I really liked the Day 37 video with Nicole Sach's story. I had similar feelings about motherhood and it took me a long time to admit it. I was fortunate enough to have some good friends, who felt similar and we allowed each other a" safe space" to say "I hate being a parent" on a regular basis and still do, even with older kids. We knew we were all excellent mothers, who adored our children. I think admitting this made us better parents, but it did come with a lot of guil, t initially. Now I see it as the "journal speak" she mentions. Just words to alleviate ourselves with. Not the truth. I go as far as to say sometimes " I would not do parenting again". I am not sure I really mean it, but let it go at that. I did it and the kids are awesome human beings. Finding an outlet to communicate frustration and anger is not always easy, as we are supposed to rationalize all this stuff away. I am learning the language to better express it to myself and others, without turning into a WWIII with myself and others. So far, so good. The outcome independence concept taught here is also starting to filter into my life in a positive way. I think it is crucial for my ongoing success. I never realized how I wanted things to be "just so" all the time. Its part of my success overall in life, but a massive curse likely needing to chronic pain issues. Saying I don't know what will happen ultimately happen is a very interesting concept for me. On a personal note, my 18 year old son moved out after HS graduation after I set the post graduation plan in motion. I simply could not co-habitate with him anymore. A guilt-ridden decision I had to make, but I saw it as part of my recovery. He moved to FL with his Dad and is finding his own new perspective living with his Dad and his Dad's wonderful girlfriend who is having a great influence on him. He even sent me a message about how much he missed me and he is glad I have some time to myself. Even said I was a great Mom and thanked me! I find myself living alone for the 1st time in my life. I love it and am very interested in what this will bring. A chance for a lot of reflection and change. My back troubles me off/on, but as long as I relax, don't overschedule myself , exercise and don't let it consume me, I do OK. Have not been this active in years. Hike, bike, workout , camp, and loving the amazing place I live in. Acknowledging anger and fear every step of the way, are clearly the crux of this process.