Day 10 My TMS knows I'm up to something...

I have no lingering actual / concrete doubts, just the lingering “doubtiness” / skepticism of wanting to know the results of the TMS approach first hand. I'm fully committed psychologically in large part because I have burned all my other bridges (no more chiropractor / surgery / pills / PT / etc). Only SEP and maybe therapy.

I do think I’m seeing results. I have had some pretty good days, and for several nights I have had much less pain when falling asleep at night. I think I am getting better at “paying no mind” to the pain.

Yesterday, I decided to mow the lawn, which is several miles of walking and pushing the lawn mower. Overall, the action of doing it was no big deal. Some pain, but nothing too awful.

The weird thing for the last few days has been how down I’ve felt emotionally. It’s like my unconscious is trying to sabotage my escape from TMS prison. Fortunately, TMS has given me the ability to recognize this as likely another unconscious ploy.

Last night, as I was falling asleep, the pain hit really bad, almost in a new way. I think my unconscious started ringing the bell even more because I mowed the lawn with such normality. I also felt really down falling asleep, laying there with my thoughts. “What if I wake up tomorrow and continue feeling like THIS? What about all my problems at work?” Fortunately, I feel pretty normal this morning.

So I think I may be experiencing some extinction bursts? Trying not to worry about whether they are or not, but that makes sense to me. My unconscious knows I’m on to its ways, so it is throwing more issues at me. What a twerp.

One funny thing about mowing the lawn: I usually like to listen to something when I’m doing that, whether it’s music or a podcast or an audiobook. In fact, I kinda dig mowing the lawn because it’s an opportunity to deeply enjoy something both engaging and distracting. But I couldn’t really find anything that I WANTED to listen to. But I started mowing the lawn anyway, and eventually found something that did the trick.

So all in all, I’m feeling like I am on the right track at Day 10 of the SEP. I feel like the combo of strong falling asleep pain last night and the lingering “case of the Mondays” is a sign that I’m escaping the TMS trap. The normal tricks aren’t working as well, and the scramble is on to keep me locked down.

PS I find it very helpful to review Sarno’s 12 Daily Reminders every morning. And I really liked this quote from today’s reading: “The sorrow which has no vent in tears may make other organs weep.” - Henry Maudsley

 

@WesternShores
You’re doing great! Sounds like some great progress! In just 10 short days you’re getting results. That’s fantastic. Your TMS-free days are surely ahead of you. You also have a great attitude, not paying attention to the pain.

 

Similar to what you've said @WesternShores but I think too it's an appreciation that the primitive part of our brain likes consistency and predictability - even if it is pain! If you've been in chronic pain for a while, returning to normal and full life can in a way be scary (it's hard for people to grasp that as it's obviously a positive thing). Give yourself grace and self-compassion as you come out of this also

 

Thank you both for the encouragement!