My TMS realization and Suggestions

Hello everyone,
Hope everyone is learning to deal with the stress, fear, anger, anxiety or repression of emotions and trying to heal themselves for a better life. I am a newbie and this is my first post ever in a public forum about my condition. If would be great if experienced people provide me some words of wisdom and support. Looking forward to hear some positive words from experienced people. It would be great if people could look at my problems and provide their thoughts on how to overcome these problems.

My Story:
My Introduction:
I am a 29 Years young guy. I was born and raised in India in a middle class family. I came to United States about 5 years ago to do my Masters in Information Systems. After Masters, I started working for a reputed technology firm here. I have been working in the IT Industry for about 3 years now. Being a Computer Science graduate, I have been taught to look and deal with everything in a logical way. My life was going very well(It hurts me use the word 'was' - I want to believe and say that 'it is' Still)...
Active life and Injuries:
I have been very active last 2 years, doing crossfit, hiking and running. In March 2014, I overdid squats on one particular day at crossfit(Not a gradual increase - I was used to doing 30 Squats with a 75 Pound bar. I did 50 Squats with a 90 Pound bar) and started feeling some pain in my knee a day after. I started ignoring the pain. I never had any problem walking or running. I just had some concerns squatting. I gave it 2 - 3 months rest thinking it will get better. Meanwhile, I started doing more of upper body exercises. But, one fine day, i did more pull ups(Not a gradual increase again) and sprained my biceps. Again, gave it 2 - 3 months rest. So, By August 2014. I was living with Knee and Biceps Pain. Nothing of major concern. But, i was disappointed that i cannot give my 100% during my work outs and had to modify some of my workouts. So, consulted a Orthopaedician and he informed he that it is ligament sprain and will take time to heal. Based on my research online, i started doing Bikram Yoga in August 2015. I had stopped running and crossfit by this time.

Back Pain:
Some time in the last week of September 2014, one fine day i was lying on my side on the bed. I experienced some misalignment in my back. It wasn't pain. It was just discomfort in my back. I thought i had done something to my back doing Yoga(Remember i was doing yoga for 2 months and this was the first time i was doing Yoga in my life. Also, I have a tendency of giving 100% during exercises because of my crossfit background. This probably might not apply to Yoga. Yoga needs to be taken slowly and steadily since our body is not very flexible if you haven't done it before). I went back to Yoga and as per instructor's advice, started going easy on my poses. I did it for about a week without any improvement in the discomfort(Not pain so far). After about a month when i didn't see any improvement in the pain i decided to visit a Spine Surgeon. He looked at my X-Ray and thought it MIGHT BE Lumbar Disc Degeneration and presrcibed Physical Therapy. I bought into this diagnosis and like every other individual started doing my research online. Let me tell you, some of the stories online for any spine problems are terrifying. I was terrified to say the least. I thought i have to live with this pain for the rest of my life. But, I didn't lose hope, I started doing all kinds of stretches and made it a goal to strengthen my back through Physcial Therapay and my plan was to continue strenthening my back. But, like always, I THINK i overdid stretching on the last day of my Physical Therapy Class in December 2014 and I THINK i sprained my groin. Went back to PCP and she told me that it is a muscle sprain based on my symptoms(Without X-Ray or Ultra Sound). I stopped doing all the stretches and continued doing my research online. Meanwhile(In the last week of Jan 2015), I visited a renowned Spine Surgeon who ordered an MRI for my back. He looked at my MRI and told me that my MRI looks perfect. No Disc Degeneration or bone problems or whatever. He asked me to give it some rest. I was ecstatic(However my back pain was always there). But, by this time, I had completely believed that there is some problem with my back. Sitting which was a concern in October 2014 had become a terrifying nightmare by Feb 2015. I had spent 90% of my time sleeping. Working from home from my bed. Fortunately, my manager understood my condition.

TMS:
Somewhere around this time, i came across Dr. John Sarno. I read 'Healing Back Pain' in the first week of Feb 2015 and realized i have TMS. I could relate to a lot of stories. Then i started digging back and looking at all the emotional problems i had. Meanwhile, I visited a MD who practices in TMS and he confirmed me that my back pain is TMS(I believe and agree) and he also says my groin pain is TMS(I somehow am not confident about this though)
I am listing few stories which might have had an impact.
- I had broken up with my 3 year long girl friend in March 2014. It was a tough break up. She broke up with me. Reasons: She thought i wasn't well read, didn't have a better job than her or wasn't from a family which met her standards. She wasn't proud of me. I tried to make it work. But, she was adamant She broke up. I thought i was handing it well. In September 2014(During long weekend), I received an e-mail from her and got to know she was dating someone else. I was devastated(All it took was 6 months to find a new one) . But, I i didn't show any of those emotions to her or others. I didn't want people to judge her. I told her, I will never respect her decisions but i will always respect her as a person. Her reasons for breakup had a major impact on me and i still sometimes believe i am not good enough. I try to improve my social, communication skills and try hard to grow up the corporate ladder just to prove myself that i am not what she thinks. Did i put lot of stress of me here?

- I changed my job and now work for a major technology firm. I did this to prove that i can get into a well reputed firm if i try . I have been working here from a while. I love the people. But, honestly i am not a great fan of my role here. I don't really enjoy working in this role. I am still here just because of the brand name and also worried if i will get a job somewhere else or not. Did i put a lot of stress on me here?
- I have some concerns in my family. My brother doesn't have a job. My sisters have some problems with their personal lives. These things which were never a concern for me. They started affecting me after i got to know i have TMS. I thought i started putting more stress on me here.
- I see my friends getting married and settling down and keep thinking if i will ever be able to overcome TMS and find a girl and settle down. So, i put a lot of stress on me to heal as soon as possible. So, I don't appreciate minor improvements i have made after reading the book. How do i stop this.
- I also have a very bad quality of comparing myself with friends and peers and i always want to be better than them. I am sometimes jealous if my friends do well. So, i always try to be better than them. This i guess is affecting me. How do i stop competing with others?
- I also worry if i will be a good husband or not once i marry(with this TMS). Basically, I am thinking a lot about my future and stressing about it. So, How do i stop worrying about future and live in the present?

- Also, I am also a lot worried about losing weight and staying fit. I put a lot of pressure on myself to do this. How can i not put pressure on myself here?
Some of these problems which might not have been a major concern before. But they look big now. How do i deal with these emotions and problems. Where does TMS fit in all these emotions and problems. Can someone please help me.

 

I to was just like you. Your write up reminded me of myself. all my problems with tms really hit me at 29 as well. I was a Jim freak and always stayed in shape. You have come to the right place.

that's great you saw a tms doc and sounds to me like all your symptoms are tms. Just keep reading and soaking in knowledge. Read healing back pain then great pain deception. Also try the SEP program on this site, it's free.

Try to be easy on yourself, take your time and treat yourself with love. Look at why you have to perfect and look good all the time. Become whole and find your purpose in life. Your body is telling you something. Stop focusing on your body and get in your head like you never been before. Nothing is wrong with you physically, you have anger built up inside.

You will heal just give yourself time and don't put any timeframe on this thing. Goodluck, keeps us updated and let's us know any questions you have. We are what we believe.

Ryan

 

Thanks a lot Ryan for your kind words. Some times i feel, Ignorance is bliss. I am in such a negative mindset currently that my mind only picks up negative things from posts/books. Any idea on how i can change this? How can i pick up positive things?

I feel like i know the problem. But, I am not sure how i can implement the solution. Like, how i can treat myself with love, stop worrying about being best and comparing myself with others. How can i soothe my anger?

My brother on the other day said - You are onto something big. Your mind is trying to tell you that you are on to achieving something big(In life or career) and your mind is preparing you for that by trying to make you strong? Any thoughts on this? Any one heard of something like this before?

Let me know. Thanks again.