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my tricky mind...

Discussion in 'Structured Educational Program' started by painfreeB, Dec 16, 2014.

  1. painfreeB

    painfreeB Peer Supporter

    so I am on day 10 & doing well. I've been resistant to post my story & progress to this community- not sure why. maybe cuz part of me thinks that it will not work on 40+ years of chronic pain following a broken neck as a youngster- but then I've already proven that wrong as my pain levels have dropped from 8's to 2's in a week & as I journey deeper into the psyche (lots there) I mostly have what I'd call unpleasant sensations (even tho they never leave).

    but- I'm also HARD on myself & that's not good enuff (see the trigger?) I want it all gone & out of my mindbody NOW. I've had enough of living w/ this crap & all the mayhem it's caused & I deserve to live the rest of my life w/ some peace of mindbody. it has sucked the soul right out of me, left me alone & broke & on the verge of hopelessness. so I get frustrated in dealing w/ it continually & feel like it will never end. after 3 weeks of learning this however, I've had a few difficult days but feel I'm greatly improved, but I still don't completely buy that it's the cause of all of my pain. I still have restricted ROM in my neck & upper back, shoulders, etc. when I do move it cracks & crunches & bloviates (to scare me?) like nothing else... I have been physical to some degree w/ minimal pain but- I have major FEAR even thinking of returning to my beloved lap swimming someday & cannot see myself doing it anytime in the near future.

    writing this I realize I've tapped into some anger which has been more difficult for me than sadness & fear. I recently wrote an online therapist re: a major break thro w/ some repressed anger -as I'm not sure what to do w/ it. that was 4 or 5 days ago. does it usually take that long to reply? if not- I would appreciate an answer?
  2. Irene

    Irene Peer Supporter

    painfreeB, I'm so glad you posted!!!

    As for the online therapist not replying yet, I'm not sure how that works. If you don't hear anything soon, it's reasonable to ask what you should expect, either in the same forum, or in a private message.

    Peace be with you.
  3. Walt Oleksy

    Walt Oleksy Beloved Grand Eagle


    It doesn't help to keep focusing on when you will be totally pain-free.
    Maybe focus instead on how far you've come toward that goal.

    You need to keep positive that one day soon you will be lap swimming again.

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