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My first competitive run… and TMS strikes!

Discussion in 'General Discussion Subforum' started by Colly, Jul 27, 2014.

  1. Colly

    Colly Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hey all

    Well I've finally done it! I've done my first ever 5K fun/competitive run. After 25 years of even struggling to walk, I am now officially a runner! I feel joyous having achieved my goal, but the real and longer-lasting joy will kick in (I'm hoping soon) having run with and challenged the accompanying pain of a TMS relapse. How nice of you TMS to visit me, you're such a dependable friend! NOT!

    Having discovered Dr Sarno and Steve Ozanich in late 2012 I took the TMS bull by the horns and challenged my foot pain by jogging and, until about two weeks ago, had been building up my runs on weekends to take in a couple more kilometres. Apart from aches and pain early on in my training, I've enjoyed every single run, and was physically ready… until...

    Two weeks ago the fear hit me… Who did I think I was doing a "competitive" run! This fear was completely irrational, given my preparation. Last weekend was to be my last prep run, and I did what should have been an easy 3k's. I was a bag of nerves for several reasons, and ran with that "I just want to get this over with" feeling. Then my TMS really kicked in, after driving home (and getting lost along the way - adding to my tension), I opened the car door and tried to swing my legs out of the car, but was hit with a bolt of lightening pain down my leg. The pain was excruciating and I broke down in tears. I knew I wouldn't be able to run today - not with that pain. After a day of licking my wounds and feeling sorry for myself, I decided I would spend the week listening to Dr Miller and reached out to SteveO who gave me such wonderful words of encouragement and support.

    With this new confidence my pain level became manageable to the point where yesterday I had moments of no pain. I resolved to run today no matter what. It went well and all the while I kept talking to myself saying I wasn't hurting myself, and "float" "take you time" and so on. The run felt good, and I enjoyed it… but the TMS voice started shouting louder saying "what are you doing" "you're going to pay for this"!

    I got over the line, and the pain really kicked in. Im a bit embarrassed to say I seemed to be the only one hobbling around amongst the thousands. I managed to get home with difficulty, and am now in the same pain I had last Sunday. BUT I'm not upset, and I'm not fearful of the pain - just a bit peeved it came back and took the joy out of my run. But I've done one now, and know I can do another one comfortably. What was I worried about!

    Funny how TMS pain can slap you in the face when you challenge it.

    TMS learning continues. Now it's back to more Dr Miller for another week…

  2. Ellen

    Ellen Beloved Grand Eagle

    Congratulations, Colly! You are living your life without letting fear of TMS get in your way. Your courage is inspirational. Thanks for sharing the story of your victory with us.
  3. Walt Oleksy

    Walt Oleksy Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi, Colly. Yes, congrats on the 5K run. You did what Steve Ozanich says, be active despite any pain.
    He golfed, you run. The more we do what we're afraid to do because it may bring pain or fear, the stronger we get.

    Let's all try to find things that make us relaxed and happy, today and every day.
    I'm listening to soothing ocean wave music now as I type. I'm deep breathing with every wave. Very relaxing.
  4. Forest

    Forest Beloved Grand Eagle

    Great job, Colly!
  5. Ollin

    Ollin Peer Supporter

    Precisely my experience! Very well put. Except that I don't find it funny... What's more enraging than being slapped in the face when I'm doing something right?! The more pain-free time I achieve, the more debilitating the pain is when it finally comes back. Seems impossible to escape this cycle.

    But anyway, Colly, you did great. And notice that your pain wasn't worse than last Sunday - clearly this is the echoing voice of your nervous tension, not physical damage. Keep it up girl!
  6. North Star

    North Star Beloved Grand Eagle

    Colly, you are awesome! I still hobble after some walks so I think it's totally amazing that you ran a 5K! Keep up the great work; your story is so inspiring.
  7. Walt Oleksy

    Walt Oleksy Beloved Grand Eagle

    Keep up the good work running, girls. Be sure to reward yourself after a run.
    Maybe just with a smile, if not a cookie.
  8. Colly

    Colly Beloved Grand Eagle

    You're all so wonderful thank you. Walt you always make me smile:) I like the sound of that ocean CD - I must get one of those.

    Ollin I share your frustrations. I'm always so wise when I'm not in TMS pain, and then surprised when it returns! Each relapse, brings about new learning, about my inner tension. How mindful we think we are until we get a relpase! I'm looking at this as another opportunity for self-discovery, and the more I ease into the pain the less scary it feels.

    Thank you all for such wonderful support.
    Eric "Herbie" Watson and Ellen like this.
  9. Eric "Herbie" Watson

    Eric "Herbie" Watson Beloved Grand Eagle

    Love it Colly, I am so glad you decided to go ahead and do what the tms was getting you to fear. As Claire Weekes says our recovery lies on the other side of fear and that's where you went. I am so happy for you, a true fighter as if we didn't know, your'e awesome. Bless you and good luck on all you do in the future. You still got this bull by the horns.

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