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My TMS therapist said I'm "Recovered". Now I am having a big symptom flare.

Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by Celayne, Jan 16, 2022.

  1. Celayne

    Celayne Well known member

    I've been seeing her for three years. I think I have been close to feeling 100% healed for a least a year, but I liked the security blanket of knowing I always had another appointment coming up "just in case". In fact, most of the times in the past year when appointment day came, I would wish I hadn't booked it but I didn't want to be a last minute cancellation. I would have to pay anyway, and I didn't want to burn bridges.

    Now she is going on maternity leave. I've known about it for a couple of months and was actually glad for the upcoming break. Earlier, we talked about referring me to a different therapist but I didn't want to do that. I was ready to go it alone, and she agreed. It sounded like we would just have a longish break but it wasn't The End. This week, though, it sounded very final and "this is goodbye, good luck to you".

    It all seemed so great, so freeing. Cured! I was so happy after our final appointment! I was ready to move on. Now with this unpleasant and anxiety-provoking flare up of my symptoms, I am not so sure. Is it fear of the unknown? My brain feeling rejected, abandoned? The anxiety of a major change?

    I've done all this before and come through it just great. Mentally and emotionally, I've felt 100% healed; physically 95% but I thought the physical would follow the rest eventually. Today, I've felt back at Square One, although that isn't possible. I have learned too much in the pst several years.

    Just writing this has calmed me down, let me explore the feelings I wasn't acknowledging.

    If anyone else has had a similar experience after ending therapy, I'd like to hear about it.

  2. Balsa11

    Balsa11 Well known member

    It's ok to miss her and to feel a little uncomfortable with change. Almost any momebt when your attention is not occupied with something else is an opportunity for TMS so it's frustrating but you're not actually back at Square One. Do you have any fun plans for the MLK day weekend?
  3. Cactusflower

    Cactusflower Beloved Grand Eagle

    I feel you. I pretty much freaked when my TMS therapist went on leave, but I still needed someone and found a fantastic new coach, but that too is winding down now.
    A dear friend reminded me that winding down is good, that one should not focus on the personal identification of having TMS because its the same pitfall as thinking of oneself as “sick” or helpless.
    I look at this as my learning to be more independent and to move forward. I decided to take a Presence Process workshop as another way to support my journey and independence. What can you do to support yourself? My TMS coach joined poetry groups online because that’s her thing.
    What do you enjoy that connects you with others, and that supports self kindness and fosters self-confidence? What skills did you learn and utilize earlier in your journey? If they worked then, go back to them and create that similar safe space for yourself or start one of the programs here again. You can do this!
  4. miffybunny

    miffybunny Beloved Grand Eagle

    There's no cure for being human and it's actually terminal lol. When you no longer fear symptoms, you are "healed" so to speak. All sorts of things can pop up in the body throughout the course of our lives. It all depends on how we respond. "Embrace it to erase it". The truth is you don't need the therapist and I'm sure she will stay in touch anyway. All the power is within you...just like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz.
    mbo likes this.

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