my career ,my nightmare and this program

I have spent the past 6 weeks doing this program and being dedicated not just to the daily requirements but to learning about me and making changes in my mindset every day. The program and really effected me professionally ,it has galvanized me into action about stuff in work I am not happy with and that are effecting my life in a big way.Myself and my husband are self employed and own two businesses, one with massive potential and the second really struggling for a long time. My life is very impacted on by the second one as my husband cant work their and I am having to work in both places . The second business that is struggling is very physical and leaves me after a 11 hour day heavily medicated with hot water bottles on my back for the 1hr drive home. I was so drained from travelling and taking care of my first business in the production and training sector and my second business in the service sector that this last summer I felt like I was dying That my body was actually held together with drugs for pain and anxiety and that I was pushing myself so hard naturally that I fell asleep at the wheel and ran into a ditch one night on the way home. Luckily no one was hurt except for me. But like always myself and my husband did not see how bad I was or how taking so much drugs 32 tablets a day was wrong we just did what we always do I say yes to everything because we need the money and he supports me but is ok with me doing it; habit. This program and now helped me understand the anger and frustration and worry I had for myself and the situation and I could tell him and he was so upset when we put the facts of what we had been doing to me for so long. We have now decided to focus on restructuring everything and making me not just the work horse but the business owner who can say no. I feel I will have control something I have not had in work in such a long time ,years. We will take several months to make the changes follow through but I am excited and feel hope instead of dread and upset. Last Year I had genuinely chipped a bone in my foot and was on crutches and my back was killing me and I was so high with anxiety and IBS. I had to get up and get my bags and fly to Zurich Switzerland to work standing all day and moving where I had to hop around and smile and be happy, I was loosing control of my enotions and wanted to brust into tears in front of the whole training room,and puke on them as well.
I was given Xanax and was popping them all day it was a nightmare. I got to my hotel room and had a massive panic attack and was on the toilet all night it was one of the worst nights of my life , on my own miles away from home. So I was put in a situation I could not say no and I DID NOT WANT TO GO it really was something I will never want to go through again, I think so poorly of my worth that I just took it as normal this program and make me see it, and see my own value and that I do have a choice I cant please everyone at my own expense. Now thats invaluable.

 

You are learning so much about yourself. You are so clear about what you have been doing and what you need to do now. What a gift that you took the time to figure this out. I am very impressed with your courage and determination and I wish you much encouragement with your healing.

 

Thanks you so much words of encouragement are gratefully received.xx

 

Sounds like your body was clearly trying to tell you that you'd taken on too much, but your mind wasn't listening. Now you are starting to get your mindbody to work together in harmony, which is the goal of TMS treatment. Congratulations on all your insights and progress.

 

Thanks Ellen I am trying !!!