Muscle spasm & Pain Bringing Me to My Knees - HELP!

Hi all, new member here. But, longtime believer and follower of TMS "treatment." Like many others, after years of consistent back trouble, lots of the usual medical treatments, fear of re-injury, etc., I was at my wit's end, found Dr. Sarno's book, and it worked and for the most part have been pain free. I occasionally have flare ups, but can sometimes either talk myself out of an attack coming on, or talk myself out if it pretty quickly. Not this time. I'm dealing with a MAJOR flare up. My lower back muscles are clenched, I'm lopsided and have a noticeable tilt to one side, am in a ton of pain, and keep having episodes of the muscles seizing up in such a painful and debilitating way that I have literally collapsed and fell out of a chair. I have done all the usual self-talk, expressing my feelings and dealing with them, mindfulness sessions, etc. I'm doing my best to not fear the pain and to remain positive. I tried to go for a run to work through the pain, which has often worked for me in the past, I could only muster a light job (saying in my head %$@#% pain, I'm not afraid of you), until a spasm hit, and I was thankful I could even walk home. I don't know what to do and feel conflicted. Part of me is telling me to keep chugging through the pain even though it may bring me to my knees again. Stretching seems to help, but I know it's probably because I'm conditioned to believe that it will. But the relief from pain is nice. Part of me thinks I should just relax, lie on the couch, watch a movie, accept that I will need to lay low till things improve and find ways to take advantage of that. When in a resting position, I can take my mind off the pain and feel relief from the pain. Trying to work through the pain and move around at this point is so painful that I'm really struggling to not fixate on the pain.

Looking for suggestions for what people do when they are experiencing such acute physical pain and disfunction.

Thanks.

 

Do you have any idea what triggered this episode?

 

Yes, at least I think so. I fit the TMS profile of having a lot of anxiety and self-criticism, I went on a medical leave from my work last week to deal with my ADHD, anxiety and depression, to take some time to once and for all focus on my wellness and mental health with the same focus and attention that I give at work and to my family. It was a very very difficult and emotional process for me to be honest and upfront about this with my employer/co-workers. I'm an attorney, and felt a lot of embarrassment and shame in getting to the point of being so overwhelmed that I couldn't hack it anymore. The people at my work were amazing and supportive. It's a short leave, so I'm feeling some self-inflicted pressure to "fix" myself by next Wednesday. I also have a history of having flare ups happen when I'm finally giving myself time to relax or have leisure time. Lastly, my mom and dad came to visit this past weekend, and I have a difficult relationship with my mother. The back pain started shortly before I was returning home from an overnight date my parents graciously gave us, but for which I left on shaky terms with my mother. I have also had flare ups after her visits in the past. So, all of that combined is what I think triggered this latest episode.

 

Wow , that is a lot, and that is exactly why I asked because your general description of the situation did not seem to address the root of the problem. I think you have most of your answer in yourself. When you said you had a "flare up" it is not becuase some physical thing you did and came back at you. It seems you have fixed this before, but just got too much at the same time now. What other people do might not work for you, so the first thing would be to remove whatever stress you are going thru right now, if you can. What are the physical things you can do? First , you can put some distance between you and your parents while you get better. I also had to face my condition at work, but I did not give any specifics. If it was going to bring you shame and embarrassment that would come back as pain, it is better some times to just say it is a very personal situation. You can not put a restrain in how much time will take for you to "fix" yourself, because that generates tension and fear, which are the 2 main activators of TMS. Since you already got a period of time you might not change, then what could you change? Well, you can change in your mind how you perceive things. You have to just relax and program in your mind that if you get better by that time, all is well, and if you dont, then all is well the same. If you had this relationship with your mother all your life, I guess you know what to expect each time you come close to her, so why stress you out over her behavior? Just accept that she is who she is and you are who you are. Look at her with compassion and have compassion for yourself. You seem to be very strict on yourself, to the point that when you are going to have a leisure time, the perfectionist in you just tell you that you should not, and gives you a little mess to deal with. You have to love yourself more and dont give a heck sometimes. The good thing is that you know what triggered it, you know how to fix it and you just need to relax, get some time for yourself and listen a little bit less to your personality.