My oh my. My progress went from a trickle to busting down dam in the last 3 days. Let me start by saying I am working with a counselor because I am dealing with very traumatic and complicated issues. I had a traumatic experience in January and I had not really dealt with it or the resulting PTSD. I am a very fit, strong, healthy 36 year old woman. I am a powerlifter and olympic lifter. I live in New York City so I walk an easy 4-5 miles a day on top of training. I have a 7 year old who can't keep up with me. So when I had a sciatic flare up after years of living pain free, I did some research and learned about Sarno, TMS, MBS. And it seemed to me this was what was going on with me. I finally began to open up about my trauma in therapy, as well as explore why I had refused to open up before and the muscle spasms subsided. However I was still having some persistent nerve pain. But I kept journaling and talking to loved ones as well as professionals who deal with mind body (open minded acupuncturist, PT, reiki master) and the momentum continued to swell. During a reiki session I had a series of repressed memories come up. Three memories. All traumatic and in similar ways to my most recent trauma. I never told anyone. But here is the kicker, just this morning I realized that my first time my back went out (in 1999) was just after I had started doing similar energy work and I had uncovered these memories. I didn't want to face them - I felt powerless to do so. And it was around that time my back went out, and you know what, I re-suppressed these memories. My brain and TMS worked. A doctor found a herniated disk and at the time I was very out of shape and inactive. I was told to get in shape. I didn't actually get in shape or get rid of the pain for years. The pain subsided as I got into shape, but as I got into shape, my life got better and I was doing a lot of soul searching. I would have occasional flare ups. A hip. A knee. A shoulder. And I always knew it was mental - stress and tension. But I did not understand it in the way I do now. To further support the TMS diagnosis, when I made the connection this moring I began to get pain in my neck and tingling down my arm - I HAVE SCIATICA!!! NOT ARM PAIN!!! I said to my husband, "My brain is trying to distract me!!! I am getting arm pain!!!" "Not going to work," I then said to my brain. Sorry brain - I won't settle for your TMS trickery anymore. I am finding my voice and I am no longer staying quiet about my traumas. I will deal with them no matter how emotionally challenging they are. The nerve pain is subsiding but still present. But that makes sense because I have a lot of very complicated and frankly disturbing things to process. But I am going to do the work and then I am going to get better and be an even more awesome lifter, mother, wife, and friend!