Muscle spasms in neck - symptom imperative

S

SSS

Peer Supporter
I've had many health issues over the past years that I felt were TMS and I know this one is too. I've suddenly started having periodic and intermittent muscle spasms in my neck and back of my head. They are pretty painful and because they come and go I'm feeling a bit of control.

It's not even a secret why they are happening - they started right on the day my Mother came for a several weeks visit and before I'm taking a month long trip abroad. Both of these events I am very much looking forward to but are also a cause for stress and anxiety.

I've tried reminding my brain that I am ok, that it's ok to have feelings about these events, that I don't need to be distracted by pain. I've tried thinking about my feelings about my Mom and this trip and what it means to me. I've reviewed my evidence sheet to show me that pain has come and gone in the past. I've tried relaxing, heat, cold, stretching, massage. Still it's been two weeks and spasms are still here.

Any other ideas for how to get over the lastest symptom in the symptom imperative parade?
 
SSS said:
I've tried reminding my brain that I am ok, that it's ok to have feelings about these events, that I don't need to be distracted by pain. I've tried thinking about my feelings about my Mom and this trip and what it means to me. I've reviewed my evidence sheet to show me that pain has come and gone in the past. I've tried relaxing, heat, cold, stretching, massage. Still it's been two weeks and spasms are still here.
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None of those have anything to do with getting better from TMS as those are all 'perceived emotions' as Sarno call them...and these are rarely the cause for TMS because they are already conscious with little reflection or thought. REPRESSED RAGE on the other hand is 100% unconscious and we might have only a tiny clue , if any of what goes on down there.

If the symptoms came when your Mom showed for a visit, you have some deep undiscovered Rage associated with her...and then you mentioned a trip? Is it with her? Have you told yourself what a great time you plan on having, on how great you get along with your mom, etc.? These are what cause TMS and Sarno said when it comes out of nowhere , to look really close (Family)

I just had my first relapse in ages and it was my neck. I Couldn't even hold my head up straight it was so painful and I am a Carpenter and construction worker and can't do my job leaning sideways.
It happened on a day I was supposed to start working for my son. I have worked for him before, so what is the big deal?

Oh... after I sat and reflected and raged and screamed and wrote for hours and hours, I realized that I was and am having an existential crisis about feeling worthless and needing to rely on nepotism and favors to keep my ass above water.... a lot different than a 'a little bit of anxiousness about family'. I was MAD. Like OMG 'I am gonna die and be a useless Piece of shit' mad.

When I stopped worrying about perceived emotions and looked at deep dark fear things and RAGE about being dependent, THEN the symptoms went away.

hope that helps
 
Baseball65 said:
Have you told yourself what a great time you plan on having, on how great you get along with your mom, etc.? These are what cause TMS and Sarno said when it comes out of nowhere , to look really close (Family)
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Yes, you are absolutely right. I know I always am trying to make our time together be good and pleasant especially as she gets older and I definitely have repressed my anger and feelings about her and our time together including this trip.

I will have to think more deeply about these issues.
 
SSS said:
I will have to think more deeply about these issues.
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Don't think. WRITE.

Journaling, or JournalSpeak (Nicole Sachs), or expressive writing (Dr Hanscom), or writing shit down (me) - it doesn't matter what you call it, and it doesn't matter whether you do with pen and crappy old notebook paper which you destroy afterwards, or whether you type it into a blank document that never auto-saves and you delete everything you typed before closing the program.

"Thinking" can be done if you're very mindful and don't get distracted, which is not easy - it's like meditation that way. But the experts will tell you over and over that writing is more powerful.

The reason you do not keep what you write is to allow you to be more honest. You may NOT edit whatever you write or type. Leave the spelling mistakes, don't worry about grammar and syntax, use as many swear words as you want, and don't even worry if it's legible because none of that matters. What matters is that you must allow yourself to be vulnerable enough to write what is true, and that means all of the s***, just as @Baseball65 has described.

An immensely powerful technique is the Unsent Letter, which is perfect for loved ones. I wrote one to my well-loved and really quite wonderful mother back in the day and it was incredibly freeing. Write the letter according to the above rules, do not hold anything back, and then send it to the shredder. You could even put it in an envelope and address it to your mother (or whoever) before you send it to the shredder. You don't need to really send it because it's enough to allow your raging inner egotistical child to express on paper all the things you would never in a million years say to someone you love.

Love must coexist with many other emotions which arise in human relationships, negative as well as positive. It's not the existence of negative emotions that is problematic; it's our fear of the emotions which harms us.
 
Such great replies. I definitely get lost in the "thinking about my emotions" realm, and this is a great reminder of what we're really trying to work through with TMS. Thank you both.
 
I wanted to post an update. After I wrote about my issue here I started to experience some periodic relief from the muscle spasms. Reminding myself that this was TMS helped a lot. However, it didn't go fully away until after my mother went home. It was really clear to me that this was an emotional reaction to her visit. I will keep this in mind for future issues. Thanks to everyone for your inouts and support.
 
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