My TMS is a Relentless Monster

S

Shosh

Peer Supporter
Hi. I've had many TMS symptoms over the years, including OCD, an eating disorder, TMJ, hemicrania continua (a one sided non - stop migraine), burning mouth syndrome and more. Most recently I had hpylori, gastritis and gerd (confirmed by an endoscopy). After dealing with that painful digestive nightmare for more than 2 years, I was relieved to find in my endoscopy last week that everything looks good. But my peace of mind didn't last long. I spoke to my naturopath the next day who told me my blood work showed low thyroid, elevated fasting glucose and a very low white blood count (I usually run in the 3's, this one was 2.9). But what really got my TMS brain scared to death was her statement that having a low wbc could lead to gut infections and increased risk of getting things like hpylori. My brain latched onto that and has been going nuts ever since because my hpylori/gastritis ordeal pretty much gave me ptsd (especially the trauma of weaning off the PPI). She wants me to test for adrenal fatigue with a cortisol saliva test and then take things like low doses of DHEA and pregnenlone to correct the cortisol imbalance, and therefore the thyroid, blood sugar and low wbc issues. I have other symptoms like insomnia, agitation, anxiety, chronic fear, etc. . My TMS therapist (whom I adore) is advising me that adrenal fatigue is TMS, and if I just stop focusing on my health, my anxiety will die down, the cortisol will normalize and my wbc will, as a result, go up. He feels that getting a cortisol test will just send me down another medical rabbit hole of internet research for hours, obsession and worry. I think he's right (he seems to always be right!), but my fear is so great that I feel like I have to do something (ie take the test, take the DHEA and pregnenlone) so I can reverse the adrenal fatigue, raise my wbc and not get hpylori/gastritis again. In the meantime I'm taking colostrum which supposedly boosts the immune system. I know this is crazy obsessive TMS taking hijacking my brain! Help!
 
I agree with your TMS therapist. Your naturopath is only treating symptoms and not the cause. Treat everything as TMS. That's where recovery lies.
 
Thank you Ellen. What you said makes perfect sense.

But playing Devil's Advocate, my TMS brain keeps going back to..."what's the harm in getting a saliva test and taking some supplements?"

Would love your thoughts.
 
The harm is that getting tests and taking supplements strengthens the belief that there is a physical cause for your symptoms. The belief that needs strengthening is that the cause of your symptoms is psychological. That is the path to recovery from TMS.
 
Yes. Now both my therapist and a highly respected TMS doctor have said the same. I'm going full on TMS with this, by not playing into the lies (treatments). Thanks. :)
 
What's a naturopath? Is that a licensed physician who's had ANY real medical training? Sounds like yours is making and, keeping you SICK! I'd dump the naturoquack--all you need is your TMS physician and therapist.
 
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Hi Tom. Yes, I'm feeling the same way about it. When I see the naturopath, I leave with huge fear. When I communicate with my TMS therapist/physician I leave with calmness and hope. :)
 
I'm in the same boat as you Shosh. It's like relentless mind babbling. obsessiveness. ugh. all part of the syndrome. but overwhelming none the less. I wish you luck.
 
Thanks Michele, you too. If I can get a grip on my anxiety/ocd I know this can calm down. One thing is I need to do is to ban all googling/researching on the internet and also checking of doctor's notes (I always take notes). So hard to do when I'm trying to get reassurance. Right when one anxiety area calms down, another always pops up, and they are always health related. It keeps me up at night, which creates more pain the next day. A vicious cycle.
 
I'm right there with ya!! My current TMS symptom is major GERD and IBS. I've been through all of this before and IC and got rid of them both but this time it's relentless!! I guess I have to go to the gastro! So tired of going to doctors to rule out things to make me feel better!
 
Hi Laurie. Yep - I just dealt with gerd and gastritis -- ongoing mental and physical agony for a long time. My endoscopy two weeks ago showed all clear, thank goodness. But I still have abdominal pain (from the biopsy irritation? Just tms noise?). It's reassuring to know there's nothing physically wrong. Now to deal with ignoring the pain AND ignoring my lying tms brain! It's always looking for something else to worry about regarding my body. Sometimes I just want a lobotomy to shut it down! By the way -- my whole experience has led to major food fear. Not sure if you can relate to that. I'm afraid every food will cause gerd, gastritis, sibo, etc. I'm working with a tms therapist to help with that too. TMS and OCD are such a nasty combo to have.
 
Shosh, you are sending your body the messages that it's fragile and if you don't do everything perfectly then you will suffer. Your body is responding to that message. I speak from experience. I still have to stop myself from obsessing about the next thing…and they do come.

However, it's such a relief to know that you are doing this to yourself. And, we are. I had to look very psychologically and ask myself, "Why do I subconsciously prefer illness over health?" You might be surprised by the honest answer.

You can do this. The body is far less fragile than we think. We "find" what we go "in search of." Stop searching for physical reasons.

Also…please forgive me if this is offensive….Even Holistic Healers are a business. It benefits them to keep finding issues and keep you coming back.
 
Wow Marcia THANK YOU! I do feel like if I don't do everything perfectly (ie just the right vitamins, foods, etc) I will suffer. I've been that way forever, and am even in a very restrictive 12 step group for a compulsive overeating disorder that my TMS therapist is encouraging me to leave because it feeds upon my rules and regulations and fears of food and not doing things (ie the steps and food) perfectly. Do you mind sharing what was revealed as to why you prefer illness over health, if it 's not too personal? How did you find your answer (meditation? Journaling?). I have committed to my therapist that I'm done searching for and focusing on the physical (googling, online searches, note checking etc). When the anxiety arises, I will just have to face it and not run to Dr Google, who only scares me more. Now to focus on the mental. Please respond. I relate.
 
Shosh said:
Wow Marcia THANK YOU! I do feel like if I don't do everything perfectly (ie just the right vitamins, foods, etc) I will suffer. I've been that way forever, and am even in a very restrictive 12 step group for a compulsive overeating disorder that my TMS therapist is encouraging me to leave because it feeds upon my rules and regulations and fears of food and not doing things (ie the steps and food) perfectly. Do you mind sharing what was revealed as to why you prefer illness over health, if it 's not too personal? How did you find your answer (meditation? Journaling?). I have committed to my therapist that I'm done searching for and focusing on the physical (googling, online searches, note checking etc). When the anxiety arises, I will just have to face it and not run to Dr Google, who only scares me more. Now to focus on the mental. Please respond. I relate.
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Shosh, One of the things that I found, for myself, about TMS, is that I wanted to constantly compare experiences or symptoms or search out "answers" outside of myself. It was a trap. Your reasons for having TMS are very different from mine, probably.

The first step for me was having the courage to stop trying to figure out how to PROVE that I had TMS because someone else had similar symptoms and recovered. TMS is so tricky that you will always be on the run. You may recover in one area and then have to search out answers all over again when the next symptom comes up. It's a waste of your one precious life.

TMS is universal, but very individual. My answer to the question, "Why do I subconsciously prefer illness over health?" will not help you find your answer. Don't stress about it. Ask yourself, lovingly. The answer may not come for weeks, but…probably when you're not thinking about it, it will appear. It's hard to not grasp for help when you feel like crap. I know. But, I can tell you this. For me, the grasping for someone or something to save me always came up empty in the long run.

Use this forum for comfort and support, but nobody here can give you YOUR reason for having TMS.

Sincerely wishing you the best.
 
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