Eight days into this. It's been difficult. Dredging up old emotions is incredibly hard. I've been noticeably moody. My mother and I had a difficult weekend: getting into an argument, me being unable to defend myself, and then her repeatedly reopening the wound over the next few days. Still unable to defend myself. I just lose my shit when I'm confronted about anything. I lose my ability to think and speak. I hate it. I've started working with a therapist as well. Honestly, the task of repairing my emotions and mind seems a huge one; insurmountable in its magnitude. I am concerned. I cannot speak to anyone about anything. I am so private and secretive. These traits have only gotten worse as I've gotten older. Unfortunately, my affliction dictates reaching out to other people to heal. You couldn't drag me into an Alanon meeting kicking and screaming. How am I supposed to heal? Pain-wise, I haven't noticed a huge difference. I have been making an effort to confront my worst activities head-on, but it is still nearly as painful as it's ever been. Typing is my worst activity and I've decided to confront that by journaling in my word processor. I also make a point of sitting in a relatively un-ergonomic position and not using any of my ergonomic equipment. This feels very counterintuitive. But I do have to say that with all the typing I've been doing, my pain has been relatively manageable. Yesterday was really bad. Today's okay. It's not consistent, but I'm not in agony. I played guitar for about ten minutes. That was all i could handle. I just want my life back. I want to be able to do what I used to do. I am sick of being a 25 year-old in a 60 year-old body.