ermelin
New Member
Hi all,
I wasn’t not sure if I should post my TMS story as I still struggle with pain and my repressed emotions. But I decided maybe someone will benefit from reading it, and at the same time it will help me to see how far I have come.
I started experience chronic back pain weeks after I had my first daughter, 6 years ago (2008). She was born by an unplanned C-section and was kept in the NICU for 10 days, although she was a full term and healthy baby. When I went for my 6 week post-partum appointment I mentioned to the doctor that I was experience lower back pain, and I will wake up in the middle of the night in pain. He told me that it was due to my pregnancy and carrying a newborn. My daughter was 8 lbs 10 oz at birth. At the same time I had my own hypothesis; I had a C-section and they used a spinal block, so I assumed they have messed up my spine. I always hear people saying how the epidural will cause them back pain. And this pain was so intense that it couldn’t be the side effect of holding a newborn. A lot other people have kids they don’t experience this pain. What was happening to me? (In the meantime, my marriage was hanging by a thread, my husband and I were having a hard time adopting to our new lives as a parent and redefining our relationship as a couple. Although I was never diagnosed, I think I suffered with post-partum depression)
The lower back pain will just show up in the middle of the night. I won’t be able to get up, and I started missing days from work. The pain may last for days or even weeks. In 2011, I started going to the gym, and taking yoga classes. On day I remember stretching a little too far and it felt like I might had pull a muscle. I was in a lot of pain. I tried acupuncture and it didn’t work. My doctor send me to get an X-ray of my spine. It came out with mild scoliosis and other abnormal curves on my spine. I started physical therapy. It will just give me temporary release, but the pain won’t go away. My therapist will tell me how to sit, and what stretches to do. Nothing work in the long term.
In 2012 I got pregnant again. I started seeing a chiropractor to help me manage the pain. During my pregnancy we bought a co-op. I remember being concerned that the move will cause me pain. But strangely I was not in pain. Although I was on my feet a lot and I was doing a lot of stuff for the move. We bought a new bed and our first night at the new place I had the best night sleep I ever had in a while. I was pain free for a few weeks. It was a miracle. Later, the pain came back. At this point, I will have sciatic pain. Sometime it will be on the left leg and other time on the right leg. I was ready for a wheel chair. My biggest fear was that my legs will give up on me and I won’t be able to walk again. They felt so weak. In the fall of 2012, I had a week off from work due to Sandy Hurricane in the East coast. Before that week, I thought I was not going to be able to work until my due date. I was in so much pain. But that week, I spent it at home, stress free with my husband and daughter, once again my pain was completely gone. I returned to work and I worked until I went on labor. My second baby was born naturally without any pain medication and I was walking fine just right after she was born and weeks to follow. I was happy. During my 12 week of maternity leave I was pain free! It was a miracle. But as soon I went back to work, the pain came back.
In the summer of 2013, I went in for a MRI. I just thought, there have to be some major going on my spine. I was getting ready for the worst. This much pain needed an explanation. The results for my MRI came back normal. Nothing was wrong. When I talked to the doctors, they were like let’s do another test. At the same time a close friend had told me about Dr. Sarno’s book. When I told him that my MRI was normal and I was still in chronic pain, and bought kindle version of the book for me. I got it when my husband and I were at a restaurant. I remember opening the kindle app on my phone and starting to read the book at the restaurant table. I was amazed at how Dr. Sarno’s patients had the same chronic pain I was experiencing. I was not alone, and there is a cure. I started feeling better, I had the knowledge. The pain seemed to slowly go away. But we will come back whenever I was upset or I had an disagreement with someone. I was able to predict that the next day I will be in pain. It will start with my mood and the pain will just follow. I found a TMS doctor who used to be Dr. Sarno’s student. Although I knew I had TMS, I needed to a formal diagnosis and the right treatment. He confirmed that I have TMS. And I started the lessons treatment. I started making progress! And then, my mother got laid off from her job (long story sure, she got her job back after a week). By the time she got her job back, I was in pain again, this time in my neck/shoulder/back of the head. I’m her only child and the stress of her not having a job was killing me. I felt responsible to help her financially if she needed it. Since then, I still struggling with pain. The back pain is gone, but TMS found a way to come through my neck. I finished my lesson treatment, and the doctor told me it was a good sign that pain had moved to my neck. I started journaling, and every day I work on my emotions to see how I can get rid of TMS for good. Although, my chronic back pain start 6 years ago, I think I have always suffered of TMS. As child, I used to have migraines. As a teenager and early 20s, I had stomachache and heartburn every time I ate. I even thought I had an ulcer, but all test came back clear. Despite all my aches and pain, nothing is physically wrong with me!
As you can read, TMS has been a longtime enemy, but today more than ever I know I’m going to win this war. I look forward to a life free of pain. I know it is out there. I’ll just have to dig deeper to find out what emotions I’m constantly repressing, make peace with myself, and let go of fear.
Thank you for reading my story! Sorry that is this long.
P.S I'm so happy I found this forum. I have been reading a lot of the posts in the last week or so. You guys are doing great work here fighting TMS and educating other about this syndrome that get so little attention by mainstream medicine and the general public. Thank you so much!
I wasn’t not sure if I should post my TMS story as I still struggle with pain and my repressed emotions. But I decided maybe someone will benefit from reading it, and at the same time it will help me to see how far I have come.
I started experience chronic back pain weeks after I had my first daughter, 6 years ago (2008). She was born by an unplanned C-section and was kept in the NICU for 10 days, although she was a full term and healthy baby. When I went for my 6 week post-partum appointment I mentioned to the doctor that I was experience lower back pain, and I will wake up in the middle of the night in pain. He told me that it was due to my pregnancy and carrying a newborn. My daughter was 8 lbs 10 oz at birth. At the same time I had my own hypothesis; I had a C-section and they used a spinal block, so I assumed they have messed up my spine. I always hear people saying how the epidural will cause them back pain. And this pain was so intense that it couldn’t be the side effect of holding a newborn. A lot other people have kids they don’t experience this pain. What was happening to me? (In the meantime, my marriage was hanging by a thread, my husband and I were having a hard time adopting to our new lives as a parent and redefining our relationship as a couple. Although I was never diagnosed, I think I suffered with post-partum depression)
The lower back pain will just show up in the middle of the night. I won’t be able to get up, and I started missing days from work. The pain may last for days or even weeks. In 2011, I started going to the gym, and taking yoga classes. On day I remember stretching a little too far and it felt like I might had pull a muscle. I was in a lot of pain. I tried acupuncture and it didn’t work. My doctor send me to get an X-ray of my spine. It came out with mild scoliosis and other abnormal curves on my spine. I started physical therapy. It will just give me temporary release, but the pain won’t go away. My therapist will tell me how to sit, and what stretches to do. Nothing work in the long term.
In 2012 I got pregnant again. I started seeing a chiropractor to help me manage the pain. During my pregnancy we bought a co-op. I remember being concerned that the move will cause me pain. But strangely I was not in pain. Although I was on my feet a lot and I was doing a lot of stuff for the move. We bought a new bed and our first night at the new place I had the best night sleep I ever had in a while. I was pain free for a few weeks. It was a miracle. Later, the pain came back. At this point, I will have sciatic pain. Sometime it will be on the left leg and other time on the right leg. I was ready for a wheel chair. My biggest fear was that my legs will give up on me and I won’t be able to walk again. They felt so weak. In the fall of 2012, I had a week off from work due to Sandy Hurricane in the East coast. Before that week, I thought I was not going to be able to work until my due date. I was in so much pain. But that week, I spent it at home, stress free with my husband and daughter, once again my pain was completely gone. I returned to work and I worked until I went on labor. My second baby was born naturally without any pain medication and I was walking fine just right after she was born and weeks to follow. I was happy. During my 12 week of maternity leave I was pain free! It was a miracle. But as soon I went back to work, the pain came back.
In the summer of 2013, I went in for a MRI. I just thought, there have to be some major going on my spine. I was getting ready for the worst. This much pain needed an explanation. The results for my MRI came back normal. Nothing was wrong. When I talked to the doctors, they were like let’s do another test. At the same time a close friend had told me about Dr. Sarno’s book. When I told him that my MRI was normal and I was still in chronic pain, and bought kindle version of the book for me. I got it when my husband and I were at a restaurant. I remember opening the kindle app on my phone and starting to read the book at the restaurant table. I was amazed at how Dr. Sarno’s patients had the same chronic pain I was experiencing. I was not alone, and there is a cure. I started feeling better, I had the knowledge. The pain seemed to slowly go away. But we will come back whenever I was upset or I had an disagreement with someone. I was able to predict that the next day I will be in pain. It will start with my mood and the pain will just follow. I found a TMS doctor who used to be Dr. Sarno’s student. Although I knew I had TMS, I needed to a formal diagnosis and the right treatment. He confirmed that I have TMS. And I started the lessons treatment. I started making progress! And then, my mother got laid off from her job (long story sure, she got her job back after a week). By the time she got her job back, I was in pain again, this time in my neck/shoulder/back of the head. I’m her only child and the stress of her not having a job was killing me. I felt responsible to help her financially if she needed it. Since then, I still struggling with pain. The back pain is gone, but TMS found a way to come through my neck. I finished my lesson treatment, and the doctor told me it was a good sign that pain had moved to my neck. I started journaling, and every day I work on my emotions to see how I can get rid of TMS for good. Although, my chronic back pain start 6 years ago, I think I have always suffered of TMS. As child, I used to have migraines. As a teenager and early 20s, I had stomachache and heartburn every time I ate. I even thought I had an ulcer, but all test came back clear. Despite all my aches and pain, nothing is physically wrong with me!
As you can read, TMS has been a longtime enemy, but today more than ever I know I’m going to win this war. I look forward to a life free of pain. I know it is out there. I’ll just have to dig deeper to find out what emotions I’m constantly repressing, make peace with myself, and let go of fear.
Thank you for reading my story! Sorry that is this long.
P.S I'm so happy I found this forum. I have been reading a lot of the posts in the last week or so. You guys are doing great work here fighting TMS and educating other about this syndrome that get so little attention by mainstream medicine and the general public. Thank you so much!
