Kiara
Well known member
In response to the question from Day 18 in the SEP, I thought I would share the most prominent emotions which have come up in my journalling. Overall, I would say that the main ones that seem to come up are anger, guilt/shame, sadness and anxiety.
I feel that the anger is linked to sadness, as I have noticed that I feel angry about my parents about the things they said and did - but also the things they didn't do. I've realised that I have to grieve the loss of missing out on the happy, healthy childhood I would have liked.
Usually I start with anger and frustration, but by the time I've finished the journal entry I realise there is also a deep sense of sadness and disappointment. This has been hard, but it has helped me to accept and process my emotions. It also enables me to forgive in a deeper way, and move forward.
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However, I've noticed that the feelings of anxiety are usually related to guilt and shame. When I feel bad or guilty about something, I get a sense of strong fear and anxiety. This tends to create a lot of tension in my body, especially in my chest. My sense of anxiety often comes from feeling like I'm not good enough, and never able to do enough to please God.
Yet I've come to realise this is false, and that God loves me for who I am - not what I can do for Him. I've also come to realise that this anxiety about "not doing enough" is counterproductive to making a difference in the world. After all, if I was able to rest in His love and trust in His grace, I would not have so much anxiety which causes chronic pain and fatigue. The chronic fatigue and pain hinder me from serving Him anyway… so it really doesn't do anyone any good!
I have been reading and learning more about God's grace and His Father heart, which has helped me a great deal on my journey of healing and wholeness. It has helped change my view from God as being always angry and "out to get me", to realising that God is gracious and is actually on my side.
I feel that the anger is linked to sadness, as I have noticed that I feel angry about my parents about the things they said and did - but also the things they didn't do. I've realised that I have to grieve the loss of missing out on the happy, healthy childhood I would have liked.
Usually I start with anger and frustration, but by the time I've finished the journal entry I realise there is also a deep sense of sadness and disappointment. This has been hard, but it has helped me to accept and process my emotions. It also enables me to forgive in a deeper way, and move forward.
...
However, I've noticed that the feelings of anxiety are usually related to guilt and shame. When I feel bad or guilty about something, I get a sense of strong fear and anxiety. This tends to create a lot of tension in my body, especially in my chest. My sense of anxiety often comes from feeling like I'm not good enough, and never able to do enough to please God.
Yet I've come to realise this is false, and that God loves me for who I am - not what I can do for Him. I've also come to realise that this anxiety about "not doing enough" is counterproductive to making a difference in the world. After all, if I was able to rest in His love and trust in His grace, I would not have so much anxiety which causes chronic pain and fatigue. The chronic fatigue and pain hinder me from serving Him anyway… so it really doesn't do anyone any good!
I have been reading and learning more about God's grace and His Father heart, which has helped me a great deal on my journey of healing and wholeness. It has helped change my view from God as being always angry and "out to get me", to realising that God is gracious and is actually on my side.