I went for a long walk around the lake (on campus) today during my lunch time. I tried very hard to be mindful, but my mind keeps racing. I focused on what I was feeling and I felt anxiety and fear. Fear of rape. Fear of unknown area in the woods. Anxiety that I’m going in unknown area. I felt it in my head and chest. I tried breathing and slowed down my pace. Didn’t help. I tried relaxation techniques to my scalp but my scalp felt tight. It relaxed once I came back to known territory (paved path). I also checked my pain several times. There were a few twinges of pain every so often, but the pain kept jumping over different areas. I was also quite anxious about what I’d tell people when I returned. I felt anxious about time. Would people question me why I went out for so long? How long do I have to stay today, now that I went for a long walk? Can I still leave at 4 or do I have to stay until 5? Most of the time I felt going back to what will people think and what should I say when I return. I also noticed something and immediately felt the need to tell my parents about it. Several times. Then I anticipate their answer and check if they would approve what I did. I also felt several times daddy’s words that he would not approve of me going into the woods by myself. Finally, as I approached my building, I told myself “I’m an adult. I’m safe. I’m healthy”. I came in. It was hot and I took off my jacket and cardigan. My bra straps were showing and I felt a strong disapproval (sensing my dad's disapproval) that I shouldn't wear sleeveless clothes looking like this. I felt glad my husband (who never disapproves me of anything ever and who used to work in this office before) wasn’t here to disapprove of me.