Needed Advice

Joulegirl

Joulegirl

Beloved Grand Eagle
I feel like I have done really well this summer. To be honest, I took a break from journaling and enjoyed my vacation and started my new job. I was really thinking I was turning a corner and was going to start to scale back some medicine (non addictive) and then my symptoms hit again and this flare with my main symptom has really discouraged me.

I struggle to keep the fear down on my main symptom. In fact, I'm having trouble today even telling myself that I'm ok and that it will go away. The fear has really got me! Throughout this summer I would get different symptom imperatives and I could easily use self talk to keep calm and get rid of the pain in just a couple of days! But I can't seem to talk this one down at all or keep this main symptom away for more than a week.

I've started journaling again. (using ChatGPT for the 30 day journaling prompts tailored to my main symptom. How cool is that?) I posted affirmation quotes in my work area just so I can keep telling myself that I am ok. I know this is TMS, but of course my brain reverts to fear when the pain shows up. Is there any other advice you would give me as I go through this rough flare? I know flares happen and this is not unusual. I think this one just really hit me in the feels and I wasn't sure what else I could do to calm myself down. Thanks!
 
I wonder if it has to do with your new job. It could maybe be something bugging you there that you don’t want to admit to yourself. (If there is, you don’t have to quit the job, just acknowledge that something makes you angry there.) It could even be something less direct, like you put too much pressure on yourself to perform or succeed at the job.

The other idea I have is you did something so good for yourself by starting this job that your TMS brain wants to shut you down and make you back off from this. The simple solution for that would be to stick it out and let your lizard brain realize this isn’t dangerous or threatening in any way.

Don’t let it get the best of you, even though it’s so discouraging. You know you have TMS and we know that persistence brings success sooner or later. It’s just a matter of time til it will go away if you don’t let fear overtake you. You got this! Don’t worry!
 
This is no different than what you’ve experienced. Don’t over complicate it. Don’t obsess over it. If it hurts, acknowledge it, feel whatever you need to feel, and go do something. Your brain will catch on there is nothing to fear.

The more attention you give it, the more you panic about it that it’s “different”, the more you want to throw everything and the sink at it, then the more power you give it — you are hurting yourself and this should be unacceptable to you.

Meditate, journal because you enjoy it and it gives you pleasure. But don’t do it for the sole purpose to fix. The mess is created from the tight grip of control. Loosen it. Log off from this forum if you need to.

Every time you flare or get a tingle, break the cycle by firmly saying one of your affirmation quotes or reminders that this is just TMS and it will turn off; this is not permanent. Then move on with your day. You may need to remind it like a scared child over and over and over until it gets it but yes it will get it, I promise.

Listen to yourself and trust your body. Take a pause and ask yourself out loud “what do I need right now?” If you listen closely, you will hear it whisper.
 
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All great advice, @Joulegirl.

@Diana-M mentioned pressure which we often overlook when we're in the midst of a flare. Look for the sources of your self-imposed pressures, which will be attached expectations. They might be associated with the new job, or they might be associated with your recovery, or, most likely, a combo of both.

@TG957 reminds us that meditation is a straightforward method of calming down, and if you're resistant like me, simple vagus-nerve breathing is a short-term but effective substitute especially in the moment. My understanding of the therapeutic value of meditation is to become consistently more mindful of the negative chatter in our brains and to use the practice to turn off the chatter and focus on something neutral and calming, such as the breath, or a mantra, or a gentle (zero pressure) affirmation. Watch out for affirmations that are hiding subtle pressure to be "better"!

As @HealingMe said, the more attention you give it, the more power you're giving it, so don't overthink and don't obsess. Just acknowledge, accept, and assume that this too will pass.
 
@TG957 Thank you for the reminder to do meditation. I know my brain chatter is at an all time high right now.

@Diana-M I have no doubt it is my job and my new responsibilities. I actually love it, but I put pressure on myself to know everything when I JUST started this job. I hate having to ask people for help. And school is starting this week and my son is a senior and my youngest is a freshman! As much as I love seeing my kids grow it is sad that my son is in his last year in high school! Then starts all the school activities! Summer is coming to an end fast!

@HealingMe I love the advice to just log off here. I actually did that this weekend and focused on just being with my family. I like journaling so I'm definitely going to continue to do it. It seems to clear my brain out and I think I have been missing it.

@JanAtheCPA I think having my main symptom being so painful and so severe at times has really scared me. I literally just laid on the couch and did nothing which is exactly what my nervous system wanted. (I know you guys all understand that!) I've come a long ways but I do recognize I have some more to go. The symptom imperatives don't scare me at all, but when my main symptom pops up, it just triggers me to back where I was laying on the couch and miserable. The key is to not overthink and tell myself I'm fine.

Thank you all for your advice. I'm printing it out and just keeping it out so I can reread this. I love this forum-you guys are wonderful!
 
Joulegirl said:
As much as I love seeing my kids grow it is sad that my son is in his last year in high school!
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Oh this is sorrow. I know it! It’s a lot of pain, but you feel guilty about having it, because of course you want them to grow up! TMS is caused by inner conflict. So here’s another good area to journal about. Just keep at it til you get some actual emotion while you’re writing. Not just thoughts. ❤️ And don’t forget to include the topic of abandonment —for when he leaves home. :( This is all TMS-city. Your job is small potatoes by comparison.
 
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