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Multiple tries to finally "get it" and how to support those who haven't "got it"

Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by Homestead Hermit, Mar 26, 2017.

  1. Homestead Hermit

    Homestead Hermit Peer Supporter

    I first learned about Dr. Sarno about 7 years ago, read The Divided Mind about 5 years ago. I had some success, but wasn't very passionate about sticking with it. Now I am making it my goal and passion to stick with it to heal and am in LOVE with the method :) (much more enjoyable than taking meds).

    I feel like it took me/my brain/subconscious to finally "get" TMS and to believe in it, as if that inner cog has finally clicked into place and now I'm on the right path. I'd grimace at those who were successful, call them overly optimistic, be jealous of their healing. Now I want to be one of them!

    Have you had similar experience, where it's taken multiple tries for it all to feel right and sink in?

    Also, how can we support those who desperately WANT to heal through the TMS work, but maybe they're not to the point yet where their subconscious mind will allow it? Those who may still be in denial that their whole brain believes? Those who argue, fight back, don't want to be optimistic? Or CAN you assist them at that point and maybe they need to take some more time to get where they need to be ready to dive into the full process?
    JanAtheCPA likes this.
  2. JanAtheCPA

    JanAtheCPA Beloved Grand Eagle

    Heh, I think I know where this came from, HH ;) and I love that you're thinking about this issue. It comes up so often in this work, and it certainly goes to the heart of the essential nature of the work.

    We often hear from people that they had to reach a point of desperation before they were able to make the necessary mind shift - what I always refer to as a 180-degree shift - to think completely differently than they ever have before in their lives. For some of us, it's not a full 180 degrees. I felt that the knowledge that Dr. Sarno offered me (in The Divided Mind) was more like the last piece of the puzzle - the piece which allowed me to finally understand what I was doing, why I was doing it, and what I could do about it Honestly, it was more like 45 degrees. But that's just me. And I still had plenty to learn (thanks to this community and the SEP) about loving myself, really hearing my negative brain, and being completely honest in my self-examination (ie journaling) before I reached a point where the setbacks I experience are neither serious nor very long.

    I think this may explain why some people take longer than others to achieve recovery.

    The frustrating thing to me is how too many people get really stuck at Dr. Sarno's oxygen-deprivation theory. Yet we can see that Dr. Sarno himself was already veering away from that limited outlook in his later years. I believe he re-named TMS "The Mindbody Syndrome" in fact. Just bringing in the concept of "TMS equivalents" leaves oxygen deprivation out of the equation. We have to start taking a serious look at how our brains really work. Then we have to accept how powerful our brains are, in order to allow that power to exist and develop.

    Easier said than done. And REALLY hard to get across to someone else, especially if they reject new knowledge that does not fit in with what they want to hear.

    Welcome to the forum, HH - I enjoyed your participation last Saturday, and I look forward to seeing more of you here!

    Ellen and MWsunin12 like this.
  3. Homestead Hermit

    Homestead Hermit Peer Supporter

    Yep, that's exactly where it came from. But it did get me thinking about it, which is good. My aunt, who is the person who turned me on to Dr. Sarno reports she rarely gets across to people. And has the same problem when she does get an interest - people seem to WANT to be stuck in their pain, and that's unfortunate :( But I've personally been there, so it's absolutely understandable. That pain has become our identity and we don't quite know how to live without it.

    That situation was just so frustrating because we, as a supportive community (or family, friend, etc.), give as much as we can and know how, share our stories and knowledge, and when someone is not ready to hear it, but repeats that they do, what can you do? I thought to myself afterward: We are doing what you are asking...what more do you want?

    I think you hit the nail on the head there, Jan. It's not what they want to hear :( I hate to give up in some situations, I always want to find hope that you can help someone heal. But there might be a point when you have to use some tough love and say "you just aren't ready. I am here when you are." I'm just not sure...

    I think that is also a good point you made regarding how people get stuck on certain aspects of the process, like the oxygen-deprivation. That's how I began, and now that I've learned to trust my brain and that nothing is set in stone, it's been much more beneficial to just explore and trust that whatever healing methods or ways of speaking to myself peak my interest, then that will be more beneficial and work for my individual self :)

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