Day 10 my home received a letter from me....

[Urbanjourney]

So today I decided to explore what part our renovation project has had on me. I love restoring old homes and this one we bought in late 20019 has been a major overhaul - every surface has been restored and many many new skills attained (like bleaching dark Jarrah floorboards into more of a Scandinavian style lighter wood).
It was a brutal process - we were living at my wife's parent's home (which was very supportive and such a nice environment) for a while as the home was not liveable. Eventually we moved in to pretty much a construction site with dining, office, kitchen and tool storage all inhabiting one of the rooms so as you can imagine it was hectic. COVID had happened during this and that was pretty stressful on all fronts but we pushed on.
Now, we live in a beautiful home with amazing gardens and it feels like a real sanctuary - something i'm so grateful for. There are probably 10% of things that need finishing off which was going to be the plan earlier in the year and over the Xmas break last year. That's when my lower back pain began.
It's meant that my focus this year was to focus on healing and then get back into it....fast forward 11 months and most of those things still need fixing.
Coming to the TMS party late, i've started connecting the many dots as to what has kept me in this fear - pain cycle this year and part of that was feeling the stress of not being able to finish off our home. I felt it was handcuffing us and preventing us from taking on an adventure (living overseas for a period) as the home would need to be finished totally in order to rent it out.
Journaling helped a lot with this as I was able to clearly lay out the many options open to me to allow things to get fixed and move forward.

Today has been a little mixed in way of my attitude however - I had a great sleep and woke up with mostly no pain. When bits of pain appear i can't help but sometimes allowing the thought "What if this is actually the facet joint arthritis causing nerve irritation" to creep in. I try correct it and break the thought with some reading of "Unlearn your pain" or journaling. I'm also trying to be more curious about it and think "What just happened then - did i fear something or get angry or feel sad about something". I do understand it's a journey and fortunately for me, my days aren't filled with crippling pain (that was earlier in the year then again around July - I'll need to update my full story on that soon) and I can get out and about, drop my wife to work and pick her up, do the shopping and cooking and of course read lots and journal. I had some appointments with a specialist musculoskeletal physio and a pain doctor / psychiatrist ahead in the calendar that i'd forgotten about so it was a test for me to cancel them - and that's now been done so, to my unconscious mind....are you listening and understanding that I know exactly what you're doing?

 

[BloodMoon]

Can I play devil's advocate for a moment, wearing my amateur psychologist hat?

Something I've noticed from my own experience is that my symptoms seem to hobble me when there's something my brain doesn't particularly like, doesn't want me to do, or perhaps something I'm feeling conflicted about. So I wonder whether it's worth asking yourself a slightly uncomfortable question: Is there any part of you that actually doesn't want to finish the house?

And taking that thought a little further, is it possible that you don't really want to rent it out or embark on another overseas adventure just yet? Perhaps there's something about the prospect of that change, or what it might mean, that your conscious mind hasn't quite caught up with?

I'm not suggesting that's necessarily the answer, but sometimes it's worth looking beyond the obvious and asking questions we might not ordinarily consider.

Also, given that I gather you're not contemplating surgery, and presumably the facet joint injections either didn't help or only provided temporary relief, you have an opportunity to 'suspend your disbelief'... metaphorically hang it on a hook for a while. (I found having an image like that helpful to keep in my mind's eye whenever I noticed my mind drifting towards the idea that my pain and discomfort were being caused by a structural problem.)

It reminds me of something psychologist Rick Hanson says about the brain being like Velcro for negative experiences and thoughts and Teflon for positive ones. We're wired to latch onto the threats, the pain, the doubts and the things we fear might be physically wrong, while the good experiences and possibilities can slide straight off!

Anyway, just some food for thought from someone who's been on a similar journey. Sometimes asking a different question can open up a whole new line of thinking.

 

[Urbanjourney]

Can I play devil's advocate for a moment, wearing my amateur psychologist hat?

Something I've noticed from my own experience is that my symptoms seem to hobble me when there's something my brain doesn't particularly like, doesn't want me to do, or perhaps something I'm feeling conflicted about. So I wonder whether it's worth asking yourself a slightly uncomfortable question: Is there any part of you that actually doesn't want to finish the house?

And taking that thought a little further, is it possible that you don't really want to rent it out or embark on another overseas adventure just yet? Perhaps there's something about the prospect of that change, or what it might mean, that your conscious mind hasn't quite caught up with?

I'm not suggesting that's necessarily the answer, but sometimes it's worth looking beyond the obvious and asking questions we might not ordinarily consider.

Also, given that I gather you're not contemplating surgery, and presumably the facet joint injections either didn't help or only provided temporary relief, you have an opportunity to 'suspend your disbelief'... metaphorically hang it on a hook for a while. (I found having an image like that helpful to keep in my mind's eye whenever I noticed my mind drifting towards the idea that my pain and discomfort were being caused by a structural problem.)

It reminds me of something psychologist Rick Hanson says about the brain being like Velcro for negative experiences and thoughts and Teflon for positive ones. We're wired to latch onto the threats, the pain, the doubts and the things we fear might be physically wrong, while the good experiences and possibilities can slide straight off!

Anyway, just some food for thought from someone who's been on a similar journey. Sometimes asking a different question can open up a whole new line of thinking.

Actually, reading your question I said emphatically “No, of course I want to finish it” but then went straight to the feeling that there is actually some fear there of taking an extended trip to southern France as what if my pain kicks in and ruins everything. And aside from that, it’s a big change and what happens if things don’t workout and we end up losing the strong foundation we’ve built ourselves.
I think @BloodMoon your hat might not be so amateur after all

 

[BloodMoon]

Actually, reading your question I said emphatically “No, of course I want to finish it” but then went straight to the feeling that there is actually some fear there of taking an extended trip to southern France as what if my pain kicks in and ruins everything. And aside from that, it’s a big change and what happens if things don’t workout and we end up losing the strong foundation we’ve built ourselves.
I think @BloodMoon your hat might not be so amateur after all

Some interesting word choices here... 'ruin', 'foundation', 'built'... given that we're talking about your house! (Although maybe that's me taking my amateur psychology a little too far!)

Something else to ask yourself perhaps: If you were to say, "I'm definitely going to stay here and enjoy our beautiful house, whether it be totally finished or not", does that feel like a relief? And if not, what WOULD feel relieving and peaceful to you?

Forgot to mention: Dr Sarno tells a story in one of his books about going on a road trip with his wife and experiencing gastric disturbances throughout the trip. It was only afterwards, when he started questioning why this had happened, that he realised he hadn't actually wanted to go. He'd gone because his wife wanted to, and he wanted to please her rather than be the bad guy. On the surface, it seemed like no big deal – just being a nice guy and doing the loving thing by accompanying his wife. But he came to recognise that, on another level, he was actually angry about it.

I think it's an interesting example of how we can sometimes be completely unaware of our own feelings or internal conflicts until we start digging a little deeper. Sometimes the conflicts can seem quite trivial to our adult, conscious minds, but they can matter a great deal to our inner child.

Anyway, just more food for thought!

 

[Ellen]

Another angle on this for you to consider. Sarno theory is that TMS serves as a distraction from our psychological issues. I can't think of a better distraction than renovating an older home yourself, with the millions of things to do and think about. The end of all that mental and physical effort would create a void that TMS would march into. Now it's pain and other physical issues that are filling your mind. But you are absolutely on the right track now and giving your psychological health the energy it deserves.