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My TMS is talking to me :)

Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by lexylucy, Jan 19, 2015.

  1. lexylucy

    lexylucy Well known member

    Sometimes I feel like the TMS "needs" something to do. Like instead of holding on to my pelvis or giving me a pang in my hip. "What am I supposed to do instead?" It says. So I am trying to think of some fun activities for it. Like send me some love or warmth :) that would be nice. "OK it says, I'll give it a try." I can handle my emotions I say. "But you'll be crying all day!" No no...just for a few minutes here and there. I'll be ok :) "Are you sure? We'll I'll be right here if you need me...any time...." :)

    What does your TMS say??
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  2. Ellen

    Ellen Beloved Grand Eagle

    "Nothing matters but this pain."
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  3. Peggy

    Peggy Well known member

    I can't say I am that nice to TMS. I hope I am the boss of it, although I am sure I don't succeed all the time. I wouldn't personalize the TMS, it might go away quicker if you were less attached.
  4. lexylucy

    lexylucy Well known member

    Oh my parts don't listen to me unless I'm nice to them. :)
  5. lexylucy

    lexylucy Well known member

  6. Andy Bayliss

    Andy Bayliss TMS Coach & Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi Lexy,
    You may have entered into some basic philosophical questions here with regards to "how to talk to TMS." Some people use a strategy to ignore it, and tell it to go away and "take command of their ship." This seems to be Dr. Sarno's message, I believe. Others are more gentle, inquiring into it. To me both approaches are effective, depending on one's personality and in-the-moment state.

    For me, when you ask that question, I think "wow, Andy you are sad down deep" ---like a message from my TMS to me. That opens my heart about the pain I feel down deep: about losing my brothers, my father, and fear about losing my mother. I feel tender toward myself, and I feel closer to myself, with this inquiry right now. Thank you.
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  7. lexylucy

    lexylucy Well known member

    Thanks Andy :) !!!
  8. Andy Bayliss

    Andy Bayliss TMS Coach & Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi Lexy,
    Thinking about this more, maybe there are different levels of "listening to TMS." Maybe one level of listening is inquiring into what it is trying to teach you, or what emotions it is masking. That sounds like your inquiry/conversation with TMS. And mine last night.

    On another level we can see TMS as simply a layer of pain and distraction, and at that level the main practice is to dismiss or refute the fear and pain...actually ignore it.

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  9. lexylucy

    lexylucy Well known member

    Thanks again Andy. Yes for me it is a combination. Of course I can't say what works for anyone else as we are all different...

    I came upon the idea of TMS through my IFS therapy. I began to realize that my pain had a voice and that there was a part of me (separate from the pain itself) that was hurting me on purpose. I began to have visions of this part yanking on my muscles to distract me. And so I thought I would get to know it a little more - see why it was behaving this way...Offer up some other options, etc. I am not attached to this part-although if I was that would be fine as parts of our psyche never go away but can transform- but I am finding that as I reassure it that I CAN handle my feelings. It feels less inclined to mess with me. I had read Healing Back Pain by John Sarno 3 years earlier and it had no affect on me. But when I heard the voice of the pain and I was able to make contact with it I realized that the mindbody connection was there. And so I went back and began reading Sarno's later books and found this forum.

    IFS encourages you to listen to the part of you that is creating pain. But from what I understand - and I am knew at this - is that Sarno's suggestion is that the knowledge that the pain is being caused by a reaction in the brain is the first and most helpful tool. And so- when the pain comes on to say things like "you are not real, there is nothing wrong with me, this pain IS psychological, what am I REALLY upset about and so on...Of course this is still a dialogue.

    I like the idea of dismissing the pain - thanks for that - for me this is different than ignoring it. It is recounting it - saying - you are not real. But that is acknowledging it - allowing for transformation.

    Ignoring the pain really became my middle name all those years when I was suffering as a coping mechanism. My pain was like an annoying noise I tried to tune out so much of the time. I had almost given up hope that I could ever be free of it. So for me I know that doesn't work. It's only when I started diving in to the pain listening to it watching it and talking to it, and exploring my rage and frustration, that I've had relief. But as I said I am open to suggestions as I have only been on this forum for less than a month. I have had 4-5 day amazing lifts merely by watching other peoples success stories, listening to MindBody Prescription and sharing my experiences. But I need more help.

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  10. Tennis Tom

    Tennis Tom Beloved Grand Eagle

    Yes, it's not all in your head--but that's the instigator.
  11. Andy Bayliss

    Andy Bayliss TMS Coach & Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi Lexylucy,
    I think any process that allows what is inside us to become more clear is generally a good thing. We are learning about why we have TMS. I looked up IFS and see this is an exploration of the parts in us, I guess, what they are feeling or what they want to say or relate to other parts...

    I think in this TMS approach, there is a lot of experimentation and each person finds their own way. You might be cautious about allowing that pain to begin to have a large life and name of its own. That might be "attending to it, believing it, re-enforcing it." If you can talk to the mind-body, or the parts below the pain that might be causing the pain, this might be more in line with Sarno's approach. Which is what it sounds like you are doing: inquiring into the real causes, which are not physical. That is my opinion.

    Like this. I think this is very much in line with Dr. Sarno's work.

    One fine point to make
    You might find "ignoring the pain" to be a useful tool again, if you can ignore it mindfully using Dr. Sarno's approach. There is a difference between ignoring in "quiet dread that it will never go away" (which may have been the natural ignoring in your past) and the kind of dismissal or ignoring you develop with the Sarno tools. "Stop the pain. I am willing to feel my feelings." Or just shifting your attention to a part of you that is not in pain.

    Just some thoughts, and with your perception of yourself, I am sure you will find your way through.

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