Day 9 my question to ponder today

How have you been overly critical of yourself lately?

I really beat myself up about my weight gain lately. I lost my pregnancy weight a few years ago and kept it off really well. I looked really good. I was a healthy BMI and clothes fit well.

Then my head started to hurt all the time. I was put on Ativan and muscle relaxers. My depression got worse as my pain did. I stopped watching my food intake, began eating junk food and quit walking 10k steps per day. I gained weight. I think I'm larger now than I've ever been. I'm not huge but am large for me. Every time I got dressed or saw my reflection is make a mental note to lose weighty asap. I refused to buy new clothes because I new I would lose weight eventually. And I would constantly tell my hubby that I was fat and needed to lose weight. My stomach wobbles too much. My thighs look fat etc etc etc.

Fortunately, now I'm trying to be much nicer to myself, this weekend, as per this program, I finally decided to stop beating be up on myself. The truth is I would like to get back to a healthy BMI as I feel more confident and comfortable. But I'm going to stop saying I'm fat and need to lose weight. In going to stop criticizing my body. I also finally bought new underware that actually fits. And the truth is, I realize - I really don't look so bad - sure I'm chubby, but i actually look more friendly for it - more cuddly, more welcoming!

 

Hi JacketSpud,
Wonderful aim you are making for yourself, and I enjoy reading this. I feel more self-accepting myself! Isn't it funny how we reject ourselves just to be "better" when in fact we're already fine, and don't see it. A form of suffering that is an attempt to have less suffering! Wonderful that you are seeing this OKness in you!!
Andy B.

 

Hi, JacketSpud. I would try not to gain too much weight, but like your attitude. I was always skinny but in later years put on some weight.
Not "fat" but there is more to cuddle. When I try to lose weight it shows in my face and friends say they liked it fuller better.

A friend weighs a lot. He is really big. But it was no problem. He joined a club for overweights and fell in love with someone his size and they are happily married. Another friend, slim and handsome, married a woman so heavyset she has trouble walking through doorways. He loved what he saw inside, not so much outside.

I say like who you are, no matter what you weigh.

 

I'm not trying to gain weight, just not actively losing. I also think my face suits me more fuller too. I just think I've too much going on in my life to make my weight be the focus of who I am! I'm actually really not that big to be honest, but I've always felt pressure to be thinner (I'm guessing most of us feel it from one place or another). Every time I gain weight I hear my mothers voice telling me I look fat, or asking if if gained weight (Cos these are the comments she would make if I saw her - we live in different countries). But I realize, I don't have to dislike my body just because she does. There's a lot more I could say on this but I'm saving it for my journal