My TMS brain tried to scare me—but I would have no part of it!

Diana-M

Diana-M

Beloved Grand Eagle
Hello TMS family!

I have a little story for you. This morning, I fell. I didn’t hurt myself, I just landed on my tush. But it rattled me and it makes me think of all sorts of terrible potential problems that could come my way.

More than anything, it makes me ashamed (I know this is wrong and I shouldn’t be, but I am,) The experience strongly tempted me to crawl deeper into a hole.

Luckily, because of my exercise program, I was able to get back up again fairly easily using a chair and my new strong arm and leg muscles. So, there was a victory. But the biggest victory came when I got a grip of my emotions and I said “in your face you stupid lizard!” Instead of going into the fetal position for the day, I blew it off.

I did my exercises and took a shower. (Showers are always kind of hard and scary for me, so that was a big deal to take one right after a fall). I took one on purpose to show my stupid lizard brain who’s boss.

And afterwards, I felt on top of the world because I faced my fear, and I fought back!

I think sometimes my subconscious brain has “let”
me fall more recently, and in the past, to stop me from going forward. I’m scheduled to go to the beach in a week— and it’s going to be challenging and exciting. It’s my favorite thing to do in the world! I know my TMS brain wants me to be too afraid to do it —too afraid to go. It says, “See? You can fall so easily! You better not leave your house!”

Screw you, TMS brain! I’m going to the beach. I’m going to face all my obstacles and overcome them. I’m going to float through my anxiety— if I even have any. I’m going to stare out at the deep blue sea and think about how wonderful life is! Then I’m going to eat all my favorite beach foods. And not once am I going to feel sorry for myself. Because TMS is temporary. And one of these days —I’ll be out of this. I’ll be my old self, walking the beach.
 
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One thing about my TMS personality that I've been very aware of lately is overthinking. Yes, it's helpful to change negative thinking to more positive thinking. But something I've been doing more often lately is to tell myself I've already thought about this enough and I don't need to think about it anymore. I've decided to do it, it's on the calendar, and I'm not going to debate it internally anymore. Just do it. Just go on the trip, just do the exercise routine, just call that person, just go to the store...Don't wait for your intentions, motivation and the stars to all align perfectly first. It's a form of perfectionism, I guess.

As you've stated, it's our primitive brain that is trying to keep us safe from all risk. Sometimes we just have to tell it--enough already.

I guess this is another one of my "Damn it! Just let go of that shit!" posts. :D
 
Ellen said:
Don't wait for your intentions, motivation and the stars to all align perfectly first.
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I wish this were all I’m doing! And I wish it were easy to “just do it.” (I will smile and think of you saying this!) I guess for me it’s a matter of true safety— Because we booked this place before I was physically handicapped and it’s not set up for a handicapped person. So I do wonder if I’ll be able to manage— But that’s where the bravery comes in. You just assume you will figure it out. You just do it. :)
 
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You are doing great. You are onto this mind game that the brain is playing with you. The symptoms revving up is the Symptom Imperative. Its sabotaging your plans to keep you comfortable. Don't let it.

Your brain is feeling unsettled by these changes you are making & hence the need for the protection from the perceived threat or danger.
The protective mechanism is kicking in. It sees you as trying to come out of your comfort zone. The primitive brain perceives you going to the beach as the tiger that is trying to attack you.

Keep focusing on the positives. Keep giving your brain lots of safety signals. Keep thinking about the joy, the food, the exhilaration. Maybe try to incrementally venture out a bit more every day to train the brain to realise that going out is a safe activity.

And like @HealingMe I want 'food' details.

Stay strong! 'You've come a long way Baby' :)

Mala
 
@Mala
Thank you so much!!! I love hearing this from you. ❤️ I will follow your advice and keep telling my brain about the fun things. And yes, I will give you food details! :)
 
Diana-M said:
I wish this were all I’m doing! And I wish it were easy to “just do it.” (I will smile and think of you saying this!) I guess for me it’s a matter of true safety— Because we booked this place before I was physically handicapped and it’s not set up for a handicapped person. So I do wonder if I’ll be able to manage— But that’s where the bravery comes in. You just assume you will figure it out. You just do it. :)
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Diana, a bit of wisdom to send your way. You are not handicapped, you have TMS and that is it! No wondering if you’ll manage, you just will because you’re not handicapped.
 
Diana-M said:
And afterwards, I felt on top of the world because I faced my fear, and I fought back!
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That is awesome ! If I had been over your shoulder I couldn't have told you to do anything better than you did here.
The whole notion of us being delicate needs to be punted over the fence and forgotten about.

Even with 'Real' accidents, falls, hits, our response to them is just like a child's. If you watch them, they usually look up right after a fall...if everybody else panics, they cry...if everyone is calm? They usually toddle off into another adventure.

I smashed my Finger in a Door yesterday. It turned black and blue and Sprayed Blood everywhere. I was really mad at myself because it was just from not paying attention.
But when I got home and cleaned it off? in spite of all of the blood, it was really just one .5" split on my joint, and the black and blue already went away. Cleaned it, glued it back together and played guitar all night.

thank You Dr. Sarno.
 
Diana-M said:
I wish this were all I’m doing! And I wish it were easy to “just do it.” (I will smile and think of you saying this!) I guess for me it’s a matter of true safety— Because we booked this place before I was physically handicapped and it’s not set up for a handicapped person. So I do wonder if I’ll be able to manage— But that’s where the bravery comes in. You just assume you will figure it out. You just do it. :)
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This is the "yes, but..." part of our TMS brains at work. The smarter and more creative a person is, the more "yes, but..." they will generate. It is possible to just say to yourself, "OK, I'm on to you, brain. STOP." It takes practice, awareness, and commitment, but it is possible to thwart the pattern. I can still easily fall prey to it, but I keep working on it. I wouldn't do much of anything if I didn't keep trying. I'm very good at coming up with reasons why I can't do something. I just have to turn off that part of my brain. Not easy, but beneficial. Find good distractions to turn your attention to.

We all want you to go on that trip and report back to us how it went (including the food). Just do it! :)
 
Ellen said:
This is the "yes, but..." part of our TMS brains at work
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Busted!
Ellen said:
I wouldn't do much of anything if I didn't keep trying. I'm very good at coming up with reasons why I can't do something.
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Good lesson for me, coming from someone I consider my mentor.
Ellen said:
We all want you to go on that trip and report back to us how it went (including the food).
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You guys are so cool! ❤️
 
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