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Need to lose weight and my inner bully

Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by SRcombs, Aug 12, 2019.

  1. SRcombs

    SRcombs Peer Supporter

    Hi, I'm having a real hard time with my inner bully right now because I'm trying to lose some weight. Not because I want to look better. Honestly, I'm fine with how I look, but my BP and cholesterol are too high and my doctor wants me to loose about 20 lbs to see if it will help both.

    Mainly, I'm pissed that I need to lose this weight, because like I said, I'm really ok with how I look. I'm mad at my body for having high BP and cholesterol and I've kind of been in rebellion mode about the whole situation. But then my inner bully starts saying, "You're just lazy, you just don't want to work that hard." I try to talk back to it, but I guess that deep down inside there's a part of me that believes it.

    I know this harks back to my childhood because my mother is a perfectionist and the greatest sin in her eyes is laziness. Anytime I resisted doing a chore as a kid my mom would say, "You're just lazy." Mom loves me, I know that. She was and is a good mother. Saying I was abused would be a big fat lie, but this one thing has always laid between us. She pushes herself hard all the time and has no patience with people who don't push hard too. I also know that she is this way because her mother was the same way except not as nice as my mom. My grandmother was a very unhappy person and made everyone else around her unhappy too.

    Anyway, how do you talk to your inner bully when it's trying to push you to do something you NEED to do? I need to motivate myself in a gentle, loving way to do this, but I'm having a hard time coming up with a way.
  2. Sita

    Sita Well known member


    I can relate a little with your post. My father was/is like that but he's a loving person and just doesn't realize the pushing too hard part. He was an athlete and would make comments when I gained some weight. So I used to look like a model, this for decades and it was always very stressful to maintain it. My inner bully (and the voice of my father in my head) was quite nasty, but it came a time when I had to let go of it.

    What I do is to think about my body as a temple. And to take care of it, with love, grace and patience. It takes time to get use to this new concept but I can not for the love of God be a bully anymore. You'll have to let go of the bully, just change your thinking pattern. No negative thinking, try positive instead. Change your voice in the head, try some love and understanding. It takes time and patience but I'll be able to do it, you'll see. Just change your affirmations.

    Now I do need to lose some weight but I lose it eating healthy (no processed food), I prepare almost all my food at home, eat less but enough, and the most important I live and eat in the present moment. And enjoy each bite of my food. If I don't enjoy it, I don't eat it anymore. No distractions while eating, no phone (I just bought my first smartphone one month ago, used to have an antique, clap phone), no tv, no radio, no music, just golden silence. I have 3 meals a day and that's it.

    Try this method and you'll find your food to be absolutely delicious! Think about eating an apple in the present moment. Think about that apple while eating it, the aroma, smell, taste, juice etc. and not something else. Plus, you'll lose the extra weight and be/stay healthy.

    I was able to lose about 14 lbs in the last 6-7 weeks using this method and a little daily exercise (20-30 min a day: walking, or Yoga, or Pilates or QiGong or lifting weights).

    I hope this helps a little. All the best!
    Aimee88, plum and JanAtheCPA like this.
  3. SRcombs

    SRcombs Peer Supporter

    Thank you Sita for the encouragement. I to used to obsess about my weight/ looks. Only in about the last 10 years have I finally been at peace with my body. That's part of why I'm so resistant to the dieting thing. I don't want to go back to the woman who calorie counted EVERY single bite of food. It was crazy and caused me a lot anxiety and self-loathing and I'm just afraid that I trying to lose weight will trigger all those old feeling.

    I say, "Dang it, I'm 50yrs old. I should be allowed to look like a real 50yr old not a fitness model/Hollywood 50yr old."
    Aimee88 and Sita like this.
  4. Sita

    Sita Well known member

    "Dang it, I'm 50yrs old. I should be allowed to look like a real 50yr old not a fitness model/Hollywood 50yr old."

    Ha ha, yes! This would be a good new affirmation to practice. I love it! (I'll be 50 in 2 months)
    SRcombs likes this.
  5. SRcombs

    SRcombs Peer Supporter

    Funny about the smartphone. I still don't have one. I have a slide keyboard phone that I love. Don't know what I'm gonna do when it finally wears out 'cause I don't want a smartphone. Don't need to be that connected. LOL!
    Sita likes this.
  6. Amira

    Amira Newcomer

    Your story in a very inspirational example! Positive thinking is my moto and it's is what i try to stick to.
    What did exactly help you change your thinking pattern? I mean can you advice some sources or sth like that, I'd really appreciate it!
  7. Sita

    Sita Well known member


    I think that the most important thing that helped me was to meditate daily, twice a day actually. I'm a yogi, I started with meditation 24 years ago. But I never had a daily routine, unfortunately. I would meditate daily for a few months and then not really and then again consistently for another period of time and so on. About 5 years ago, a little more than that, I decided one day that I was going to meditate at least once a day, every single day. No matter what was going on with the body or with the mind at that time, that day. And I did it. And then, this summer I said: "Now I'm ready to do it twice a day, every single day." And I love it!

    You'll ask: "What's got to do this with our subject?"

    It's interesting actually. Meditations changes your way of thinking, in time. One forms some type of grooves in the brain and you think and react the same way over and over again. You just have to change the grooves. Easy? Not really!

    I meditate on God, just because I'm a believer. You can meditate on light, mother nature, silence or just an imagine of a serene landscape. In my case, in time, I started to see myself differently. Gradually. It's not just "me, me me, I, me and mine" anymore. I'm just a part of a whole (universe). It feels differently to be in the body, the body becomes just a package so to speak. And you start to take care of it, with patience and love. You don't abuse it anymore, you'are not obsessed with it anymore.

    It takes a lot of time and effort, it's not an instant thing that you experience and that's it, you are a new person. No. It takes time. In my case, I started to see results after a few years, my bad habits started to be not so interesting anymore for me. They left me because I didn't feed them anymore (not all of them left me, I still have more work to do, of course, ha ha). Just because I was not the same person anymore.

    Then, another point is using positive affirmations. You have to do it all the time, not just a few times a day for a few days and that's it! No. It is a long process. It takes time but it works like mathematics, it can not fail. You just have to put the effort each time and do your best.

    It's not easy, you have to meditate, to use positive affirmations and to observe your thinking all the time. Just look at the thoughts from outside, as if you'are not personally involved. Is this thought crappy? Is it useful? Is it kind? Is it trashy? Just ask yourself this questions and see how you respond.

    Anyway...this is my experience with it. I know for a fact that every person can do it, it's not something impossible.

    Hope that this helped a little.
  8. SRcombs

    SRcombs Peer Supporter

    It's funny Sita that you should post about the time it takes. Just this week I've been getting a little fed up with the vigilance it takes to do this. I've been throwing a little mental temper tantrum about the fact that I was tired of having to think about this stuff ALL THE TIME!!! I want the process to be automated. I don't want to have to work at it anymore. I kind of got off track for the last couple of weeks because we've had several small crisis and one ongoing to deal with. I starting having pain again and I knew it was because I wasn't taking the time to journal, do my affirmations, self-soothe, but I was so tired all I wanted to do when I had a free minute was zone out in front of the TV or lose myself in a good book. While those things are sometimes relaxing they're still not as effective as doing the work. I know that, it's just hard in practice.

    Thank you for reminding me that this is a life long process, not a quick fix.
    Sita likes this.

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