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Day 1 My Story

Discussion in 'Structured Educational Program' started by Egmonster, Dec 19, 2020.

  1. Egmonster

    Egmonster Newcomer

    Hello, my name is Ron, a retired captain, logger and teacher , 2020 has been a hell of a year for me. Maybe everyone could say the same.

    January 1 New Year’s Day with blinding back pain right out of the blue!

    I had been cutting a bit of firewood the day before so I figured that I must have overdone it, old age I thought. (I’m 77). But I am fit or thought so.

    The pain was so blinding that I called my neighbour to see if she had any pain killers. I took all three of the morphine she gave me.

    It didn’t seem to do much so I called the ambulance. If you’ve ever ridden in a hard sprung ambulance on lousy country roads you will know it’s hell. The emergency doc spends some time prodding and poking and says spinal stenosis. It’s progressive he says. His manner annoys me.

    I see my own doc a few days later and he says the same. It’s progressive and I just have to get used to it. I think he almost smiled. He has similar.

    I leave his office with a script for Emtec 30, codeine and Tylenol.

    So I go home to watch tv and pop the codeine , get a Teeter and wait for it to go away and it does in about 6 weeks.

    Then in September the pain in the back, arms and legs comes back big time. More codeine and more Teeter with some YouTube inspired stretching. Brad and Doug. Old dudes with back pain.

    This time it didn’t work. Nothing. The pain was getting worse.

    By chance I was listening to Joe Rogan talking about back pain and some doc named Sarno. I then read everything by Sarno, Schubiner and a few others and found out about this site.

    A whole new world has opened up.

    Repression? That was Psychology 100 and 200 I had studied in university a long time ago. Freud, Jung Adler et al were fascinating at the time but all that seemed to have dropped right off the radar. I hadn’t heard the word repression since the sixties.

    I totally accept Sarno’s observations about repressed emotions, especially anger. I think the logger and the school teacher must be at war deep down inside somewhere.

    So, I’m getting humble.

    Age 77, thought that I had myself and life pretty figured out.

    Not now. Maybe I don’t know myself at all.

    Pain is a great motivator.

    Now, can I learn something?

    Man, I’m trying.

    I threw the codeine away and selling the Teeter.

    Journaling every day.

    This is a better way.

    I didn’t want to be junky with pain.

    ARP likes this.
  2. Andy Bayliss

    Andy Bayliss TMS Coach & Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi Ron,

    Welcome to the Forum and Wiki! I guess you've started the SEP. Great!!

    You're arriving here already rockin and rollin, so perhaps not much to say from me, except that I was once a school teacher, and I've worked in the woods many years too (in fisheries and fire in Oregon). I was on crutches and wheel chair for years until I applied what you're doing now. It works.

    Everything you list and understand about yourself is important in your self-diagnosis. Congratulations.

    I suggest you trust the process, allow time and "learning" to take their course, find ways to enjoy life, stay connected, have pleasurable experiences as the learning goes deeper. No pressure. Just ease and confidence. You're strong, I get that. Can you be vulnerable to your deeper feelings? This takes a sort of strength too, but perhaps a more attuned strength, a type courage. Something our personalities may not be used to. Good luck in this work.

    The whole process will teach you about your life, deepen your life and relationships. I hope you might see this as a sort of blessing. Many people do, in time.

    Hope you check back in and let us know your questions/experiences as you go along.

    Ellen likes this.
  3. Baseball65

    Baseball65 Beloved Grand Eagle

    Whether we want to or not... (LOL). I wasn't a teacher, but I had been in different kinds of therapy off and on my whole life due to my ongoing substance abuse issues. Psychology was one of the few subjects in college I got 100's in with little or no study (Until Biological Psych...ouch!) I thought I 'knew myself ' really well.

    In retrospect what I had found was what Sarno called 'the core of the ego' in his chapter on psychology. I was living in reasonable, rational Descarte-land and extraordinarily dismissive of Sarno's principles when they were first brought to me.

    But pain is the great persuader. When I finally cracked "Healing Back Pain" HUMBLY I saw myself on every page.
    I have that EXACT sentence scribbled in the margins of my Copy of the book. For me it was "Painting vs Music vs Family "..... I was a painter but learned from reading the book and examining myself at the deepest level I loathed my job....not the physical task, but where I did it and who I did it for. I felt a strong conflict between working on my music career (I had to turn down a record deal to be a 'good dad') and painting sets for Hollywood.

    Just an FYI. I had that same diagnosis, with a bunch of others and I have been pain free for 20plus years now. I stay involved in this forum and such for the same reason I still do 12 step work... maintenance. Stenosis, like Disc degeneration is a normal part of aging. I am actually surprised that at 77 that is ALL they found in you.... you must be in pretty damn good shape!

    Just a little nudge here. You might want to look at that 'retired'. I always think I want to not do my dirty, crawl around on the floor job (construction)....and every time I am away from work for more than 48 hours I get bored, anxious and wish I was there.

    you sound like your doing well.

    Ellen likes this.
  4. ARP

    ARP New Member

    Hi Ron,

    You say, "Pain is a motivator," and you couldn't be more correct. I have a feeling you are going to do so well with TMS treatment based on this attitude and approach alone. You are accepting and embracing that pain is a signal in your body - a message to turn inward and possibly change. I am so excited for you!

    It sounds like you aren't shy of reading, but I would also like to recommend another book for you - while it isn't Sarno/TMS specific, the overarching ideas are VERY similar and have been incredibly helpful for me in turning inward and embracing change. It is called "Break the Habit of Being Yourself" by Dr. Joe Dispenza.

    Wishing you luck on your healing journey, and keep us posted!

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