Need some cheering up

L

Ludmilla

Peer Supporter
Hi everyone,

I've been on and off these forums for a few years now, and I've talked before about my struggle with a persistent symptom, vulvodynia, because I was exhausted to see no progress, whereas other symptoms were disappearing or getting better.

Well I'm sorry to inform you that I'm still struggling with it and that the pain is continuing to slowly get worse over time. I know this is 100% TMS and I also think I know where this stems from emotionally, but I guess I just need some encouragement from you guys because I'm starting to feel very, very defeated. I want to have sex without pain for once in my life, I want to be the healthy young woman I should be, I want to see at least some progress to help me persevere. I'm also in the middle of ovarian stimulation to try for a baby so I guess I'm just exhausted with the whole feeling like a subpar woman thing.

My other persistent symptom is IBS but it doesn't bother me as much, I can live with it. Vulvodynia (and pelvic pain) is on another level. The other day I was getting examined by my gynecologist for something unrelated and she was shocked by how raw my vulva was (had intercourse the night before), and for some reason this really upset me.
 
Hi!

It's probably not my place to comment on your condiditon as I'm a guy but I suffer from something a bit similar (the doctors believe it's coccygodynia but the symptoms are not consistent). One thing you can be sure of, is that you are not alone and never will be. We're all together in those struggles. I think we can all benefit from just sharing our emotional distress on the Support Subforum. It seems a good place to get these things out of our system. And I guess it's okay to have those moments when you just need to complain to someone. When I have those, I usually complain to a family member and then immediatelly regret burdening them with my problems. I do feel better though after I do that. Perhaps doing it here instead is a good alternative.
 
@Ludmilla
You have come so far!
Do you congratulate yourself? You should!
The other day Dani of Mytmsjourney said something that may help.

You must learn to actively love your body to heal. This means taking rest and resting your mind from constantly thinking about your pain. It means moving your body -not just in ways you are used to that feel safe, but learning to feel safe by doing new things too sometimes (having fun moving!). It means telling your body every day “thank you” - for heart beating, for lungs breathing, for organs doing their job. Looking in the mirror and saying the most positive things you can say and believe, “I’m a good woman” , “I look nice today”, “I love you”. Dani feel this self-acceptance of where we are at is very important to healing.
It is worth a try to find small, new steps in healing that will continue to make you feel better about yourself.
 
Thank you Manjuno and Cactusflower for your kind words. It means a lot. I feel à bit better mentally, on a holiday soon so hoping to get some rest !
 
You are NOT a subpar woman or human. These feelings alone can make TMS/the mind-body connection ramp up. Every human experiences the mind-body connection to some extent, whether it's sweaty palms when nervous, blushing, etc. There is nothing wrong with you! In fact, you wouldn't be human if you didn't experience mind-body symptoms. The silver lining in all of this? Humans can recover from them!

You are posting on this forum because you want to move on and live your life. That alone indicates a great deal of drive and strength.

I've definitely dealt with vaginal and vulvar pain after sex, speculums at the gynecologist, riding my bike long distances, etc. It all diminishes once I relax. But don't get caught up on monitoring your symptoms after attempting to relax - that only starts the cycle back up. It's important to truly believe you are safe.

One other note: you do not ever need to say "sorry" for experiencing mind-body symptoms. You have done nothing wrong. You are perfectly valid!

Enjoy your holiday! Don't force yourself to relax - try focusing on doing things you genuinely love. :)
 
Thank you Dorado ! Those are wise words indeed. Your success story is definitely one of the most inspiring to me and I did remember you mentioned you had vulvar pain at some point.

I've been feeling better mentally-wise these past few days and I sure plan to enjoy my holiday !!
 
Ludmilla,

I sympathize with your situation. I’m sorry you are having more pain. I wonder how much you are doing to look at your emotions. Perhaps you had a traumatic event concerning sex which has brought on this condition like a rape or a traumatic event with a man. I think the best thing you can do is explore your emotions to see why this developed. You know this is TMS. That is an important first step. These things can take time, and I know how hard it is to wait. Hang in there, and I wish you the best of luck.
 
Please know this can improve. I also had vulval pain and even had a doctor suggest surgery. Fortunately I did not go along with that and things did get much better. I really felt like I was broken and that is not the case.

Apart from my TMS work what helped me was finding a good gynecologist, using lube when needed and starting hormone replacement therapy.

Please know you are not alone and things will improve.
 
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