scrat26
New Member
Looking back on my journals I would say the most prevalent emotions are fear, sadness, anger and a new one discovered this morning while journalling, guilt. The fear is mostly do to with my back and backside pain in the mornings, that I may never pinpoint the trigger, never get up and start my day like I used to, never get up and do stuff while on holiday, it really is a roller coaster ride and a back and forward conversation in my mind, cause I know what it is (TMS) and then it's the same thing again the next morning! Affirmations are a constant, I believe they work, my new one is 'it is safe to look within'. Might help unlock some feelings. My Dad's accident and death bring out the sadness, obviously, and the anger too, that I missed out on knowing him as a person. I don't have many memories, mostly just stories from other people, that I remember. But the guilt was new. Guilt that I remember thinking that it would have been better if he had died at the time of the accident. And not spent the next 20 years in hospital, which meant visits. Guilt that mum had to drag us to hospital to see him, because we didn't like going to hospital, ashamed too. I hate going to hospitals to this day, and I have only been for myself once, and I didn't like the feeling of walking in there, nervous and shaky and on the verge of tears! Guilt too, for causing Mum distress as we kids were growing up, she was only doing the best she could. New country, no friends or family around, 3 kids under 10 and her husband with a serious brain injury that he will never recover from. I appreciate her even more, with what she went through.
Take care x
Take care x