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Day 1 My story

Discussion in 'Structured Educational Program' started by hawaii_five0, Apr 24, 2021.

  1. hawaii_five0

    hawaii_five0 Peer Supporter

    Hi all: I have been on here for a few months, started the program, then dropped it, looked at other things, and now want to start fresh again. I'd be curious if any of you can relate to my story or have thoughts on what component of it is TMS.

    I'm a 64 year old male (I used to live in Hawaii, but now don't. I did love it there). I've been very active my whole life, running, cycling, weight lifting, etc. I've had indications of nervous system issues before; I won't go in to all the details but I'm definitely an example of someone who can cause physical problems for themselves with their mind by obsessing about something.

    About 1 1/2 years ago I started having an annoying clicking in my lower back on various motions. It didn't hurt, and it was only on certain motions, but it also wasn't "normal", i.e. I have other joints that click and pop and this was different, with even a feeling of something "moving". I went to an orthopedist, they took an x-ray, and there was no obvious explanation. Since it didn't hurt I basically ignored it. Fast forward 1 year: about 6 months ago the clicking and moving sensation increased on more motions, even just walking, bending. It was more pronounced and more common, but still didn't hurt. I figured it was a muscular imbalance (I have some), and went to a physical therapist. He said basically it sounds like you have an unstable spine, and had me working on core strengthening. In my typical fashion, I started obsessing about it. This was end November-early December. It still didn't hurt. I also started going to a chiropractor, who did some things that did not help. I saw the back doctor again, another set of X-rays. This time I've got a spondylolisthesis, but that didn't necessarily explain it. The day I saw him, Dec 21, I told him it didn't hurt, because he gave me a 0/10 on pain on the report. However at this point I really started to obsess: YouTube videos, doing exercises that are supposed to be good for spondys (bird dogs, etc). I worked at it constantly. Then it started to hurt, both the low back and my left hip (in which I had a hip replacement 14 years ago, but got an xray on that too recently and saw the hip doc and he said it looks fine). I went to a new chiropractor for 2 straight months, which didn't help, and perhaps got worse. I started obsessing more ("why isn't this getting better"). I saw a new back and pain doc, had an MRI. Again no super obvious structural problem. At this point now, since January or so, the left hip also feels unstable, like it is moving too. The discomfort has steadily increased, from then till now, to the point where I am taking daily meds. and just trying to make it thru to the end of the day when I can just sit on the couch and not have to walk or stand.

    So if you have read this far (thanks by the way!), in summary, if one has something which is definitely a physical issue but is painless, then start obsessing about it, and that issue seems to spread to other areas and additionally becomes painful, that would seem like an obvious mind-body interaction making it worse?

    The other tidbit, is that I know more nervous system has been haywire, because I have two "alarm bells" that let me know something is going on: one is ringing in my ears, and one is having to pee all the time. On days when I take a Xanax in the evening and am way calmer, the urge to pee goes from once an hour to once every 3 hours, and the ringing in the ears subsides. So I know that there is nervous system involved here.

    thank you for listening to my story. Best regards to all of you and sending you positive energy for anyone out there who is struggling with any similar issue.


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