Need some boost from you people.

[zumanon]

Hello All! This is my first post here but I have been reading Dr. Sarno's books for over three months. As I live in a country where I have no chance of getting a physical examination to determine whether the symptoms I have are TMS or not I have chosen to believe they are and accepted the diagnosis(what else can I do? Because I don't want to be operated on multi levels as several doctors have prescribed). I am working on my psychological issues everyday and ignoring the pain and numbness in my right foot and and loss of muscle strength and atrophy in my right calf. I am also trying to distance myself from the fact that I also have a slight foot drop. I can't say I have made much progress but at least I'm not fearful of activity, bending, lifting things, carrying weights etc.

Well the issue is I just wonder if anybody has recovered from muscle loss and foot drop on their journey to healing? I don't want to think about some doctors' warnings that if I don't get operated on it could get worse. I just want to hear some encouraging words from you guys.

Thank you.

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Hi, Zumanon, welcome to the TMS Club.
I haven't had muscle loss and foot drop, but expect that those who have those symptoms will reply to you.
The good thing is, you are working on ignoring any pain that comes from being active.
That is one of the main things suggested by Steve Ozanich in his book The Great Pain Deception.
You should read it because you would recognize yourself a lot in it and gain inspiration toward healing.

Are you journaling about why you have TMS? It's thinking about your past and present emotionally
and writing down your thoughts. Most often, these go back to our childhood. Something current may
trigger a remembrance of a youthful trauma which could be parents divorcing, feelings of abandonment,
having been mentally or physically abused. Also, journal about your personality. Are you a
prefectionist or a "goodist" who wants everyone to love and approve of them?

I suggest you spend some time, maybe half an hour or an hour a day, looking at the various forums on
the TMSWiki to learn more about people lie you who need help in healing. The success forum is
especially helpful and inspiring.

And as Dr. Sarno says in his books, surgery is most likely not going to relieve the pain.
Believing 100 percent in TMS is the cure.

 

[zumanon]

Thank you, Walt. Just today I have listened to Steve Ozanich on a podcast. I will order his book.

I have made a list of things that could have influenced me as a kid and current problems I am having. I am adding on to the list as new memories and events come up. I have discovered this forum just yesterday. I will surely read through the success forum.

One thing I have noticed is that the day I have made the bulk of the list my pain increased and in places I have not experienced before. I guess my unconscious mind was not so happy that I am consciously mining my past to find events long forgotten.

Thank you again.

 

[cirrusnarea]

One thing I have noticed is that the day I have made the bulk of the list my pain increased and in places I have not experienced before.

That's a great sign, Sarno calls it the Symptom Imperative. I've had pain all over the place too.

Also, you may not have access to a TMS physician, but perhaps a psychotherapist is in your area who can help you work through these issues?

 

[zumanon]

Thank you so much, cirrusnarea. I must have missed the term Dr. Sarno has given it. These days I'm under quite a pressure career wise, and my symptoms have jumped off to my left knee in addition to my affected right foot with no apparent reason. I'm trying to take it in stride(no pun intended) and don't give it much attention. However when I see myself in a mirror somewhere hobbling along with an ungainly gait I feel a bit embarrassed. Then I get angry at my brain for playing such tricks on me.

Do you think a regular psychotherapist will go along with the TMS diagnosis and help me uncover the underlying reasons?

 

[North Star]

Hi Zumanon, Welcome to the forum! Some of my favorite brain tricks are to manifest TMS in my legs and ankles. Through the course of even just a few hours, I can go from having a swollen achilles in my right foot to sharp pains in my left knee, then bounce over to a toe on the right foot. I'm not kidding you. I figure I must be quite the sight on some of my walks…limping and gimping here and there.

Then when that gets old, shoulder pain rolls in. I really am learning to laugh at it. It's just ridiculous!

If you're able to see a psychotherapist, I would urge you to see one specializing in TMS. There's plenty of recommendations on the main wikki page, many of whom Skype.

A lot of us though, like myself, are in the "Physician, heal thyself, " camp. You can do the education program here (SEP) and follow those exercises. Or get Dr. Schubiner's book, which outlines a self-treatment plan to follow. And I know there are other programs too but they are escaping me right now.

Above all things remember this can take patience. Even the best program or therapist doesn't mean a quick fix. So be kind to yourself and remember the tortoise beats the hare.

 

[Colly]

Hi Zumanon, glad you've ordered Steve Ozanich's book. He had drop foot and refers to it several times in his book.

Here's what he said on page 128/9:

"Watching as the neurosurgeon hit my knee with the rubber hammer - my deep tendon reflex absent - was a tough memory for me to erase. As my feet began to drop in paralysis, and as numbness and tingling set in , it was very difficult to accept that what I was seeing was purely an emotional effect. Yet even seeing this, I chose not to believe a structural defect was causing it all. It was the best, and yet most difficult, decision I have ever made regarding my health, and it has paid off a thousand times over. My life is pain free for the first time that I can remember, because I chose to open my mind".

Remember though, you should see a neurologist to rule out anything else. I had numbness in one of my legs so had this checked out. The neurologist confirmed my previous Fibromyalgia diagnosis, and if I'd known about TMS then I would have done cartwheels around his room, knowing this is TMS and therefore with time, self-compassion and a truckload of patience I would recover.

You've found this forum and Dr Sarno, and soon to discover Steve Ozanich - you're on the right path Hang in there!

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Hi, Colly. I forgot what Steve wrote about drop foot. Thanks for sharing it with everyone.

Her's busy promoting his book, The Great Pain Deception,
and we can help by giving a favorable review of it at amazon.com books.

 

[Colly]

Hey Walt, yes I ticked that box a while ago after reading Steve's book. I will be doing the same for you and Herbie once I read yours!

 

[zumanon]

Great excerpt from Ozanich's book, Colly! It is indeed very difficult to accept that the numbness and loss of control on your foot is emotional . But it gives me hope to hear people overcoming such a crippling effect.

I tried to order the electronic copy from Amazon but strangely they denied purchase because I live in Europe(Turkey). Now I will have to order the print copy and wait for delivery

 

[zumanon]

Thank you for your suggestions, North Star. While reading Dr. Sarno's book I've come across the equivalents of TMS and realized that I've had many of the listed conditions in the past. I still experience some of them. But by far the best is TMS Nothing beats the pain and hobbling along with your feet dragging and numb, looking for a place to sit down every few minutes. And having to explain to your friends and strangers alike why you bear with all this and not go straight to the operating table.

 

[Tennis Tom]

...And having to explain to your friends and strangers alike why you bear with all this and not go straight to the operating table.

Yep, that's the best one, not a day goes by someone doesn't ask me why I don't have a hip-replacement? They've even threatened an intervention, to tie me down and deliver me onto the orthopedic surgeon's table. I'm about to go out and smack some balls in a moment--they mean well--I don't ask them why they don't fix their hacker's strokes.

Cheers,
tt/lsmft

 

[zumanon]

Strange day. Maybe I needed an intensive session to get a breakthrough.
But let me go back a bit. I got Steve Ozanich's book last week. Very strong book. Even the first two chapters could be a book by themselves. Then I read about how he got the audio book of Dr. Sarno's "Healing Back Pain" and how it made a difference listening to the doctor in his own voice. So I did the same yesterday. And boy was he right! Although I've read the book twice before, listening to Dr. Sarno was a totally different experience. It was as if the written word had not made a dent in my armor and his voice reading the same words pierced right through. I listened to him on way back home yesterday, before I fell asleep and on the way to work this morning. I continued reading Steve's book during lunch break until I came to this passage on page 127:

"This point must be made so that there is no doubt in the reader’s mind. It is the individual’s ego that will not allow him to believe that TMS is true. The formation of the superego is designed just for this purpose—to appear to be above the human processes of anger, fear, anxiety, and humanity."(bold mine)

Then I started crying. I became a child again and cried. Even as I am writing this my tears swell up. It was as if I have understood for the first time how the superego has the robotic notion that it is above everything human and dictates those robotic laws on my very human child within. It has been forcing all those dictums( or dicta, as in dictator) all my life until now. And that made me cry. What hell it was to live under the yoke of the Superego/Superman/ Super-robot!

Thank you everyone for pointing me in the right direction. I am grateful for your help.

P.S: I thought I would never write openly that I cried.