To my surprise it's anger. I would expect it to be sadness, before I started writing. But sadness was almost not mentioned in my entries, despite the fact that I thought -and is considered- to be over-sensitive. On the contrary I saw that I have been angry and stayed calm almost all my life. I was angry at my parents, my sister, my friends, my abusive long-term boyfriend....At some moment I realized I was angry at some moments/people I wouldn't recall at once. They came up as I dag and wrote. The other feeling is regret especially for not acting as I wanted but acting in the way -I thought- people would expect me to be, being indecisive or not standing up for myself when I had to so in fact it is anger directed to myself. Fear is the second one, fear of being not liked, not acting right, making wrong choices, not being appreciated, failing, becoming physically restricted and losing my loved ones.