Hi Guys, So today's day 9 was about self criticism. I'm a very self critical person, and I am quite aware about it, to the extent that I don't really know how to change it about myself but I wish I would. I think from having experienced abandonment in some really special relationships that fell through, and my bestfriend's death and my father's death when I was 11- then both my grandmothers; I have sor of existed with the reality, that I am wrong. That there is this monster inside of me that is the 'real me' and once people get to meet that person, whoever she is, they will not want to associate with me anymore. I don't know why; I think I just always used to get called bossy as a child, and bullied for being sort of outspoken. So, this ends up showing up in relationships, like I'll try and convince someone out of being with me, and there was this one time, I didn't do that; and I thought I found the one. Then i got hit by a severe depression thing and he just abandoned me. That story is ripe because he shared a lot of similarities with my father, and I still don't know why I think about it almost every second day. I think I'm over the guy himself; yes I am. But that abandonment sort of confirmed to me that I wasn't worth anyone's time- even if they claimed to love me. I'm also a theater artist, and the things we do and work on are so difficult and the past week I've been feeling roles I don't usually fit, and that fear is doing many things to me.