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My complete story -warning: this will be long.

Discussion in 'Success Stories Subforum' started by cirrusnarea, Mar 22, 2014.

  1. cirrusnarea

    cirrusnarea Well known member

    I can't believe I'm finally going to post under the success story forum. Beware, I'm going to go through every detail from the beginning, so consider yourself warned. The most important thing though, is that I start this off by saying that I'm about 95% pain free for the past 5 months now.

    Now, I suppose it all began in 9th grade when I started getting eye soreness on and off. It would go away so no big deal. This symptom has lasted the longest and did not go away until very recently. It got so bad at times that I started seeing several optometrists for this. The best they could come up with is that I had dry eyes. Their solutions: drops, plugs, etc. did nothing. Around 12th grade I started getting upper back pain, towards the neck/collar bone. It would come and go as well, usually a night of rest would set it right. I got a job while going through school and had to quit because it got so bad. I went so far as to get an MRI for this pain since it lost me my job. Nothing was found, so I was given a prescription for physical therapy which did nothing as well. By this time I was pretty frustrated by the medical establishment. I knew there was wrong but they could do nothing for me. So other symptoms I experienced over the years as frequent urination and irritable bowel syndrome, not to mention depression and anxiety.

    Everything really came to a head last year, January. I started getting a bad and very uncomfortable pain in my left testicle. It didn't' scare me at first and went away within a couple days, however, it came back with a vengeance out for the blue one day at work. This got worse and was a constant pain that never let up . That was perhaps the scariest part of it all. I finally went to the doctor, which I was avoiding because I had no insurance at the time. The doctor scared me more than anything and sent me for a test I couldn't afford. After putting it off, hoping the pain would go away again I went to the ER to have it done as the pain was worse and both testicles were now sore. It didn't help that during this I kept a getting a low grade fever at certain times of the day and severe constipation.

    The tests, thank God, came back negative for cancer, infection, etc. According to the docs I was fine. They had no answers, sent me to a urologist. I was immediately relieved and spent most for the day in a good mood, but started getting anxious again once I realized that I had no idea what was causing this pain, which I remind you was constant, that means it never let up. Sleeping was difficult it goes without saying. And work became staring at the clock until I could go home. Eventually the anxiety took the best of my, slowly over the next coulee weeks, my fears of what could be wrong continued to grate on me until I was a nervous wreck. I'm not exaggerating, I could barely function. Finally my insurance kicked in so I went to the urologist and set up an appt with a psychologist.

    I have to interject at this point that I was doing tons of research online, which is a double edged sword as you know. One of the very first posts I found offered hope, but was frightening as well. This gentleman had identical symptoms to mind. I wasn't alone, but reading through this scared me after awhile. His solution was 'painful trigger point therapy that made him jump up screaming in pain." I had no idea what this therapy was and it sounded horrible. This really had me scared; was this my only way out? Interestingly enough though, he wrote about how reading Dr. Sarno cured him of this ailment. I got his books on ereader but they scared me more than anything. This was such a brand new approach, could I trust this guy, and did what he had to say apply to me? After all, most of his work was in back pain, while he only mentions pelvic pain as a side note.

    The urologist did extensive testing, the results: everything was fine. He referred me to a chronic pain clinic. I was just glad that I had no cancer, or other major health issues. everything was fine, yet I was still in constant pain and fear. The psychologist was a good help and was surprisingly supportive of my idea that the pain was psychosomatic, although he didn't much care for the analytical approach recommended my Sarno. However, I had to make sure there really was nothing physically wrong with me before dedicating myself to this approach. I continued to see doctors, about once a week. And was seeing a psychiatrist as well begging for benzos to lessen the anxiety that I was now a slave too.

    As time went by nothing was found, I even traveled long distances to engage in expensive trigger point therapy that did nothing but cost a fortunate. I went to a chiropractor as well; I'd seen that recommended as a cure for pelvic pain. Here's where things really got crazy. My second appt. with the chiropractor I got a strange numbness in the dead center of my back. I let the doc now but he blew it off. It went away soon though so I thought all was good. Before a long drive to DC to get some trigger point therapy I went for a walk and my back, in the same area where the tingling was before I got a strange pain. I was used to pains like this so I figured it would go away without rest. It didn't; I was just as sore the next day and once again this was a constant pain that did not let up! I followed my brothers stretching technique, but nothing worked. I was in agony. After a week of this pain I went to a new chiropractor, he did a forceful adjustment, but I was still in pain. However, I woke up the next day feeling like a new man.

    A month or so later, before going to another trigger point session I woke up in agony as well. Dead center of my back again. Here I was trying to take care of the testicle pain and whenever there was light at the end of the tunnel this severe back pain came on ! I was almost nuts from he pain and anxiety. Thank God for Valium.

    This time to back pain did not subside after several, almost daily chiropractor appointments. I got x-rays taken to be sure and to provide me with peace of mind. Once again everything looked great. It looked literally spotless. No MRI was recommended due to how suburb the X-ray looked.

    Finally after going to church one day and having very bad pain throughout it. My family wanted to get something to eat, but the pain was so bad I couldn't go. they ere upset with me and couldn't understand why I'd let back pain get in my way. They never had pain like this before, how could they know?

    It was that day that I figured something had to change I got on this TMS forum and listened to Healing Back Pain while I was reading the posts , and typing in some questions of my own. While doing this my back pain subsided for the first time in at least 2 weeks. It wasn't all gone I don't think, but the severe pain and numbness in the middle of my back was gone. I knew I was on to something here and could not give in to finding a physical explanation any longer. I had to commit myself to the idea that I had TMS.

    Almost immediately there was a change; not only had the pain diminished, but I stopped caring about it (to a point). The severe pain was gone in my back, but I now got a bad back ache throughout the day. This was bearable though. I discovered a few things now too. The back pain was so bad I forgot all about the testicle pain. In fact, I preferred the testicle pain to the back pain, and literally overnight the testicle pain went away and has NOT recurred sense. This was in August. So from January through August I was in severe pain and anxiety. Now however, the anxiety was pretty much all gone, although having Valium on hand for when I started to worry worked wonders.

    This takes up to the present day, March 21st as I am writing this. After several more months I can call myself 95% pain free. I get that nagging back pain after a day at work. But this is occurring less and less and the pain is less and less. This will be just as much in the past as well someday.

    So what did I do to get out of this state. First, buy and read the three main Dr. Sarno books. Healing Back Pain, Mind body prescription, and Divided Mind. I read a few other books on mind body pain, but they seemed too dumbed down for me, and the authors did not speak with the authority of Dr. Sarno. Next, begin the free TMS program found on this site. This was an amazing experience for me. Third, once you have finished reading Dr. Sarno's books, read em again. If you wish, you can read the psychology and treatment chapters only. Fourth, by now you should be looking at sources of your unconscious rage. Remember, you cannot undo this rage, it will last in you for forever, it is how you cope with it that is causing your pain.

    Keep in mind, everyone's recovery is different because each of our minds is as unique to us as our fingerprint. There is not a one size fits all approaches because of this. Be patient. that is the most important piece of advice I can give.

    Coming through this program is more than just getting rid of the pain; in fact, if you concentrate on it in that matter you may decrease your recovery time. This is a chance to discover yourself, who you are, what scares you, what makes you angry. While I was going through this I would have given anything to get out of it; there were times I wished I would die rather than face another day of this.

    I am such a stronger, more confident person after having come out of this mess. I'm more assertive, and I face my fears now instead of running from them. I feel like a complete person now, I don't want to go back to the scared child I was before all this happened. Remember, this is a chance for us to delve deep into some good psychotherapy, whether on your own or with a professional you trust.

    Not everyone is as fortunate as we are. The research in this area is new, but Dr. Sarno says that it is quite possible that we can suffer from serious illness as a result of our repressed amounts, even cancers. We got off easy. We were given a chance to change ourselves for the better and to fight and not give in.

    Perhaps most disappointingly however, is the aggressive skepticism I've met with when trying to share this information with people who are also experiencing pain. I'm sure you've all witnessed it before, how defensive they get. My only theory is that in their case they would rather experience the physical pain rather than deal with this repressed emotions. We on the other hand are the fighters, we demand our brain to release these emotions, we are strong enough to handle them rather than live in pain. Just an idea. As we all know tons more research needs to be done in this area.

    I'm fully confident at this point that pain will be a part of my past. And not just the new symptoms, but the IBS, neck pain, and testicle pain are gone for good. Sometimes one will appear, but I could care less I know it will be gone by tomorrow, and it always is. thank you all for your help and support. I'm sure I will be back to check on things, and I know that recurrence of pain is possible, so if I need your assurance I'll be here. After having gone through this, I feel like a stronger person who is less afraid and more ready to take on life. Before I was afraid to take chances, in fear of getting hurt, dying, or losing the respect of my peers. I still have these fears, but when I think back to how bad my life became I know that I never want to go back to that. That was the worst fate that could possible befall me, and it was unavoidable.If I faced that and overcame it, I can overcome anything.

    In closing, thanks to all the people on here that provided me support through the worst year of my life. I know the journey's not over, it is a lifelong journey. I still get that annoying backache, but it's not crippling. I may have major pain again, it's a part of life. The question is how will I deal with it. I have the choice to be positive and know that pain and death are parts of all our lives. Instead of getting anxious, go to the doctor and if nothing is found, rest assured that it is caused by my emotions. And get on with life again. And most importantly be patient.

    For brevity's sake I left out a lot of details, but I think this is long enough and it is and is an accurate portrayal of what I've been through. Dr. Sarno's teachings are true. They are not pseudo science dreamed up by a quack for money. There is no expensive monthly fee or clubs to join. His books cost about $40 for all three of them. And yes he deserves whatever royalties he gets from them. God bless the man, and each one of us who is going through this. Just remember, there are much worse fates that can befall us other than having pain. We've been given a gift that will help us grow stronger, no matter how dark things look when we're in it.
    Shakermaker, plum, tammyg and 10 others like this.
  2. Eric "Herbie" Watson

    Eric "Herbie" Watson Beloved Grand Eagle

    I love your Story cirrusnarea. You have learned not to react to your pain but to focus on your emotions and not to over react to them. Awesome.
    Thank You so much for your story. Keep us posted.
    cirrusnarea likes this.
  3. cirrusnarea

    cirrusnarea Well known member

    Thanks Herbie, as part of my recovery I've been staying away from the forums for awhile. Once you have the answers, I think it's better to stop obsessing and get on with life. I want to stay on the forums though and help others going through this.
  4. Eric "Herbie" Watson

    Eric "Herbie" Watson Beloved Grand Eagle

    Don't fear the forums ok. Help others like you want to and this will give you a spirit of gratitude that will help you lose the conditioning of forums being a bad thing. I used to have the same ordeal in which if I read to many stories about pain then I might take some of those pains with me but then I understood that even that is a fear that I had to beat and I did.

    It was really simple once I thought about it cause like me now you have the tools to not let any stories become a part of you so you know what to do daily to keep yourself safe.

    Its all about calming your ANS system and reaction control with gratitude. I'm sure once you start helping others and lose the fear of reading stories that you should go forth and get your 100 % healing. Most don't know this secret but when we sow good seed we reap the benefits.
    Bless you
  5. LindaRK

    LindaRK Well known member

    What a great post! Bureau for your success ...... this can certainly be a motivator for others in pain and going through a recovery program.
    nowtimecoach and cirrusnarea like this.
  6. cirrusnarea

    cirrusnarea Well known member

    I just hope my story helps others who are having pain, to convince them that yes pain can be psychosomatic (a mindbody reaction) and yes it can be cured. I prayed and prayed that God would deliver me from the pain and anxiety, and although it was not immediately as I had hoped, He did give me the strength and tools to overcome it myself. And I am a much stronger person for it now.
  7. cirrusnarea

    cirrusnarea Well known member

    Yep, thanks Herbie, I hope I can help others on this site the way they have helped me. This is the most positive self-help forum I've been no. No whining 'why me' or focusing on the negative. Just here are the tools, and we will be there for you whenever we can.
  8. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    Cirrusnarea, I'm so glad you say that praying to God helped you become pain-free, and that He didn't not send you
    a miracle as may have been hope for, but He sent the tools to help you learn how to heal. Herbie and I and others
    like Steve Ozanich and Dr. Brady all asked God for his help and it helped us out of our pain. I hope this encourages
    others to add God to their arsenal of healing tools.
  9. cirrusnarea

    cirrusnarea Well known member

    At the time I felt abandoned by him, but now that I'm through it and a stronger person for it, I know he did help, just not in the time frame I may have liked.
    Last edited: Mar 22, 2014
  10. G.R.

    G.R. Well known member

    Congratulations!!!! I so enjoyed reading your story. I hope you post tips and suggestions
    about how to move forward during difficult times.

    I know sometimes God delivers us from our circumstance but sometimes He heals us
    gradually. I guess then we really get to know Him better and have to rely more on him.

    Enjoy Life,
  11. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    God never abandons us, even when we think he has.
    He told his followers he had to die so the Holy Spirit come come
    and be with us and inside us, to guide, protect, and love us.

    We may forget there is the Third Person of the Holy Trinity,
    but when we remember it is the Holy Spirit that dwells within us,
    we are not alone.
  12. cirrusnarea

    cirrusnarea Well known member

    Thanks, Guys! Hopefully this helps anyone who is wondering if TMS and Sarno's teachings are real.
    Eric "Herbie" Watson likes this.
  13. Ed Norton

    Ed Norton New Member


    Much kudos to you. Reading your story has given me hope as I embark on this journey to recovery.

    I wish you nothing but the best for the future :0)

    Eric "Herbie" Watson likes this.
  14. Kev

    Kev New Member

    Thanks cirrusnarea for sharing your story.
    I suffered back pain for several years.
    Now I alternate between urinary pain which also includes testicular pain and IBS.
    I am doing the SEP and I am hoping that I will begin to recover.
    It's important for everyone experiencing TMS to be optimistic and know that you will eventually recover.
    I find that meditation ( even as little as 20 minutes) helps.
    Eric "Herbie" Watson likes this.
  15. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi, Kev. Yes, optimism, knowing you will recover, and meditation are some of the best
    ways to heal. 20 minutes of meditation can do wonders.

    I practice meditation while remembering deep breathing. The two together and wonderful.
    Kev and Eric "Herbie" Watson like this.
  16. cirrusnarea

    cirrusnarea Well known member

    Hey Ed,

    Sorry for the late reply. I hope too that this site helps you find the solution you are looking for. If you have any questions, let me know.
    Eric "Herbie" Watson likes this.

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