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Need to lose weight and my inner bully

Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by SRcombs, Aug 12, 2019 at 12:20 PM.

  1. SRcombs

    SRcombs New Member

    Hi, I'm having a real hard time with my inner bully right now because I'm trying to lose some weight. Not because I want to look better. Honestly, I'm fine with how I look, but my BP and cholesterol are too high and my doctor wants me to loose about 20 lbs to see if it will help both.

    Mainly, I'm pissed that I need to lose this weight, because like I said, I'm really ok with how I look. I'm mad at my body for having high BP and cholesterol and I've kind of been in rebellion mode about the whole situation. But then my inner bully starts saying, "You're just lazy, you just don't want to work that hard." I try to talk back to it, but I guess that deep down inside there's a part of me that believes it.

    I know this harks back to my childhood because my mother is a perfectionist and the greatest sin in her eyes is laziness. Anytime I resisted doing a chore as a kid my mom would say, "You're just lazy." Mom loves me, I know that. She was and is a good mother. Saying I was abused would be a big fat lie, but this one thing has always laid between us. She pushes herself hard all the time and has no patience with people who don't push hard too. I also know that she is this way because her mother was the same way except not as nice as my mom. My grandmother was a very unhappy person and made everyone else around her unhappy too.

    Anyway, how do you talk to your inner bully when it's trying to push you to do something you NEED to do? I need to motivate myself in a gentle, loving way to do this, but I'm having a hard time coming up with a way.
  2. Sita

    Sita Peer Supporter


    I can relate a little with your post. My father was/is like that but he's a loving person and just doesn't realize the pushing too hard part. He was an athlete and would make comments when I gained some weight. So I used to look like a model, this for decades and it was always very stressful to maintain it. My inner bully (and the voice of my father in my head) was quite nasty, but it came a time when I had to let go of it.

    What I do is to think about my body as a temple. And to take care of it, with love, grace and patience. It takes time to get use to this new concept but I can not for the love of God be a bully anymore. You'll have to let go of the bully, just change your thinking pattern. No negative thinking, try positive instead. Change your voice in the head, try some love and understanding. It takes time and patience but I'll be able to do it, you'll see. Just change your affirmations.

    Now I do need to lose some weight but I lose it eating healthy (no processed food), I prepare almost all my food at home, eat less but enough, and the most important I live and eat in the present moment. And enjoy each bite of my food. If I don't enjoy it, I don't eat it anymore. No distractions while eating, no phone (I just bought my first smartphone one month ago, used to have an antique, clap phone), no tv, no radio, no music, just golden silence. I have 3 meals a day and that's it.

    Try this method and you'll find your food to be absolutely delicious! Think about eating an apple in the present moment. Think about that apple while eating it, the aroma, smell, taste, juice etc. and not something else. Plus, you'll lose the extra weight and be/stay healthy.

    I was able to lose about 14 lbs in the last 6-7 weeks using this method and a little daily exercise (20-30 min a day: walking, or Yoga, or Pilates or QiGong or lifting weights).

    I hope this helps a little. All the best!
    plum and JanAtheCPA like this.
  3. SRcombs

    SRcombs New Member

    Thank you Sita for the encouragement. I to used to obsess about my weight/ looks. Only in about the last 10 years have I finally been at peace with my body. That's part of why I'm so resistant to the dieting thing. I don't want to go back to the woman who calorie counted EVERY single bite of food. It was crazy and caused me a lot anxiety and self-loathing and I'm just afraid that I trying to lose weight will trigger all those old feeling.

    I say, "Dang it, I'm 50yrs old. I should be allowed to look like a real 50yr old not a fitness model/Hollywood 50yr old."
    Sita likes this.
  4. Sita

    Sita Peer Supporter

    "Dang it, I'm 50yrs old. I should be allowed to look like a real 50yr old not a fitness model/Hollywood 50yr old."

    Ha ha, yes! This would be a good new affirmation to practice. I love it! (I'll be 50 in 2 months)
    SRcombs likes this.
  5. SRcombs

    SRcombs New Member

    Funny about the smartphone. I still don't have one. I have a slide keyboard phone that I love. Don't know what I'm gonna do when it finally wears out 'cause I don't want a smartphone. Don't need to be that connected. LOL!

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