Day 1 My story & wanting to be me again

I used Day One to write out quite a long explanation of "my story", which of course was too detailed and personal to post here. But it was very theraputic and a lot of tears were shed.

The short version, my name's Nicole, I'm 24 years old and for 6 months I have had sciatic pain in my right leg. About a month ago, it also moved to my left thigh. I feel still really unsure about the TMS diagnosis. Being the perfect candiate/personality for this type of disorder I, of course, have tirelessly researched and tried to find out as much as possible about my "very shallow" bulging discs at L4/5 and L5/S1. It's so difficult to just conclude that all of that is just wrong and that nothing is wrong with my back.

But nothing has worked. Physio, chiro, osteo, myo, massage, core exercise, time off of work and rest. It's been so devastating to feel as though my life is over because of this.

I've known about Dr. Sarno's book for a few months now, but always scoffed and turned my nose up. My pain isn't in my head, how insulting. But I know now he isn't saying it's in your head, it's real but your emotions have created and manifested the pain. This really makes sense to me. I had actually just discovered about a chronic illness a few months before (coeliac disease) and was very ill prior. It definitely was the hardest point in my entire life, and how is it a coincidence that I just wanted to move on with life and forget it and then soon after my back pain/sciatica starts?

I guess it's not a coincidence, and absolutely coincides. I also otherwise was a very fit and healthy person, working and going to university, I've always been normal weight and bordering underweight. I haven't had too much back pain at all in my life, it just doesn't make sense that I am in this much chronic pain. That's what makes me more inclined to believe I have TMS, but I do feel myself resisting the diagnosis in other ways. I also have on and off shoulder pain that has made me unable to work as a makeup artist for months now. Randomly, I'll get wrist pain also.

I just want my life back so badly, I want to be me again.

 

Welcome, Nicole! I recommend the recent 30-minute podcast referenced in this thread. In it, @Nicole J. Sachs LCSW addresses the fact that chronic pain is not a mental health problem, and it's awesome. I hope it will give you a starting boost to do this work with full commitment!

https://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/please-listen-to-this-for-a-boost-and-clarity.20711/ (Please listen to this for a boost and clarity.)

 

Just a note of support unknownnicole. If you read this http://www.tmspainrelief.com/wp-content/uploads/Andy-Bayliss-Abreviated-History-of-Foot-Pain.pdf
you'll see the myriad of approaches/cures/doctors/treatments I went through and none of it worked. Until I undertook Dr. Sarno's approach. I wish you deep success in your TMS work!

Andy B

 

Hi Nicole. I did day 11 today and the program is helping me. However, even once you feel good about accepting that there are no significant physical problems causing the pain, the doubt finds ways to creep in. I don't think it matters too much if you consciously accept the TMS diagnosis and go through the exercises. Anyway, something that helped me was months of journaling what I ate/did and trying to correlate it to my symptoms. After months of this, I found no logical patterns! For example, one day bread would make me miserable and the next week I would be fine with it. And if you get even a few days, or even hours where the pain goes away or feels less intense, it is more evidence that your mind is causing it. That made it much easier for me to accept that TMS is the main problem. Good luck.