lisamr
New Member
Over the last 3 months, I've been dealing with a ridiculous amount of pain that I have never experienced before. It all started when I was doing handstands on an elbow with a partially torn ligament (I'm not patient and I have an obsession with staying active). On the third day of doing handstands, I started having pain on the lateral side of my elbow (ligament is on the medial side). I ignored the pain, thinking it was referred pain from the ligament, but as the ligament healed completely, the lateral forearm pain persisted and got worse. Within 2.5 weeks, I developed pain on the inside of my other arm, which I was able to rid by massaging it heavily, but the next day the lateral side started to hurt in same way as the other arm. I reasoned it was from overcompensation.
Both the doctor and PT had troubles giving me a diagnosis since I didn't present with the typical tennis elbow symptoms, but they still called it that. It's a general tightness over the forearms with no weakness, just pain. The doctor told me to wear compression straps near the elbow joint to "allow the tendon to heal", and after 8 hours of wearing them, I develop excruciating pain on the insides of my elbows. Great, I have golfers elbow now too, I thought. It was so bad I couldn't zip up my own jacket for a week without pain.
One week later, the pain starts to improve slightly, but my neck starts to hurt and so do my muscles along the ulnar nerve. Then my pinkies go numb! I rationalized the compression straps irritated my flexor muscles, which then took a week to irritate my ulnar nerves (because that makes sense...). I convinced myself I had cubital tunnel syndrome, then thoracic outlet syndrome, then that I had a pinched nerve in my neck that was sending referred pain down my arms.
One week after my ulnar nerve acted up, nerve pain on my inner thighs and knees began. My lower back was totally fine and I went on a run at 7 min pace a few days before, so again, it didn't make sense. The pain subsided after 3 weeks. In times of stress, I can still feel the nerve acting up.
I was watching my body deteriorate and was freaking out that this is my life now, thinking that I'll have to accept a life full of chronic pain. It made (still makes) me anxious, depressed, and I frequently had panic attacks. I would cry when I thought of my life just a few months ago, full of happiness and freedom to do my hobbies and work I love. My identity is rooted in my activities--I climb to feel strong, graceful, and attractive; I work with wood and metal to feel capable and thwart sexist stereotypes; I draw, paint, carve and knit to feel creative; I type and use the mouse to work on my dissertation! All of these activities are impossible without pain-free arms.
Things started to take a turn 2 weeks ago when I took an anti-anxiety pill. The muscles in my neck went from tight and knotted to smooth and relaxed. Cool. The pain came back a few hours later. I then came down with the flu and my attention was on getting my fever down. I finally was able to take a quality nap and woke up with a normal temperature, and no neck pain! Awesome. Later that night, I had a panic attack again and I watch my neck muscles tense up and again and the pain was back. This was the first ah-ha moment for me because I know for certain my neck pain is from my emotions. A few days later, I smoked some weed and I watched pain reappear on the insides of my arms. I am aware that smoking can amplify pain, but this time it brought back pain that was absolutely not there. Another ah-ha moment for me.
In the last week, I've read the Mindbody Prescription and I'm making my way through the Great Pain Deception. Neck and leg pain are a thing of the past and now I'm working towards ridding the arm pain. I'm already seeing a major reduction in pain when I type, do the dishes, and cook. Not to mention that I did my first pull up this week in 3 months! And I've started to climb again (albeit very lightly) and reintroduce my theraband exercises with no additional pain(have to do them if I don't want to dislocate my shoulder again).
Despite the progress, my arms still hurt, especially at rest, and I'm having a difficult time fully accepting that I can't just strengthen and stretch my pain away. I also still can't help obsessing about my arm pain and I think that is my biggest hurdle. Of course I'm trying to focus on any of repressed emotions in my life, which are plenty. I guess I'm writing on this forum because I need an external source of encouragement and authority to tell me my arm pain is indeed TMS. I read and relate to the stories on this forum, but it would also be helpful to know other people relate to my experience too. Hopefully in the near future I can post more good news of letting go of pain, both emotional and physical.
Both the doctor and PT had troubles giving me a diagnosis since I didn't present with the typical tennis elbow symptoms, but they still called it that. It's a general tightness over the forearms with no weakness, just pain. The doctor told me to wear compression straps near the elbow joint to "allow the tendon to heal", and after 8 hours of wearing them, I develop excruciating pain on the insides of my elbows. Great, I have golfers elbow now too, I thought. It was so bad I couldn't zip up my own jacket for a week without pain.
One week later, the pain starts to improve slightly, but my neck starts to hurt and so do my muscles along the ulnar nerve. Then my pinkies go numb! I rationalized the compression straps irritated my flexor muscles, which then took a week to irritate my ulnar nerves (because that makes sense...). I convinced myself I had cubital tunnel syndrome, then thoracic outlet syndrome, then that I had a pinched nerve in my neck that was sending referred pain down my arms.
One week after my ulnar nerve acted up, nerve pain on my inner thighs and knees began. My lower back was totally fine and I went on a run at 7 min pace a few days before, so again, it didn't make sense. The pain subsided after 3 weeks. In times of stress, I can still feel the nerve acting up.
I was watching my body deteriorate and was freaking out that this is my life now, thinking that I'll have to accept a life full of chronic pain. It made (still makes) me anxious, depressed, and I frequently had panic attacks. I would cry when I thought of my life just a few months ago, full of happiness and freedom to do my hobbies and work I love. My identity is rooted in my activities--I climb to feel strong, graceful, and attractive; I work with wood and metal to feel capable and thwart sexist stereotypes; I draw, paint, carve and knit to feel creative; I type and use the mouse to work on my dissertation! All of these activities are impossible without pain-free arms.
Things started to take a turn 2 weeks ago when I took an anti-anxiety pill. The muscles in my neck went from tight and knotted to smooth and relaxed. Cool. The pain came back a few hours later. I then came down with the flu and my attention was on getting my fever down. I finally was able to take a quality nap and woke up with a normal temperature, and no neck pain! Awesome. Later that night, I had a panic attack again and I watch my neck muscles tense up and again and the pain was back. This was the first ah-ha moment for me because I know for certain my neck pain is from my emotions. A few days later, I smoked some weed and I watched pain reappear on the insides of my arms. I am aware that smoking can amplify pain, but this time it brought back pain that was absolutely not there. Another ah-ha moment for me.
In the last week, I've read the Mindbody Prescription and I'm making my way through the Great Pain Deception. Neck and leg pain are a thing of the past and now I'm working towards ridding the arm pain. I'm already seeing a major reduction in pain when I type, do the dishes, and cook. Not to mention that I did my first pull up this week in 3 months! And I've started to climb again (albeit very lightly) and reintroduce my theraband exercises with no additional pain(have to do them if I don't want to dislocate my shoulder again).
Despite the progress, my arms still hurt, especially at rest, and I'm having a difficult time fully accepting that I can't just strengthen and stretch my pain away. I also still can't help obsessing about my arm pain and I think that is my biggest hurdle. Of course I'm trying to focus on any of repressed emotions in my life, which are plenty. I guess I'm writing on this forum because I need an external source of encouragement and authority to tell me my arm pain is indeed TMS. I read and relate to the stories on this forum, but it would also be helpful to know other people relate to my experience too. Hopefully in the near future I can post more good news of letting go of pain, both emotional and physical.
