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My SI Joint - In Agony

shirleypm

shirleypm

New Member
Hi Friends;
You may have noticed my response to Debra yesterday. I'm in pretty severe agony at the moment. I was happily following the program, very open to the idea of the mind's power over the body.

Although my pain wasn't improving when I resumed activities and took off my SI support belt and a knee brace, I was optimistic. Two days ago, I was encouraging my 10 year old to get off the floor, and she pulled, with her entire weight my body downward.

The area of my SI Joint is extremely painful. Remembering "it's psychological," I've been writing, referring to my fears, etc., and I'm still in a pain level 9 out of 10. I can barely move, and it's tough to sit up/sit down, lay down/sit up.

I wanted to refrain from going back to the physical therapist who's "put my SI joint back together" with muscle energy techniques in the past, because I truly want to see challenge my mindset. However, nothing is working. I've meditated, visualized oxygen being restored to the area with breathing techniques, asked myself if some issues I'm addressing are interferring with this, etc., and no luck.

I'm at a loss. I was so sure being so far into the program I could conquer my subconscious mind, but I also need to function, somehow. Help!
 
It's quite common to have flare ups along the way. Some can be very painful and hope you get some relief soon.

your putting so much pressure on yourself by thinking you should be doing really good since starting the SEP. It probably took you a life time to get your symptoms so it may take some time to change them. Accept where you are and don't fight it your body is trying to tell you something

Where your at in life and where you think you should be, there is some of your tension. Dont give up, keep at it, you will heal. Goodluck, we are what we believe.

Ryan
 
Since I started gradually and now basically fully accepting TMS my stuff overall is worse - or certainly not better - than it was before. I feel like I'm having constant extinction bursts... hang in there. Again, I'm new here, and not a practitioner, but I would say the only thing to do is accept what is happening, not judge it or yourself, take painkillers if you need, allow yourself to rest a little, try not to panic, and recognize that your brain associated being pulled down w.o a brace on as something that would hurt your back so it did. I had a similar experience this weekend bumping into something: the spot in my tailbone which hurt severely as i was jolted in a minor car accident a few years ago and never hurt again until 6 months ago started acting up more than usual INSTANTLY when I bumped into something (metal door frame). Conveniently, I have a herniated disk at L5/S1 or whatever it is.

My "back went out" a few months ago and I've never experienced pain and despair like it. It was just after I started accepting the TMS, but wasn't really sure. I Was traveling and was in so much pain I wound up at a clinic and needed painkillers. Remember the times when you were not in pain. That is hard for me - even in a given day when part of the day im fine and then not, its hard to remember the good part.

(wish my own brain could listen to this advice!)
 
The hardest part about healing from TMS, I have found, is believing 100 percent that our pain
is from TMS, repressed emotions (mine went back to childhood when my parents divorced when
I was 7 and it left me with feelings of insecurity). Or perfectionist or "goodist" personality.

The thing is, to keep working to discover what the psychological cause is to our pain.
But don't spend more than an hour a day thinking or journaling about it.
Spend the major part of the day finding ways to be happy. Laugh at your stresses or pain.
 
Hi Shirley
I am so sorry that you are feeling bad. I am worse right now too as I mentioned the other day. I know what you are going through and it's not easy. But please don't give up. I remember reading something in Steves book about TMS is like having to go through 2 doors. The first door is the understanding and acceptance that your pain is TMS. I think we are through that door. When you have doubts you turn around and rattle the handle but you don't go back through. The second door is ahead, but we aren't through yet. the stage in the middle is when your pain seems to get better, then it gets worse again. My pain was terrible yesterday but I made up my mind I wasn't going to do more than take some meds which Dr Sarno says is okay to do. So I've been trying some visual imagery. I look back at the door I've been through with delight and encouragement. But the door ahead is heavier and further away. But I can see a keyhole with a warm light streaming through it. I tell myself there is a pain free life, when;not if , when I get through that door. Every time I use visual imagery I try to see myself closer to the door and try to imagine it getting "lighter" and I can see a handle there. I tell myself it will take some time. I'm going to have ups and downs and good days and very bad days, but I can do it and YOU CAN too! Please get Steves book if you haven't, it really helped me a lot. Try to journal, but don't get obsessed with it. I found the more I thought about my pain the worse it got. It's really hard but do whatever you can to redirect your mind off your pain.
Lots of hugs
Debra
 
Great advice to you, Shirley, from Debra. I remember Steve's "two doors" to TMS healing. It's good
to be reminded of that. Sometimes we can get through the first door but something, like more pain,
can stop us from going through the second door. It might help to just take some deep breaths and
push yourself through the second door, telling yourself forcefully that you know it's TMS and once through
the door, work again on discovering the repressed emotion(s) that are fueling your pain.
 
Thank you for the comments, everyone. I know exactly why the pain has been terrible, going on to almost 2 weeks now. The pain has gotten intense not only from the trigger of my fall, but by the writing I've been doing. I started avoiding the Structured Educational Program for the same reason I have been unable to blog - I'm dealing with some incredibly difficult emotions.

Each time I've written in my journal (which hasn't been consistent, but I keep at it), I develop shoulder blade pains and a racing heart rate. I notice just how tense my shoulders are as I'm typing. Heck, I now see just how tense I am all over! Add to that an upcoming visit back home with my parents for Easter, and my Pain Body is itching for a rollercoaster ride.

Time to keep marching forward. After beating myself up at the physical therapist's office, he pointed out how I was talking. "Remove the 'shoulds,' Shirley. So what, you've had a fall - you're alive, you're okay, and it's just your brain on fire."

I woke up with a LOT of pain today, but marched forward and taught my senior yoga class. Going to that class helped center ME, and reduced my shoulder blade pain for a good portion of the day. Time to practice what I teach - more centeredness, more breathwork, more meditation, and yes, taking on a more positive outlook.
 
shirleypm said:
Thank you for the comments, everyone. I know exactly why the pain has been terrible, going on to almost 2 weeks now. The pain has gotten intense not only from the trigger of my fall, but by the writing I've been doing. I started avoiding the Structured Educational Program for the same reason I have been unable to blog - I'm dealing with some incredibly difficult emotions.

Each time I've written in my journal (which hasn't been consistent, but I keep at it), I develop shoulder blade pains and a racing heart rate. I notice just how tense my shoulders are as I'm typing. Heck, I now see just how tense I am all over! Add to that an upcoming visit back home with my parents for Easter, and my Pain Body is itching for a rollercoaster ride.

Time to keep marching forward. After beating myself up at the physical therapist's office, he pointed out how I was talking. "Remove the 'shoulds,' Shirley. So what, you've had a fall - you're alive, you're okay, and it's just your brain on fire."

I woke up with a LOT of pain today, but marched forward and taught my senior yoga class. Going to that class helped center ME, and reduced my shoulder blade pain for a good portion of the day. Time to practice what I teach - more centeredness, more breathwork, more meditation, and yes, taking on a more positive outlook.
Click to expand...

Hi Shirley
I went for about four days, with my pain being about a 2 or 3 out of ten. I felt really good. Today it's back at a nine, I had to have a good cry because I thought I was at the end of the road and almost "cured" and I had this horrible day.
I came to the site here to get this off my chest, and hoping it will help you too; I'm going through what you are.
One of those setback days I'm calling it. I have to keep going, and look to another and better day hopefully soon.
Hugs debra
 
I've gotten a bad flare up after finally committing myself to journaling using the "unlearn your pain" workbook. And after a sinus infection which was extremely stressful. I have achieved 98 percent pain free recovery in the past by ignoring the symptoms but it has been a long road. Giving up is not an option. ☺
 
I keep plugging on, friends. Today I drive to my childhood home to see my family, and I KNOW that and recent journalling has unleashed pain in my left shoulder blade (in addition to the SI). I went to the pool determined to work out the pain (didn't work), but it gave me time to get into the adjacent hot tub at the gym to simply meditate.

Hubby has suggested we scrap the trip, but something always comes up before (and after) we go. It's time to put things in perspective and face those deeply buried emotions. I just keep marching forward. I had put my SI belt back on when my back went last week, and see how this tool is perpetuating the issue. Just now I took it off and am saying enough.
 
Hi Shirley,

You are really in the fire of learning about your relationship to your TMS---how to work with it, and what sets it off, and with your relationship to your self. Like others have said, it is important to take it easy on yourself and use some "physical" methods if you need too. You are beginning to face inward toward difficult emotions and memories. It is here that the real work is done, and you are facing it bravely, in my opinion!

Andy B.
 
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