven't had to work full time during this ordeal but at times I felt I had to do work to try to get back to normal again. Overall though it has been felt like the worst time of my entire life.
Last week I broke down, couldn't take any more pain and basically told my wife, kids and employees that they can't count on me to do anything for them. Up until then I was too angry at myself for being a 'cripple failure' to let go of my duties of helping everyone else. After accepting my 'disability' I started to get some relief of pain but still got attention-grabbing levels, pain that grinds me down over the course of a day until I end in tears like a kid wanting the pain to stop.
I had a few days in these horrible three months where I felt pain-free and I was living fairly normally, exercising and feeling myself again. But it came back. The pain goes away at night so I think an infection highly unlikely as infections I have had before have been round the clock, mostly worse at night if anything.
But yesterday I saw a video saying pain starts in the brain. I wonder if I am manifesting the pain to avoid the anger and grief of my unjust life - I am exhausted after caring for my parents, and my five siblings starting at the age of 7. I have also been neglected sexually by my wife for a decade which has caused me lots of emotional pain and has been the main dispute in our marriage. This epididymal pain has stopped me caring for other people as I have felt unable to move without pain and scared to move too much in case the pain is worsened. My ego has partly died - I felt lost without being able to do things for others. I felt a failure. But now I feel that if I can be pain free I have somewhat grown out of this old way of behaving. Other people can love me for who I am not what I do for them, and if they don't, well that's up to them.
Now I just want to be pain free.
If anyone on this forum can shed light on my situation I would appreciate it. I have started The Divided Mind by Sarno and ordered some more TMS books. I intend to start the Gordon SEP on this website tonight and also to stop treating my condition with anything - I have been through everything - Chinese herbs, homeopathy, nutrition, castor packing, iodine, supplements, etc, etc.
A few questions:
Do you think this is TMS? Or do you think it is an injury of the epididymis caused by my daughter?
Does my fear of this never leaving keep it there?
What should I do to become pain free?
Thank you in advance.
Peace,
Conor
I literally burst into tears when I found this forum and read stories of people with symptoms very similar to mine becoming pain free. So thank you for having this here as a resource.
Three months ago (some say the official timescale for 'chronic pain') I had the most intense pain in my right testicle. It was like I had been hit in the groin but it didn't subside. The pain had grown over three days to become the worst thing I had ever experienced. When I tried to make sense of it I realised that my two-year old daughter had jumped onto my scrotum the day before the pain started to come on. She landed with her full 10kg weight on my testicular area. What is odd is that even now I doubt my own explanation because it took so long for the pain come on badly after she jumped on me. But I told myself sometimes injuries are torn and then only start to hurt later. At the time my daughter jumped on my scrotum I was sat on my sofa exhausted, feeling torn between playing tennis (a compulsive habit I used to feel good) or staying home to prepare for a family holiday that I had organised yet again. In other words - stressed!
I was embarrassed and scared in case it was something terrible even though I have been monogamous for over a decade so STI seemed unlikely and my physical health is generally excellent.
I have seen two GPs and two radiologists - the GPs reckoned my daughter's jump on me bruised me, no infection was indicated in urinalysis. The radiologists saw nothing wrong - just small cysts which both they and the GP's said were not implicated in pain and a small varicocele which one radiologist said could cause the pain and be operated on to tie the vein. But I thought "Why kill a vein that is supplying my testicles with blood?!" and subsequent research showed that the procedure did not guarantee pain relief. I have stayed away from pain killers as I'm afraid of dependency or that I might harm myself by having no pain and doing too much exercise. Thankfully I have no problems with urination or ejaculation.
I am someone who is very aware and very intolerant of pain, a people-pleaser, avoiding conflict, and a high achiever, but find it hard to stay still in case I feel angry or sad. I have a history of doing things for others and I have a history of being afraid I won't be loved if I don't do things that others want.
Since this pain started I have tried to ignore it, battle on as normal but I am scared to do the things I used to do in case it aggravates the pain - things like tennis, active sex, or running. I am in apparent good health except that prior to this pain coming on I was driving my body hard on the tennis court - playing 5 or 6 times a week and not stopping if I felt tired. I had an injury prone summer. The other thing I had before this pain was occasional bouts of insomnia. One odd thing: the insomnia has disappeared since the pain came along - I am sleeping better than ever (apart from the few nights of intense pain at the beginning of this ordeal).
I am 41, married with two young kids and I have spent weeks bed-ridden in the hope that rest will cure the pain. It has been difficult as my wife has had to assume nearly all of the child-care. I have my own business so I haven't had to work full time during this ordeal but at times I felt I had to do work to try to get back to normal again. Overall though it has been felt like the worst time of my entire life.
Last week I broke down, couldn't take any more pain and basically told my wife, kids and employees that they can't count on me to do anything for them. Up until then I was too angry at myself for being a 'cripple failure' to let go of my duties of helping everyone else. After accepting my 'disability' I started to get some relief of pain but still got attention-grabbing levels, pain that grinds me down over the course of a day until I end in tears like a kid wanting the pain to stop.
I had a few days in these horrible three months where I felt pain-free and I was living fairly normally, exercising and feeling myself again. But it came back. The pain goes away at night so I think an infection highly unlikely as infections I have had before have been round the clock, mostly worse at night if anything.
But yesterday I saw a video saying pain starts in the brain. I wonder if I am manifesting the pain to avoid the anger and grief of my unjust life - I am exhausted after caring for my parents, and my five siblings starting at the age of 7. I have also been neglected sexually by my wife for a decade which has caused me lots of emotional pain and has been the main dispute in our marriage. This epididymal pain has stopped me caring for other people as I have felt unable to move without pain and scared to move too much in case the pain is worsened. My ego has partly died - I felt lost without being able to do things for others. I felt a failure. But now I feel that if I can be pain free I have somewhat grown out of this old way of behaving. Other people can love me for who I am not what I do for them, and if they don't, well that's up to them.
Now I just want to be pain free.
If anyone on this forum can shed light on my situation I would appreciate it. I have started The Divided Mind by Sarno and ordered some more TMS books. I intend to start the Gordon SEP on this website tonight and also to stop treating my condition with anything - I have been through everything - Chinese herbs, homeopathy, nutrition, castor packing, iodine, supplements, etc, etc.
A few questions:
Do you think this is TMS? Or do you think it is an injury of the epididymis caused by my daughter?
Does my fear of this never leaving keep it there?
What should I do to become pain free?
Thank you in advance.
Peace,
Conor
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