Diana-M
Beloved Grand Eagle
That doesn’t sound good, @Cactusflower —sorry you have to deal with that.
As for my grown kids- they are all 3 extremely self sufficient and even successful. I deliberately raised them to be independent, especially because my parents were so controlling and judgmental. Probably it backfired a little for me, because they aren’t too attached at all—but they are also boys. I think that’s common.
My difficulty comes in being weak and aging in front of them and now with these pretty drastic TMS symptoms, I can’t stand them seeing me like this. Maybe it’s my perfectionism problem. It probably is! Ok, it is. And— I hate needing help from anyone.
It’s also me recalling how I felt when my mom had some of these exact same symptoms with MS when I was growing up. I don’t want them to feel what I felt. But this is an entirely different scenario.
So yes, I have a lot of issues and yes, I’ve been through tons and tons and tons of therapy over it. I like what @JanAtheCPA said about just plain asking them what they feel about things. Haven’t done that yet! My kids and I tend to leave a lot of things unspoken. They fellow my lead. I haven’t wanted to talk about my situation, but lately I’ve been talking more about my TMS. At first, I just wished it would go away before we had to talk about it! But now, it’s there and it’s probably the test that I need to pass. I can feel myself slowly having to learn to be who I am; be unafraid of who I am; speak up about who I am; speak up about what I want; and not be ashamed. I would say these are good TMS issues and yes, TMS is a healer if you really think about it. It really changes you from the inside and then when you’re finally changed —you’re fixed on the outside.
(I hope! Not there yet.)
As for my grown kids- they are all 3 extremely self sufficient and even successful. I deliberately raised them to be independent, especially because my parents were so controlling and judgmental. Probably it backfired a little for me, because they aren’t too attached at all—but they are also boys. I think that’s common.
My difficulty comes in being weak and aging in front of them and now with these pretty drastic TMS symptoms, I can’t stand them seeing me like this. Maybe it’s my perfectionism problem. It probably is! Ok, it is. And— I hate needing help from anyone.
It’s also me recalling how I felt when my mom had some of these exact same symptoms with MS when I was growing up. I don’t want them to feel what I felt. But this is an entirely different scenario.
So yes, I have a lot of issues and yes, I’ve been through tons and tons and tons of therapy over it. I like what @JanAtheCPA said about just plain asking them what they feel about things. Haven’t done that yet! My kids and I tend to leave a lot of things unspoken. They fellow my lead. I haven’t wanted to talk about my situation, but lately I’ve been talking more about my TMS. At first, I just wished it would go away before we had to talk about it! But now, it’s there and it’s probably the test that I need to pass. I can feel myself slowly having to learn to be who I am; be unafraid of who I am; speak up about who I am; speak up about what I want; and not be ashamed. I would say these are good TMS issues and yes, TMS is a healer if you really think about it. It really changes you from the inside and then when you’re finally changed —you’re fixed on the outside.
(I hope! Not there yet.)
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