Need you guys

Hi - I'm new to this forum - I found this site after reading Healing Back Pain. I popped in on a Saturday Chat a few weeks ago just after debilitating pain changed my life. During that chat it was suggested that I follow the SEP to start my journey to recovery. Here's my story so far: It was the day before Thanksgiving, I was at work - I have a very physical and stressful job that I get no joy from - I was reaching under a table to move a large package and felt a twinge in my back. The twinge turned into a hot, burning pain that eventually radiated down my right buttocks and leg and left my right foot numb. When it got to the point that all I could do was crawl I went to the ER. Fast forward thru all the conventional medical care - pain meds, MRI that showed L5 S1 disc protruding on nerve and 2 steroid injections - I'm not pain free by any means, but I much more functional. I can walk and sit for short periods of time but usually wind up on my hands and knees, frozen in that position until the sharpness of the pain subsides or lessens - when this occurs I've tried yelling at my pain but have found that if I sing songs with words geared toward my pain it helps me relax more so the pain lessens faster - like the Frozen hit "Let it go, let it go I'm not having this paaain or Carly Simon's "I haven't the time for the pain..." I'm still not back at work because I can't sit for more that 10 minutes or drive yet - but not working is the least of my concerns right now. I figured that this didn't happen to me, it happened for me. My body is telling me I need to make a change. OK, so I get this. But I'm still in a great deal of pain and am only able to be pain free if I'm laying down. I feel that by being so sedentary, according to recent health studies, I might as well be smoking 2 packs of cigarettes a day. (This bothers me to no end because I'm a very active non-smoker.) I'm almost finished with the SEP and I've also read Pain Free for Life by Scott Brady and have really learned a lot about myself with all the journaling and writing exercises and am sure this is TMS/PPD issue. I miss my life. I'm trying each day to get back to more & more normal physical activity. Just yesterday I went to the community pool with my neighbor who takes an aqua aerobics class. I walked in the water for almost an hour watching the snow fall outside - not pain free, but a lot less pain - psychologically, I felt like a warrior. When I got home I walked by my beloved little red Toyota truck parked in front of my house, that I haven't driven since this all happened, and after brushing away some snow, I noticed a scrape on the back side that was probably left there by the truck that picks up the recyclables. My mind immediately went into a rage mode, my truck! somebody defaced my beautiful truck! A moment later, I realized I felt no pain. When I realized I was not in pain, my pain returned. AHH! How did that happen? How do I channel that distraction again? That's what all this is about but I can't get to it on my own doing. What am I missing? Help. Please. Thanks for taking the time to read this.

 

Hi Kzam: First of all I think you are doing very well. Congratulations on your progress in a short amount of time! Swimming is a great activity to get back into the swing of things. You seem to be on the go with this TMS stuff. I wouldn't worry about the effects of lying down for a long time. Out bodies are resilient, stronger than we give them credit for.

About relieving yourself of the pain when you were angry, that could be a sign to let your emotions out. Maybe get angry for a while. I did that for a while, then I started journaling more and getting into different emotions. But, to this day, when I have a lot to get out at once, I go for the anger first, it seems to be the biggest and quickest emotion to access. And patience, Rome wasn't built in a day. You saw that you are capable of having no pain, that's good, you can create that again. If you can do it once, you can do it again, and again.

 

The short answer: Sounds like you need to change the job environment. I wouldn't believe that 2 pack a day smoking thing, government scare propaganda paid for with our tax dollars. Keep up that pool thing, an hour is GREAT!, watching the snow fall. Sorry about your taco, hopefully it will rub out.

 

For me, practicing mindfulness meditation has been the biggest help in learning how to shift the focus of my brain. It develops that observer part of your brain, so that first you are aware that you are focused on something that is stressing you out. Then shift your attention outside yourself and your body to something pleasant (e.g. nature, music) or at least neutral. It gets easier with practice.

You're doing great. Take it one day at a time. You can become pain free.

 

Thank you for your replies. It seems like a lifetime already and you all encourage in one way or another that I'm doing well for a short amount of time. Guess I just have to be patient and really "take it one day at a time" - now I won't feel so discouraged with my progress. Thanks for mentioning the mindfulness meditation - I didn't even make the connection! And Tom, maybe I'll get something to rub out that "taco" and it will take my mind off my pain!

 

Kzam, great advice from Ellen, Peggy, and Tom.

Keep doing the SEP and only spend about an hour a day on it or other TMS healing techniques.
Spend more time on pleasant distractions. The truck scratch was another kind of distraction that caused rage,
but at least it took your mind off of your pain.

Try to journal a half hour or hour a day about what are your repressed emotions, probably going back to childhood.
That's most likely what is causing your pain. It led me to discovering what made me angry at my mother and father
and older brother. I then began to realize they had their own TMS repressed emotions and that led me to forgiving them.
That in turn healed my aching back.

You're on your way to becoming free of pain and in the process will learn who you really are
and that will make you healthier and happier.

When anxiety grabs me by the neck and I'm not alone in the house or at work, I sometimes go into the bathroom,
put my hand over my mouth, and scream. It is very therapeutic. Then I laugh, at what gave me anxiety
and also at myself and Life in general. That really helps and I forget what I was anxious about.

 

Thanks Walt. I am journaling and finding more anger in my life than I had ever realized I had. Also, I find great satisfaction in tearing the journal entries to shreds afterwards. One of the ways that I have been distracting myself is with my dog & 2 cats, I can tell they've been very concerned about me but have enjoyed having me around, especially when I'm on my hands and knees and they run under and around me. They enable me to laugh through my pain. I'm going to try your scream technique for sure.