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My Progress with TMS

Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by ChalupaMan, Mar 20, 2019.

  1. ChalupaMan

    ChalupaMan New Member

    At this point, I would say that I'm doing a lot better than I was a few months ago, with a few symptoms coming and going. I'm working on eliminating those one step at a time. There are still sometimes where I dread doing stuff for my current job that my left-hand feels weaker when I type, only for that sensation to disappear hours later when I remember that it's all just a distraction in my mind.

    I've also had this tight pulling sensation return from time to time on my index finger. Seems to be at its worst when I still sometimes ruminate on the past, but I've also been working on eliminating that bad habit as well. I think I just had some trigger points in that area rather than anything actually wrong with the flexibility or mobility of that finger and joint. I always remind myself that the X-Rays I had found nothing wrong with the bones, so there's nothing there that isn't irreversible.

    I just wanted to make this thread so I can get a clearer idea of where people are at with their recovery and if they've had experiences similar to mine. This morning, it was such a slog trying to type, even though I have a really fantastic keyboard, but now, I'm able to type just as much as I always could without so much pain. I think the main things I'm still battling with to this day are the following:

    1. Regret over the kind of career I chose.
    2. The jealousy I sometimes have towards my coworker and have a deep affection for my own boss in secret.
    3. Sometimes falling back to trying "conventional" methods to treat problems which are entirely psychosomatic in nature, like the finger tightness through massaging myself, sometimes rolling on my back with a foam roller to see if there's anything wrong, etc.
    4. Not feeling I'm where I want to be in my life just yet, and all the times I've been putting off finishing a few classes for my second degree I was seriously considering dropping out of altogether.
    5. Still longing to take a nice vacation to see my father up in New England. I'd love that more than anything right now and to finally have that break I feel like I deserve.

    That's really about it at this point. It's easier said than done for me to stop ruminating and obsessing over these things, but these sorts of habits take a while to break completely. I have to be patient and keep having hope that things will get better for me and that I won't struggle so much with inflammation and tightness anymore or any fatigue when I type for long periods. It's tempting to be negative and keep using past events as my scapegoat, but what matters the most is what I can do in the present to live in the moment.

    I also didn't get much sleep last night still wracking my brain as to how I could still have tightness at this point but realized that time was spent in vain as well.

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