Need some Encouragement

G.R.

G.R.

Well known member
Hi, my dear friends,
I could use some encouragement. I need something to hold onto from your encouraging, brillant
words.

I will give you a little background. I was having sciatica and some buttock tightness but that
was getting better this past summer. I was delighted to say the least. I was not pain or discomfort
free but it was manageable. Then, in October I started getting intense pain so I went to a TMS
doctor who was wonderful and confirmed I had TMS. Since, I started seeing him and started
really talking to my brain as he suggested my pains intensified then they started to move around.

I stayed calm and continued. Then, the symptoms totally changed from legs and buttock to severe
muscle tightening in my neck. This felt much worse. Then with the muscle tightening I had
pain and burning on one side of my neck. I felt like this was the area of my neck being deprived
of oxygen. When I went back to the doctor he thought this was wonderful to get my symptoms
to change after only a month. I wish I had his enthusiasm.

I believe the neck symptoms started at the same time both by college age students moved out of
the house in October and my husband just started traveling to work.

With these new neck symptoms, I have not been driving and had to take some time off of work.
I don't mind staying home but not driving is very confining. I am trying to go with the flow and
just be thankful, I got those symptoms to move. I figure it started in the legs moved to the
buttock and now it is in the neck. I guess it is moving on out of my body. Hah!!!

Yesterday, I started journaling and doing Unlearn Your Pain program (Dr. Schubiner).
I found the journaling really helped; something I have not been doing. I am going to continue it

I was so motivated, I went on four separate drives in the neighborhood. They were small drives
but I had very little pain in my neck and I was like a little kid behind the wheel. I was so
happy; feeling like I am getting my life back the way it was this summer. I even decided to
go to the movies at night which was not so easy. I had pain in neck while I sat as a passenger in the
car and had pain in the movies but after about 15 minutes the pain left and I so enjoyed the
movie.

I felt so empowered, then this morning I woke up and anxiety and fear tried to grip me. Anxiety
is something new. It really tried to discouraged me and the pain in my neck was intense.
I stayed up for a while then I decided to go back to bed, do some deep breathing, talk to my
self and got my body relaxed. I just got so discouraged, though. I think the fear and anxiety
took me by surprise.

I did attempt to go for a walk and with a little pain in my leg was able to walk about six long
blocks. I was so thankful to get outside in the fresh air. I am also going to take a little drive
soon.

If anyone can give me some encouraging words, I would so appreciate it. Just writing this
I feel is so therapeutic. Sorry, it is so long.

Love my Friends on the Wiki,
G.R.
 
GR)- I felt so empowered, then this morning I woke up and anxiety and fear tried to grip me. Anxiety
is something new. It really tried to discouraged me and the pain in my neck was intense.
I stayed up for a while then I decided to go back to bed, do some deep breathing, talk to my
self and got my body relaxed. I just got so discouraged, though. I think the fear and anxiety
took me by surprise.

I did attempt to go for a walk and with a little pain in my leg was able to walk about six long
blocks. I was so thankful to get outside in the fresh air. I am also going to take a little drive
soon.

Eric)- First I want to say I think your Dr. is right for thinking good thoughts cause your pain is moving
You know what that means , you said it above, you got it on the run.

The thing is sometimes the symptom imperatives can run for months and even longer as we focus on them ya know
So remember to not focus on the time it takes or the body- I know it sounds out there but your still reconditioning that's all.

Now the anxiety is part of healing so you have to become desensitized to this ya know, like what your doing when you drive.

When you have these pains get extreme as your talking about in the paragraph above its cause the tms is still trying to linger
You have proof that you got it moving and you have proof that your meditating and doing the programs
now you need to make a commitment that even when you hurt to the moon you wont loose your joy again-
When tms can get your joy- well its also got your courage and happiness which feeds the fear.

Just note on these days that your mind and body are in there most highest healing phase-
and when you come through like tomorrow or later today, maybe a week -
you will know beyond a doubt that its fear trying to hang on- just let it go and smile.
your doing great
Bless you
 
Hi GR

I really feel for you and I see some parallels with myself. I too had a major setback - sciatica - and couldn't drive for a few weeks, partly due to the drugs the doctor put me on and partly because my left leg was affected. I drive a car with a fairly stiff clutch. My left leg simply wasn't up to the job for awhile. When I did start to drive again I used my husband's car because his is automatic but I really preferred my own so I decided to persevere with the clutch. At first if I felt pain at a traffic light I would put my handbrake on to relieve my left leg. Gradually I tried not to do this by distracting myself with the music on the radio or life beyond my windscreen. Today it dawned on me that I was out for quite a while in the car without using the handbrake at all. It did feel very liberating.

I also relate to the sudden anxiety symptoms. I am no stranger to worry or even panic attacks but I haven't experienced the latter since my late teens. I began a mindfulness meditation course a few weeks back and while doing the body scan meditation I noticed that my chest always felt tight and the tension would not release. I notice it now throughout the day. I have not reached the point where this is scaring me because I know full well what it is - TMS. This past weekend it was suggested to me that I might be depressed. This thought made my chest tighten even further so perhaps there is an element of truth in it. Having your kids fly the nest is one of many milestones in our lives. You devote so much time to them and then suddenly they aren't there anymore. They don't need us but somehow we really need them. I have one child who graduated from university and is living independently. I only see her about once every two weeks and she is hopeless at returning text messages. Yet this is what I raised her to do, be independent and leave home. Why am I so miserable? Because I feel redundant, surplus to requirements, rejected, abandoned. Abandonment issues come up for us again and again in different guises, some obvious and some more subtle.

I haven't read Unlearn Your Pain but I know Dr Schubiner is a great advocate of mindfulness meditation. Did your book come with a CD? I have found the mindfulness meditation a real challenge but I am sticking with it. I do see some progress in that I am no longer kicking my own butt if my mind happens to wander off every second breath. The object is to notice what your mind is doing and gently bring it back to the breath. Tell yourself to breath the next breath. After that breath tell yourself to breath the next one. Try not to force anything on yourself. Don't try to relax with a vengeance.;)

I have been very resistant to journaling, partly because of a handwriting issue. I just find the physical act of writing a real chore, sometimes painful - a TMS equivalent. I'm working on this one but meanwhile I write short phrases here and there. Occasionally I will type up an entry.

I look forward to hearing how you get on. {{{bear hugs}}}
 
This is it GR right from Walts summary of Steveos chapter 14

Near the end of the chapter, Steve tells us, “You need to understand that pain is not necessarily a bad thing. You are on the verge of growth through change, and that you are fighting the needed changes. There is opportunity knocking at your conscious mind in the form of pain, and you need only to look inward to see what that opportunity is.”

As the pain increases, it is desperate. It moves around your body and often increases in intensity as you try to ignore it or fight it. It fights your fighting it.

Steve says he began looking at an increase of his pain as a good sign. He felt he was winning the battle because every time his pain increased, he achieved a new level of healing. He came a step closer to pain-free.

“This is reversing the way the pain is interpreted by the brain. When the pain increases, think, ‘Ahhh, tomorrow will be better. My brain is desperate because it’s losing its hold on me."

You will not heal exactly the same way or degree each day. There will be ups and downs that depend on many interrelated things. A few of these are nutrition, exercise, stress, relationship energy demands, good sleep, motivation, criticisms, bills to pay but not the money to pay them, etc. They can determine the state of the mindbody process on any given day.
 
Hi, Herbie. Steve's chapter 14 is so great. Worth reading every day!

Friends are coming tonight at about 6, bringing liver to fry and margaritas to drink.
I provide the stove, the salad, baked potatoes, onions to fry.
Also they're bringing a dog for Annie to play with. Wow, looking forward to it.
 
Eric,
I did go back and read that chapter from Steve O's book but I think you said it wonderfully.
I can look at the intense pain today because yesterday I journaled a lot and felt like I had
a break through. So, I should look at it like success and deeper healing went on yesterday.
WOW!!! That just changes my whole perspective.

Walt, Eric, yb44, thank you for taking the time to encourage me. I much more encouraged.
I will read and read this chapter 14 in Steve's O book. It nice to know you can reach out
and somebody cares.
 
Walt,
It sounds like you have a wonderful, fun night ahead. And I am so happy Annie has a friend
to play with. Have an awesome time!!!
 
Please call me if you need to talk, I am always here for you. If your
pain is bad just call me. I can truly relate and love to be there for others,
just need to call Rose. Love ya, Nancy, the Jersey Girl!!
 
Nancy, I learned so much this morning about how to combat fear.
I was very discouraged this morning but then the afternoon turned
around. When we talk, I will share it with you.

You are a sweetheart, Nancy. From one Jersey Girl to Another my dear
friend,
 
Thank you Rose, can't wait to hear from you. We are in this boat together.
N.J. girls!!! I do love all the people here in T.N., so polite and caring. I love
living here. I am here for you whenever you need, you know that. Nancy
 
I'm glad you girls are sharing experiences. The forums are opening us all up to each other.

I was on the phone a lot, as a Chicago Tribune reporter for seven years, and that left me
not wanting to be on the phone very much or very long. Plus, my mother used to keep me
on the phone for long spells and most of her "news" was telling me she bought a new pot.

I know you girls talk about more important things. If Mom had known about TMS she
would have had more to share with me.
 
Thank You GR.
Im glad you got your smile back.
I think having friends here at Tmswiki is a powerful tool
I have to admit I've had my share and it helped me tremendously
Continues to help too.
Bless you G.R.
 
yb44,
Thank you for sharing with me. Sounds like you are making real progress!!! Awesome!!!
Sounds like you have a real handle on your driving? That is wonderful.

Yes, Unlearn Your Pain has a CD of meditation with it. It is very good. I am really
finding the book very helpful; especially helping me get some repressed emotions
out.

I feeling much better. Yesterday I walked about seven long blocks which was wonderful.
I, also, drove two separate times around the neighborhood. I felt like a teenager who
just got their life back.

Since, I took some time off of work, I have to just figure out what to do with my time.
I think I am going to do some writing, maybe for a book and start writing more
regularly on my website. I am just sitting her on the couch and it feels so nice.
Very quiet and relaxing. I am going to enjoy time to just relax and enjoy, also.

May I ask you how you did when your daughter left home? I am going to learn to
enjoy this season of my life with my children out of the house.

Thank you yb44, to take the time to encourage me. It is very much appreciated
G.R.
 
Walt,
I wouldn't know what to do without the phone. It often is my lifeline. I think it is because
I am very social.

And Eric, your words yesterday I am going to hold onto. They were extremely insightful!!
G.R.
 
yb44 said:
Hi GR

I really feel for you and I see some parallels with myself. I too had a major setback - sciatica - and couldn't drive for a few weeks, partly due to the drugs the doctor put me on and partly because my left leg was affected. I drive a car with a fairly stiff clutch. My left leg simply wasn't up to the job for awhile. When I did start to drive again I used my husband's car because his is automatic but I really preferred my own so I decided to persevere with the clutch. At first if I felt pain at a traffic light I would put my handbrake on to relieve my left leg. Gradually I tried not to do this by distracting myself with the music on the radio or life beyond my windscreen. Today it dawned on me that I was out for quite a while in the car without using the handbrake at all. It did feel very liberating.

I also relate to the sudden anxiety symptoms. I am no stranger to worry or even panic attacks but I haven't experienced the latter since my late teens. I began a mindfulness meditation course a few weeks back and while doing the body scan meditation I noticed that my chest always felt tight and the tension would not release. I notice it now throughout the day. I have not reached the point where this is scaring me because I know full well what it is - TMS. This past weekend it was suggested to me that I might be depressed. This thought made my chest tighten even further so perhaps there is an element of truth in it. Having your kids fly the nest is one of many milestones in our lives. You devote so much time to them and then suddenly they aren't there anymore. They don't need us but somehow we really need them. I have one child who graduated from university and is living independently. I only see her about once every two weeks and she is hopeless at returning text messages. Yet this is what I raised her to do, be independent and leave home. Why am I so miserable? Because I feel redundant, surplus to requirements, rejected, abandoned. Abandonment issues come up for us again and again in different guises, some obvious and some more subtle.

I haven't read Unlearn Your Pain but I know Dr Schubiner is a great advocate of mindfulness meditation. Did your book come with a CD? I have found the mindfulness meditation a real challenge but I am sticking with it. I do see some progress in that I am no longer kicking my own butt if my mind happens to wander off every second breath. The object is to notice what your mind is doing and gently bring it back to the breath. Tell yourself to breath the next breath. After that breath tell yourself to breath the next one. Try not to force anything on yourself. Don't try to relax with a vengeance.;)

I have been very resistant to journaling, partly because of a handwriting issue. I just find the physical act of writing a real chore, sometimes painful - a TMS equivalent. I'm working on this one but meanwhile I write short phrases here and there. Occasionally I will type up an entry.

I look forward to hearing how you get on. {{{bear hugs}}}
Click to expand...
yb44 im so proud of you, you are doing mindfulness and you've committed to truly healing
You are sure of what your looking for and you've gone for it, so perfect.

Also you feel your emotions, that means you can control them-
In time you will be writing how you gained total control over these negative emotions

I know you have a bit of that control now or it would be to hard to share
Keep helping others as this will continue to manifold in your life through the seed, karma
or just paying forward- either way you've learned how to get a handle on this situation

Im Ecstatic, Your super
Bless you
 
G.R. said:
yb44,

I feeling much better. Yesterday I walked about seven long blocks which was wonderful.
I, also, drove two separate times around the neighborhood. I felt like a teenager who
just got their life back.

Since, I took some time off of work, I have to just figure out what to do with my time.
I think I am going to do some writing, maybe for a book and start writing more
regularly on my website. I am just sitting her on the couch and it feels so nice.
Very quiet and relaxing. I am going to enjoy time to just relax and enjoy, also.

May I ask you how you did when your daughter left home? I am going to learn to
enjoy this season of my life with my children out of the house.

G.R.
Click to expand...


I'm so pleased that things are shifting for you. Your description of sitting on the couch shows that can be in the present moment and enjoy a quiet, relaxing moment. No worrying about what to make for dinner, no ruminating about what someone said to you last week, no beating yourself up for a taking a break. We all need to have many more of these moments. They are what soothes the rage.

As for my daughter leaving she did go with a prompt from me at age 25. My daughter wasn't happy living with us for a number of reasons but one of them was a long-running feud with her younger sister. We had also just been through a very stressful time financially. Both my 25 year old daughter and husband were made redundant within a couple of months of each other. It took my daughter longer to find a job but when she did she ended up with a better job than the one she applied for because the company were so impressed with her. Although I had been working it was only part time and not terribly well-paid. I asked my daughter if she would contribute to the household expenses to help us make ends meet. She got annoyed and decided very quickly that it wasn't worth paying any sort of rent to us as she didn't really want to live at home. She would prefer to move out and pay rent to someone else. Within a month she had found a house share and moved out. She really loves living where she does and has never looked back or expressed regret at her decision to leave. Of course I am happy that she is happy. Wouldn't want it any other way. However I have accepted that I do harbour other emotions which are quite negative as mentioned in my previous post. I would bet that my daughter has some negative emotions about it all too but not necessarily on a conscious level.

Keep on acting like a free-spirited teenager, GR. This is our time to thrive.
 
Eric "Herbie" Watson said:
yb44 im so proud of you, you are doing mindfulness and you've committed to truly healing
You are sure of what your looking for and you've gone for it, so perfect.

Also you feel your emotions, that means you can control them-
In time you will be writing how you gained total control over these negative emotions

I know you have a bit of that control now or it would be to hard to share
Keep helping others as this will continue to manifold in your life through the seed, karma
or just paying forward- either way you've learned how to get a handle on this situation

Im Ecstatic, Your super
Bless you
Click to expand...



Yes, Eric, it is hard to share. I would have thought it was easy but it is actually quite painful. However it is a step in the right direction. Thank you for being someone that others can lean on and seek comfort from in their moments of hopelessness and despair. You are a shining light guiding them forth. Blessings to you too.
 
yb44, Thanks for sharing about your daughter. I know it is said that mothers know how to push their children's
buttons but I also think children know how to press their mother's buttons, especially daughters.

I am sure in one way the decision of your daughter made was not easy for you. Somehow, some of the
things our children do can hurt and feel insensitive on their part but I do believe we have to allow
them to mature even if it hurts a bit. We are so fortunate to have children.

And, yes I am going to learn to be a free- spirited teenager again. I think when our children grow up
we need to do a paradigm shift in our thinking to propel us into new adventures in living. I am so
imaging and creating who I want to be right now. It takes work though because this is a whole new
season, I have no experience with. I am going to have fun exploring this new phase of my life.
 
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