Day 1 My story so far

Hi there,


I'm a 30 year old woman, married to my best friend. We just had a little one 2 months ago.

I came accros John Sarno's book a week ago. I had never heard about him before. I'm so grateful I found it because I believe I have TMS! I am definately a goodist. I always say yes and take care of others before taking care af myself. I keep giving to people that never give back. I'm also a bit of a perfectionist. That part of me wants to write this story and then re-read and re-write it until it's perfect... But I've decided not to do that 'cause that may take for ever...! Sorry for any mistakes, english is not my first language. I'm from Europe.


I have had chronic pains in my arms (inside of my elbows) for about 4,5 years now. I have had pain before that from time to time but 5 years ago it suddenly got much worse. It started during the day at my office job and a couple of hours later at home it was so intense I was crying. I remember looking at my own arms in panic not knowing what in the world was happening to me. It was really bad for weeks and soon I went to the doctor. I started the whole chiropractor/drugs/anything that might help dance... nothing worked. I actually ended up not being able to work for almost 2 years.


When the pain started I was in a really stressful emotional situation that went on for months. There was a horrible fight in my family that to this day has caused broken relationships. I was extremely angry at the time. My husband and I were only married for about 6 months then, it was a rough start for us. Altough I didn't take my anger out on him, don't get me wrong it seeped into every detail of my life. I was extremely tense and had a really short fuse.


Anyway the 2 years I wasn't working I spend mainly sitting on the couch (and having lots of apointments with doctors to no avail). The pain got so bad there were days I could barely dress myself. This was terrifying to me. I felt like an invalid. And felt really guilty towards my husband who had to keep up our house and take care of me while working fulltime.


As time went by and nothing helped I considered and started psychotherapy. The first therapist didn't work out, there was no connection. The second one fortunately did help a lot. I had to drive to her home for meetings, some days I was in so much pain I hardly knew how to drive home afterwards. I worked trough a lot of emotions with her help. But after a while she always came back to the same point. She wanted me to confront the people I had issues with and express my feelings toward them. Having tried this in the past and getting really negative results wich caused a lot of stress I disagreed.


After about a 2 years (about 1,5 years into my sickleave) I started to see some improvement. In really small ways. Af first I couldn't unload the dishwasher, taking out 2 plates was already agony. But after a while I could unload it by taking out a few pieces and then resting for an hour and so on and so on. Took me a day to unload it, but I did it! I also started studying mindfulness and techniques for handling chronic pain. I started living in the moment and giving my pain less power by not worrying about it before- or aftherhand. Without knowing it then I was treating my TMS.


After 2 years I was able to start working 50% and I was content. I had learnes to lower my goals and expectations and found a way to be ok with it most of the time. I kept improving with baby steps ( I did have flare ups that were really bad from time to time). I did get back, shoulder and neck pain once my arms started getting better. I didn't understand that at the time, but after reading Sarno's book I do ...


I always wanted children but for years that seemed impossible. Last year my husband and I finally dared to take the plunge. All the while praying and hoping my pain wouldn't increase again.


Fast forward we are the proud and grateful parents of a precious baby girl. As I had feared my pain increased because I had to use my armes much more now that I'm a stay at home mom. Desperately I started searching the web for the millionth time hoping for a solution and luckily found out about Dr. Sarno.


Since I've read the book I've been able to push my daughters stroller without much added pain. I breastfeed her and was in a lot of pain doing that. I was diagnosed with Raynauds in my nipples. Since reading the book that vanished after 2 more feedings. Breastfeeding is now relatively painfree finally!


The pain in my arms is still there but much less. I do still feel like I have sore muscles like I exercised, wich I haven’t. The first night after reading the book I got pain in my hand and foot (never had that before) felt like my brain was trying to find a new spot…


As I am writing my story today (I have to take breaks to take care of my daughter J) I noticed much more pain in my shoulders. Feels like tension/muscle pain. It comes and goes. I tell it stop disturbing me, that I know the cause is psychological and try to ignore it. I hope it starts working soon.


Thank you for reading my story.

 

Hi, Jojo. I am sorry you have been in pain for so long, but I do believe you are getting better and that TMS "knowledge penicillin," as Dr. Sarno calls it, will heal you completely. You say you are a goodist and also have had family relationship problems. Those are frequently the causes of TMS pain. And ypur subconscious may move the pain around as it becomes more convinced you are discovering the emotional causes of the pain.

It's wonderful that you and your husband have the little girl. Keep her in mind when you try to do things. Tell yourself you are doing it for love of her.

I would put off trying to talk to your relatives about resolving any differences. You've tired but they aren't receptive. Just let that one go.

Try not to please everyone. Some people will eat us alive.

Read the success stories on this web site. They can help inspire you.

I traveled through a lot of Europe when I was in the US Army in Germany in the 1960s. I loved it. Where in Europe are you? Your command of English is excellent. Much better than I am with German.

 

Hi Walt,

Thanks for your reply and kind words. I live in the Netherlands and have been to Germany many times. I love it there too. I'm now reading the Divided mind. I read Healing Backpain first. I'm starting to realise that over the years I've had a lot of health issues that dr. Sarno contributes to TMS. I'm so glad I finally found out about it. I really believe I can be a healthy active person in the future, I can't wait! And you're right... I'll do anything for my precious daughter. Best motivation ever

 

Hi again, Jojo. I'm glad my reply helped. I mainly think it is very important to stay positive and hopeful.
You are going to heal through TMS and the folks on this web site are wonderful. Very caring and helpful.

When I was in the army I spent a wonderful weekend in Amsterdam in the springtime. Saw the tulips,
windmills, and wonderful flower boats. It was a lovely experience.

Hug your little girl for me.