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Need Opinion

Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by Boston Redsox, Jun 19, 2015.

  1. Boston Redsox

    Boston Redsox Well Known Member

    As you know or not, I am going threw a divorce end or marriage whatever its called and at the moment we are living in same house and all is fine on the outside.

    But my soon to be ex partner is carrying on with a long distance phone romance .....I don't want to interfere because she could just say I found someone and I am gone......( that would be hitting a lottery ticket) or do I confront here with this.

    The cheating as been her MO for awhile takes after here mother. It does and does not bother me. Do I just let the universe deal with it☺
  2. Markus

    Markus Guest

    I would let the universe deal with it. It doesn’t sound like it's hurting anyone. I guess the deciding factor is how it affects you. If it's affecting levels of pain TMS effects then I'd confront her. I believe you know that she'll be gone soon enough so, until you become aware that it's really bothering you, you could just leave it. That's probably how I would do it, let the divorce (the separating happen at its pace). It also sounds like there is a part of you that doesn't want to have her gone in a huff! Monitor your feelings!. She may even mention it.
  3. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    I never married but have helped friends through their divorce. Some divorced and remarried, others were able to
    reconcile. In you case, cheating could be fatal to a marriage. It doesn't seem to be bothering you too much,
    and I like the advice Marcus gives... let it go. It looks like it's time to move on. Give yourself peace by not
    confronting her. A new and better and lasting love for you is just around the corner.
  4. Forest

    Forest Beloved Grand Eagle

    My take is it depends on how well she hides it and how much it affects your emotions. Be mindful of your emotions. Does it tear you up or can you live with it? If it bugs you, is there anything you can do to make it easier without asking of her? Is she being respectful in how she conducts herself?

    It sounds like it doesn't bother you too much, which is good. I was in a similar situation one time and it was pretty hard.
  5. Cap'n Spanky

    Cap'n Spanky Well known member

    I don't think I really understand what the question is. Do you want her out of your life or don't you? Maybe you're not sure.

    Regardless, from the sounds of it, it seems like a very unhealthy situation and my opinion would be to do whatever expedites the termination of the relationship. You need to move on with your life, take care of yourself and make loving and positive choices.

    It will probably be very painful. But as bad as the pain might be, it will only be temporary and with the right choices, life is bound to get much better.
  6. Boston Redsox

    Boston Redsox Well Known Member

    Walt u are right I really don't need to confront her, I actually would like to help her along with it, what's holding things up is the fact I told her that alimony was off the table and she needs to get a job I told I don't care about giving her half but I will not support her.
  7. Camila

    Camila New Member

    I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. I haven't been there myself, but I worked for many years as a mediator of divorcing couples. It is one of the hardest thing people go through. Still living in the same house makes it extra painful and hard. I know many couples need to do that for financial reasons, but the sooner you can disentangle your lives -physically and financially - the better. If you can find a good mediator to help you, it can really help keep things on track and help you part ways in a dignified and civilized fashion. To your question, my response would be to let go (isn't that the heart of our TMS work?). Just take a deep breath and let go. Let her move on with her life, start moving on with yours and try to settle your affairs in the most efficient, pain free way you can. Best wishes. I assure you there is light at the end of this tunnel and you will find it.
    Renate and Forest like this.
  8. Boston Redsox

    Boston Redsox Well Known Member


    Thx for your kind words, they are much appreciated the problem started when the mediator mentioned alimony and the whole thing got blown out of proportion. I told her in will help here but not suppprt her. Was this wrong I don't think so she is a smart healthy women
  9. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    Marco, I think you did the right thing. Your wife will be healthier and happier if she gets a job and learns to
    be more self-sufficient. Maybe she could start with a part-time job, or even just volunteering. Then that could
    help her gain confidence so she find a fulltime job.
  10. Boston Redsox

    Boston Redsox Well Known Member

    Walt that is great advice I will relay that thx u
  11. Camila

    Camila New Member

    I can remember many mediation sessions when the topic of alimony would really make things difficult, thorny and emotionally charged. I agree with Walt that the goal here is helping your wife become financially self sufficient. A potential challenge for you will be if under the laws of your state it would be typical for a court to award alimony for marriages of your length and income disparity (this can vary greatly state to state). If the answer is yes, your wife may not back down, and this may be a bitter pill you need to swallow. Hopefully your mediator can help you come up with some creative solutions to meet both of your financial needs. Good luck and hang in there. Be sure to take care of yourself as this is a very stressful life event to experience.

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