Day 1 My TMS Journey & Healing

[crestpoint]

About three years ago in my mid 30’s I started experiencing low back pain after a lifetime of playing sports and going to the gym. I remember the pain starting after my knee surgery and I was immobile for a period of time. I was always active going to the gym 5-6 days a week. Looking back, I used the gym and running as a way to cope with the stress. I’ve been working in corporate America since graduating college and put an extreme amount of pressure on myself.

I went to the doctor and they recommended to go to PT. That worked a little bit but didn’t solve my pain issue so I went to the chiropractor. It made me feel better but started getting new pains in my neck and mid-back. I then went back to PT for all three areas low back, mid back, and neck. Felt really good and the pain disappeared 90% and was completely pain free for a while. I decided I wanted to get an MRI just to get a baseline and check if I had any herniations. Turns out I have a couple low back herniations, a couple neck herniations, and one in my mid back. At the time of the MRI my mid back felt good. But a few days after the diagnosis I started feeling some pain in that area. Turns out that my low back herniations have been around for awhile. However, my neck and mid back herniations are relatively new. I’m not sure how it happened but if I had to guess it was my chiropractor and/or PT and/or car accident that I had. I’m trying not to dwell on how I got these herniations as I don’t feel that is productive. I am where I am and can only control how I move forward.

I’ve read Dr. Sarno’s Healing Back Pain (finished 2 weeks ago) and completed Week Zero in the SEP program. I’m not sold that 100% of my pain is TMS but I believe a large portion is. The reasons why I believe I have TMS is I fit the profile from a personality perspective. The clips I listened to about having a drill instructor in my head and lacking self compassion resonated with me. I feel like my body is just worn out from the stress and emotions that I’m suppressing all day. I always believed that the underlying anger is what fueled me to be successful. The pain that I’m experiencing is on the milder slide compared to some stories I read here. It is very transitory and travels between different parts of my mid back, neck, and other times I feel it in my lower back. I also feel random nerve pain such as pins and needles in my foot. The pain tends to go away rather quickly but travels to another area. The pain is hardly ever in two spots at once. I also went for a period of time after I did PT which I was pain free for a couple weeks. A large portion of that pain-free time was on vacation where I had less stress. I believe I have TMS as I don’t understand how my pain is traveling so much. Also, my mid back pain got worse after I learned I had a herniation there which doesn’t make sense if it’s structural. I was in no pain at the time of the diagnosis. I’m a worrier and I tend to overthink and I’m here to see how my journey goes. I appreciate the support and am open to advice.

 

[YellowButton33]

Hello crestpoin, I can relate on many levels.

I am very empathetic towards others and will bend over backward to help, but for myself, no mercy. I had a total right hip replacement and now my left hip hurts. Like you, some of the pain IS structural, but a lot of it likely is due to stress and other situations. I coined my pain as 'traveling pains'. Doctors looked at me crazy when I tried to explain and after much testing, they offered Xanax to me. What?? Yep. Xanax.

I refused Xanax and knew it had to be something else. TMS seems to answer so many of my questions and I am excited to start the journey. Today is my day 1. Wishing you all the best!

 

[Diana-M]

The reasons why I believe I have TMS is I fit the profile from a personality perspective. The clips I listened to about having a drill instructor in my head and lacking self compassion resonated with me. I feel like my body is just worn out from the stress

I’m a worrier and I tend to overthink

Hi @crestpoint ! Welcome!
You seem to be almost aware that you have TMS. That’s half the battle! Your belief will grow as you go along. Pick a path and start. That’s great you’ve read Healing Back Pain. Maybe read it again. It will sink in. From the quotes above, You seem like you might greatly benefit from the Pain Recovery Program here in the wiki. Don’t give up. Keep learning and applying. Read the Success Stories. And post about your journey to get support and advice. This is a great place to be!

 

[JanAtheCPA]

From the quotes above, You seem like you might greatly benefit from the Pain Recovery Program

LOL, or the Structured Educational Program, as @crestpoint already said he was doing (he's completed the "Week 0" introduction).

And @YellowButton33 is on Day 1 of either the SEP or the PRP - it's hard to tell which, since they both unfortunately use "Days" for their structure - oops

I'm a big fan of the Structured Educational Program myself - it's the one which emphasizes the healing power of emotional journaling - which is what made my recovery possible back in 2011, and which still works today to deal with setbacks - thirteen years later, officially eight years into being a senior, and more stressed by the outside world than I ever imagined could be possible fifty years ago.

 

[crestpoint]

@JanAtheCPA @Diana-M @YellowButton33 - Thank you for the replies!

I wanted to provide a brief update on where I am in my journey. I got up to day 10 in the SEP Program as I've been doing the activities an average of every other day. However, in the past two weeks or so I actually stopped the program because I felt so much better. Essentially, my nerve pain went away as well as a vast majority of my back pain that I was having. That being said, I experienced one day where I was short of breath. I looked up if shortness of breath could be TMS and came across @JanAtheCPA post about breathing exercises. Tried the breathing exercises and I instantly felt like I was breathing better. Then the next day or two I had dizzy spells. I noticed it when I was working out at the gym after I would finish and exercise and would randomly experience it throughout the day. However, I believe the dizziness / shortness of breath could have been due to dehydration as I was switching diets. I hydrated really well and dizziness went away completely and shortness of breath got a lot better. I'm honestly not sure what the cause of these symptoms were as I was making multiple adjustments to remedy the situation at the same time. I still feel like I'm experiencing very mild shortness of breath at times during exercise and I'm unsure of the cause (TMS, thoracic herniation affecting the chest, or just not being in the same shape as I used to run a lot). Obviously, my logical/hypochondriac brain thinks worst case scenario and goes right to the herniation. This doesn't seem correct though because I had my herniation for a while now (6-8 months) and never noticed shortness of breath before. However, my shortness of breath is so very slight (almost non-existent) and has gotten a lot better since I first noticed the symptoms. I have been paying attention to how I breath during exercise and it has helped. However, I never had to do that in the past. It's quite possible I'm just "in my head" overthinking it.

This week was stressful work wise and started feeling some upper/mid back, neck, and chest pain at times. There seems to be a direct correlation between my pain and the amount of stress I feel. I just care less about the pain now. I may start journaling again and picking up the SEP program but overall I feel good. I would say that my muscle pain is 90% better and my nerve pain is 100% better. I just have to keep an eye on my shortness of breath. If it doesn't improve I may have to get it checked out to rule out anything structural just to be safe.

 

[Diana-M]

Hi crestpoint,

Shortness of breath is a common symptom of anxiety. There is a lot written about how to heal this. Anxiety is a huge part of TMS. It seems for some people, once you get rid of pain, anxiety will flare up and vice versa. The best book on anxiety that I know is Hope and Help for Your Nerves by Claire Weekes. It’s a great book!

TMS healing guru, Dan Buglio, has a website and a free daily YouTube video on how to teach your brain you are safe—How to calm anxiety. His website is PainFreeYou.com

You also might want to consider finishing the SEP. Your brain uses anxiety and pain to distract you from uncovering all your feelings. Maybe there’s more to discover.