I have not been actively posting on the site lately, but I have been a silent observer and listener. I am so grateful to this community and all their advice. I am healing! Not yet healed, but healing and slowly returning to my life again. Although, in returning to myself, I also find that I quickly return to old patterns of thinking and behavior. I have been having a tough day. It seems tougher than it really is, because I felt I made quite a few break throughs over the past week. So to wake up with symptoms that seemed to be getting the best of me was tough. I felt like I had worked through a lot of my emotional stressors and could not figure out what was going on. Then I noticed it didn't seem like just one thing going on, but the fact that I was putting to much effort into everything. I noticed I was doing things not with myself in mind, but with how others would perceive me. It was a return to my bad habit of constantly feeling I need to prove myself to others. I have recognized that I have thought this way most of my life, which makes it a difficult pattern to break. It certainly stems from low self esteem and fear of rejection. I know old habits die hard and I need to be persistent and patient, so I'm not exactly sure what I am looking for. I think I would just like to hear if anyone believes this need to prove myself could cause symptoms. I know I put a ton of pressure on myself and have a hard time accepting my limitations. And also, what are the best strategies to overcome this way of thinking. I'm trying to be mindful of my motivations behind what I do, but after 30 or so years of thinking this way, it is so automatic. Anyone else dealt with this? And most importantly, will working to change this pattern of behavior be effective in healing from TMS?