Need Reassurance from Pain-Free People

I've been at this journey for a while now with lots of ups and downs. My pain has wandered all over my lower back lately and tonight, I'm feeling defeated, irritated and I guess fearful that this is never leaving. I'm so sick of this pain, I could scream. I just want to feel good and I know this is the exact thinking that keeps the pain going. I try and try to break the pain cycle by practicing outcome independence and usually I can do it, but then I just wonder if I'm just being naive that it'll actually leave and I'll just have to live this way. It's not unbearable, but it's there and it hinders my joy. I have a fear of exercise lately again too which also has come and gone. I just need someone to tell me that they've been there done this and that I'm on the right path. I feel like I've exhausted going through my emotional state and I know where traumas have occurred.

 

This may sound weird, but you're in a good place right now. You know the saying "it's always darkest before the dawn", well that's where you're at. I've experienced it myself, it's just your brain digging in for one last attempt at keeping you focused on your level of pain. The fear of exercise thing is just another distraction, so try to ignore it.

It's OK to feel the way you do, angry, afraid and frustrated; ask yourself who wouldn't. Never berate yourself for being human. In most cases, TMS healing takes a considerable amount of time, over 3 years in my case, so it's very easy to become frustrated. This in turn creates tension (rage), which is what you want to avoid. The pain will leave when it ceases to become important, lose the fear, lose the pain it's that simple, but difficult to do because you're working on breaking an unconscious habit.

In my case it was trauma that started my symptoms, but everyday stressors and fear of the pain itself which kept it going.

I would try to practice self compassion, don't beat yourself up for not being "cured" yet. Also have you tried identifying when you are conditioned to have pain and working on that, because if you've deeply explored your true feelings around traumatic events you are probably just getting pain when you expect to have it or go looking for it.

One thing I used to do was have a really good day, then a bad one because I was putting myself under pressure to repeat it !

I'm still not 100% pain free 100% of the time, but I'm fear free and live my life excactly as I want to, so I consider myself healed. I had what I thought was a major relapse a little while ago, but got it under control in a couple of weeks. I'd had some bad news, so my brain had tried to revert to it's old tactics.

Persistance is the key, just stick at it and you will continue to heal I promise.

Bless you

 

COgirl

great point that Mermaid made about having good days and expecting another…that is real pressure and I find myself caught in that loop time to time also I need to brake the the pain cycle when I wake up in the morning I go to sleep basically pain free, but soon as I rise its start its been a terrible cycle for awhile ….so what I am doing know is not trying anymore to break it just be aware my SC is winning this round and ignore it…

Mermaid great advice on all your post.

 

@Cogirl, Mermaid gave you wonderful advise. The only thing i can add is my expertise on exercise. May I ask what exercise you do? Are you by any chance doing Yoga, Pilates or Tai Chi? All forms of body mind.

I practice and teach Pilates. For me even when I get a twinge of a pain or my neck feels tight I breathe through it. I've been taught to think of myself as an organism which flows rather than our body as a mechanical machine. Think of the spine and movement of an animal, tension free. Watch how a cat moves its Spine or a dog running through the park... When exercising think of your spine and body that way, flexible, free, moving....... I also am fortunate to have a wonderful teacher that I take my own personal session with (she actually had and understands TMS) she is quite compassionate. If any of these modalities interest you perhaps if affordable to you some private sessions learning to feel your body might be of value. Getting in touch with you.
On the complete opposite end of the spectrum kick boxing was mentioned to get out all anger!

Warmly, Susan

 

Thank you all for your replies. We had a kinda traumatic event in our family this month with my grandma falling and then passing. I think this stirred up a lot of past emotions for me because I was doing pretty good. I also have a toddler and an 11 week old so I have had a lot going on and I'm trying to be patient as we adjust to all this but nonetheless the good days and bad days are annoying to me. I know I just need to start exercising because that has helped me in the past but it's just getting past the first few workouts.

 

@Cogirl, im so sorry about your grandma...

Mermaid gave you wonderful advise. The only thing i can add is my expertise on exercise. May I ask what exercise you do? Are you by any chance doing Yoga, Pilates or Tai Chi? All forms of body mind.

I practice and teach Pilates. For me even when I get a twinge of a pain or my neck feels tight I breathe through it. I've been taught to think of myself as an organism which flows rather than our body as a mechanical machine. Think of the spine and movement of an animal, tension free. Watch how a cat moves its Spine or a dog running through the park... When exercising think of your spine and body that way, flexible, free, moving....... I also am fortunate to have a wonderful teacher that I take my own personal session with (she actually had and understands TMS) she is quite compassionate. If any of these modalities interest you perhaps if affordable to you some private sessions learning to feel your body might be of value. Getting in touch with you.
On the complete opposite end of the spectrum kick boxing was mentioned to get out all anger!

Warmly, Susan

 

Okay everyone I did a quick circuit workout at home and I haven't really worked out in months due to being pregnant/postpartum and now in pain. I pushed myself to do it and as I was bending over, I definitely felt some pain. I should just keep trucking through this right?

 

This is exactly how I feel too. You are not alone.

 

Hi CoGirl, You've received some great advice already! (Mermaid, I was just feeling a little blue about being over 2 years in my journey and still not totally pain free. Your comment about 3 years encouraged me. )

Girl, you have a toddler and a new baby. Honey, you do circuits every moment those babies are awake. I've been in your shoes - I had three under 3 1/2 and that's when my TMS really got ugly. (Co-inkydink? I think not!) There's a time for trucking, my friend, but 11 weeks post partum at it. Especially if you're nursing.

I would encourage you to simply find something you ENJOY for activities. A walk around the block. Maybe some yoga on Youtube. (Susan had some great suggestions too.) Whatever moves your body gently and nourishes your soul. The last thing you need right now is another "HAVE TO". Move your body, yes. Exercise gently because you know it will help you...but don't should on yourself. Be gentle, be kind to yourself. Being a mommy to yourself too....treat yourself with the same love and kindness you lavish on those babies.

Hang in there, CoGirl. It's not a sprint...you'll get through this. Sending you mama bear hugs....

 

CO girl, I'm so sorry for your loss. You're dealing with so much right now that it's no wonder that both stress and pain levels are up.
I like what Susan said about organic movement. I also feel that I need different things at different times. Don't be afraid to experiment! If something doesn't work, there are always many alternatives to try.
Blessings on your journey.

 

Love the HAVE TO AND SHOULDS we put on ourselves just added anger stress and anxiety good point NS.

 

This is such a wonderful exchange of posts. You are all helping each other to heal and creating a lot of positive encouragement.

I'm 85 and healed from severe back pain three years ago when I learned about TMS and read Dr. Sarno and Steve Ozanich's books.
I still get a little back pain but not enough for even an Advil or Tylenol. I know its TMS from my emotions. I'm a freelance writer and
have lived with financial insecurity for more than 40 years as a self-employed writer. I don't sell any new books because publishers seem
to only want books about vampires and I don't write that stuff. I get over any pain now by deep breathing, living in the present, and laughing.

I consider TMS to be a lifetime journey... some days better than others... but I am glad that TMS has helped me discover my real self, warts and all, and to be kind to me, and to others. Forgiving those who trespassed against me has helped heal me and make me happier. Forgiving myself, too.

 

I really enjoyed reading this thread. Thank you for reaching out cogirl. I know how frustrating the process can be at times. I've been at it a while too, and sometimes I feel exactly the same way. But then I remember that there's nowhere else to run. My pain is psychosomatic and Dr. Sarno's theory is the only thing that makes any sense to me. I have tomkeep at it no matter how long it takes.

I loved the advice about the have-tos to vs should. For many years, especially since having my son, I would wake up every single day super stressed with my to-do list in mind. I put this kind of pressure on myself every day for years. It was so depressing. I've changed that since finding out about tms. At one point I asked myself, "what absolutely needs to be done today? What is truly important?" With that in mind I came up with a new to-do list. It has only two items and they are the same everyday: feed my family (which I actually really enjoy) and hand in the contracts my clients are expecting. That's it!

The most amazing things happened when I did that. For one, I realized that just those two things take a lot more time than I thought. It makes me see how much pressure I was actually putting on myself. And two, by taking the pressure off, I actually have energy left over for fun stuff. This technique is one way that helps me keep my perfectionism in check, at least a little bit. But sure enough, when my pain comes back, I realize that I've started putting pressure on myself again. It's such a tough habit to break.

 

This thread makes me think of a picture book called So Few of Me by Peter Reynolds. I'm a list maker, and this book helped me to see the absurdity of overdoing it.
I still make lists, but they're much more manageable!