I was asked to ponder feelings of being"Out of Control" and that is my Achilles heel, my life is out of control and it has had a massive negative affect on me. 9 years ago I started to have serious Panic attacks ;my husband of 38 was recovering from a heart attack and I had been struggling with a broken back and 3 businesses we run together alone . I was doing incredibly well I was all over everything "superwoman" and then a week or so after he got the all clear I went off the deep end and thought I was loosing my mind completely out of control . I am not a drama queen and when I say completely out of control I mean, pooping on myself not making it to the toilet, Vomiting in my lap at a stop light on a motor way , not sleeping for 5 days and eventually sleeping with my dog in her bed.I had never had even conscious fear since child hood and BOOM overnight I was in a dreadful state. I still suffer from severe GAD General anxiety disorder due to a awful recession here in Ireland and struggling to hold onto Our buisness myself and my husband work together. It has been dreadful and overwhelmingly difficult to make money. My control at the time of my panic was given to my husband I could not even look at a bill,if the phone range I was on the loo again. I now realize I have little of no control of so much of what happens to me that is distressing. I have jobs booked in for me that I dont want to do that are very stressful to my health but we need the money so what ever job comes up I have to do with no thought for me. I am back working on the shop floor in our skin & wax clinic doing ques of clients 11 hour days with so much drugs to keep me going and all the time such an act of being super happy and I just feel like a pack mule. I work all over Europe and Ireland and I now wear so many work hats I dont know if i'm coming or going . i am so angry and resentful as I am the only one who's job description has changed and now I cover several peoples roles and I can't make it stop. I never say NO I don't really know how It was never allowed growing up and I don't want to disappoint and let people down but I am so dreadfully tired and just feel I am a passenger in my own life. Does anyone feel similar?